It's The Christmas Season

Who needs to be told that? We have been here again and again. For me, I can recall a Christmas 75 years ago when my Grandpa Noah gave me small wooden blocks as a namesake Christmas gift. No matter if I was only 2 years and 7 months old.

But what is new this Christmas? It is the old story still alive- that God did something extraordinary to make his real love known to mankind. A big deal in a small package. An everyday event for someone, yet one of a kind- His Son.

From this small wonder as a person who changed the world forever. Who made possible a different life for the billions of mankind. Who showed a new way of life for everyone; and made that life possible.

Who now has millions of followers proclaiming that LIFE. In world that is partly hiding in darkness, a darkness of ignorance, deception, and weird celebrations, totally unrelated to THAT EVENT.

We who know what Christmas is all about can choose how we celebrate in this season, and throughout the year. Every day is Christmas to us, Jesus coming into the world to save the world through us who know.

Are we angels (messengers) who sing, explain, and worship, or are we shepherds who come and see and return to our world, never to be heard from again? Or wise men who worship and return and no doubt are changed forever, declaring the wonder they saw?

Yes, its the Christmas season. And what that means is up to each of us. Caught busy ness, it is still up to us what it means to us. 

Michael's children home - God will take care of you.mpg

                                                      A Call To Pray

An aerial view of a refugee camp in the Middle East is etched in my mind from a recent news report. It reminds me of a cemetery. There are over 3 million Syrian refugees, and nearly 2 million persons in Iraq, displaced from the conflict just this year. It is not hard to imagine the plight of these who inhabit those tents, in row after row. Day by day they are confined there by their circumstance, dependent on someone to supply food for survival while adults wonder when they can move back- or forward to a secure place. They may have little hope or vision for their next step. Children with parents- parents if they are lucky to even have a mother, perhaps usually hungry and sometimes sick or starving. It seems they would become despondent as they wait and wait, often with little food for survival. I suppose some are dying as this drags on and on. Meanwhile fighting among groups vying for power perpetuates this misery. No one is winning- everyone is losing. No one has any answers for the problem. Perhaps the most we can do is PRAY.

• Pray for those trying to sustain life from the UN and Relief efforts- for supplies to sustain life, and for protection to get help to the needy.
• Pray for God to reveal himself as still a God love, and give comfort for all the helpless and despondent.
• Pray for Christians to be there to share the Gospel for those who are losing confidence in the religion that is failing them, who may have visions of Jesus and a Savior for them.
• Pray for God to hasten the day of the conflict to end, that the evil plans of the warring parties will fail again and again until they give up.
• Pray for a revelation of Jesus to the whole Islamic religion, that Jesus may be seen as more than a prophet, and really the Savior of the world.
• Pray that our country will not make things worse, but that Christians here would stand up for the needs of the desperate ones who are waiting...
• For God to be a God of justice and righteousness and bring down evil rulers and warriors and raise just governments. 

                                             Loving With Heart and/or Mind

We love with our heart when that is who we are. We love with our minds when that is just what we should do.

God loves because he is love. He does not decide that he should love people for some reason. He just loves because that's his nature. We may love because it is the social call for action, for example, if someone gives us a gift.. Or because it is the right thing to do to be consistent with our beliefs, like loving the enemy or the unloving person next to us.

There are persons who, like my mother-in-law loved because of her heart of love. I doubted she gave it any thought that she should hug us when ever we came to their home. She was just being who she was. Her husband also could show love, but it seemed more just the appropriate thing to do- not as spontaneous.

When a couple prepares to sleep at the end of a day, they may hug or cuddle spontaneously. But after the have slept and one wakes up, he or she may consider whether snuggling close would be love if it may disturb the partner; perhaps loving intentionally would be to leave the person alone. This would be loving with both heart and mind.

A question comes to mind of whether one can shift from a tendency to love mainly with the mind, doing so when it is just the appropriate thing,  to become a person loving with the heart as well. It could be assumed this could happen with a married couple if the mind-loving person thinks about loving and responding to the love initiations of the partner. Perhaps also by being loved, a person may acquire a sense of love that had not been strong in his life earlier. It may also be that when a person shows love as a part of Christian commitment, e.g., perhaps as a missionary, or pastor, or anyone, a capacity to love from the heart will also grow on him.

Another source of growing to love from the heart may be that of fellowship with God. Recognizing God's love in a person's life in so many ways from birth or before, may lead one to be a more loving person when one is thankful daily for that continuous love. Why not also ask God to give you a heart of love so one can love spontaneously and not just because it is the right things to do? There should be various ways, then, that a person can grow in loving with the heart, rather than loving mainly where loving is the expected response.

                                            Why I Write and Have a Blog?

For several decades I have been writing essays of current matters, either of what is happening around me or what is ruminating in my mind. Writing is a way of communicating matters of significance to a person. But also, it helps me to think more clearly and systematically on the subject matter. Furthermore, it is a literary photograph to which one can return later and look at it again to enjoy, or experience what was felt earlier. Writing gives me time to explore a subject in more detail than casual thinking or conversation. But then why blog? Obviously blogging is a method of communicating for the present audience, who ever that may be. It is a display and perpetual archive and reference point for later readers. It is of the conviction that what I have experienced in life and thought may be of interest and value to others. Writing also gives me a sense that my life will continue after I am gone. I wish my ancestors had left a clearer footprint of where they had trodden physically, emotionally and intellectually. If any posterity or otherwise wonders about me, they can return and trace my steps by my writings. Hopefully they will gain another perspective for their lives. So in these blogs, you find items of events, feelings, inspiration, and even some paradoxes of life in humor. So don't read everything, just what piques your interest or catches you mental eye.

 SEVENTY CHARACTERS AND TRAITS OF OUR FAMILY

                   From “Icons Of My Life, A Celebration of Seventy Years

“[Our] ancestors were devout people of faith, Christians who knew they were pilgrims on earth looking for a Heavenly, eternal city.”

”And may we all be able to claim the testimony found on our ancestor’s tombstone: “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.”

             From From Descendents of David J. And Magdalena Hochstetler, p.4, p. 438                                        By Daniel E. Hochstetler

1. Jacob, man of bold vision, crossing the Atlantic to start a new life in a new land, committed to carry forth the life of peace and faith.

2. Joseph, son of Jacob, obedient to his father even when his life was in danger, remembering his faith and family even after a long separation from them.

3. Great Grandfather Jonas, restless pioneering spirit, working in Ohio in his youth, moving to Indiana establishing his family, and moving on to Iowa, ministering in the church as he went.

4. Great Grandfather David J., kind, friendly, diligent, and deeply Spiritual, outside of convention at times, pioneering Sunday school and calling into question traditions: the celebrations of some holidays, and bi-weekly church services in the Amish church.

5. Grandpa Sam, a responsible church leader and of his family, caring for a mentally ill daughter, patient and forgiving toward his “friends” who betrayed him, without malice, suffering humiliation in prison with faith and clear optimism, slightly on the prophetic front among the Amish.

6. Grandma Mommy Hochstetler, a woman of much prayer, supportive of her son’s convictions for missions, concerned about all her children, committed to relief work.

7. Grandpa Bender, a knowledgeable and wise counsellor with a deep Spiritual concern for family and church; conscientious, a kind and gentle, loving father.

8. Grandma Bender, hospitable grandmother to multitudes, adored for her sensitivity and congeniality, a sense of humor toward herself, spiritually concerned for her family and the church, service minded, bringing relief sewings to the Amish church.

9. Elam, a catalyst for spiritual growth and change, a conscientious father, Amish preacher, bishop; a Spiritual renewalist helping and letting things happen as they should in God’s timing, permitting others in the family and church go where he only dreamed of going. (He felt his desire to go to India called for more than he could manage- college, Sharing his burden with his mother, she was sympathetic: “If it is God’s will, it can happen”)

9. Eliza, a praying mother, living by the Scriptures and training her children by them as well; living sacrificially for her family, patient and humble, accepting pain quietly; submissive to God and her husband.

      10. Uncle John, preacher of the pure Word of God.

11. Uncle Orus, A humble man of honest character in the steps of his father, Grandpa Bender, in many ways.

12. Aunt Esther, always sharing what was important to her, ready with an answer, hospitable, reaching out to people, helping Grandma in her aging years.

13. Uncle Manasseh, concerned for those outside his family, pioneering missions in another state, adopting two children.

14. Aunt Mary, service minded to orphans, volunteering in an orphanages and serving in her own home with great devotion. A gentle and loving Spirit.

15. Cousin Vernon B., life long preacher of the Word, a strong family man.

16. Brother Laban, a humble servant, a quiet spirit, full of conviction, a gift of special concern for special people.

17. Agnes, a mother devoted to God, her children, grandchildren and other people’s disadvantaged children, service minded in her heart.

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18. Cousin Alpha, a quiet spirit with a clear Spirituality.

19. Cousin Chester, firm and stable in faith, charitable to those who practiced their faith a little differently from him.

20. Uncle Walter, appreciating tradition without being bound to it, always a fresh approach to life, a blessing to many.

21. Sister Miriam, serving from her youth to the present age, from Brooklane Farm to Minnesota, to Canada and Brazil, and as a pastor’s wife, and missionary, continuing with hospitality to foreigners in her retirement home; always a warm welcome every year to Loretta and me.

22. Brother-in-law Harvey, a role model to many in character, intelligence, and wisdom; a teacher, writer, mission promoter, a missionary in Canada and Brazil; a pastor and real family friend to many.

23. Brother Samuel dedicated to church development, leaving family to pioneer a new church work, diligent in his own family as counsellor, model and promoter of every good work, a real servant of the Kingdom.

24. Sister-in-law Clara, devoted preacher’s wife, a companion and quiet advisor, unassuming yet leaving her imprint of character on many.

25. Sister Esther, devoted to God and devout in faith, a buoyant spirit of faith, a missionary by true Spirituality and commitment to God, a testimony by the reality of her faith in Christ, a natural witness of the Good News.

26. Brother Daniel, always busy with people-hood activities, a real servant to families, both biological and the church family, helping us all to know who we are and where we came from, so we know better where we are to go.

27. Sister-in-law Arie, a friend where ever needed, competent in many areas with natural wisdom.

28. Sister Marietta, a servant, a supervisor, a nurse, a helper where ever needed.

29. Brother-in-law Jonathan, full of conviction and standing firm for the right.

30. Brother Walter, selfless, devoted to community above possessions, living conscientiously, a family man, an example to all of humility and Christian character.

31. Sister-in-law Frances, a loving and gentle person with a servant’s heart, a loving mother.

32. Brother Joseph, sincere, lover of music and worship, a model for his family and others.

33. Patricia, hospitable, caring for the family and the church.

34. Noah, seeking God as an example and pattern for our life in our attitude and way relating to Christians and non-Christians and children.

35. Wife Loretta, faithful, persistent, untiring, restless for bettering other people’s lives.

36. Cousin Orus U., father of a small nation, devoted family man.

37. Nephew David, son of Samuel, conscientious and concerned for the church and its mission.

38. Nephew John Howard, a wise builder, socially concerned for righteousness in the nation and the church.

39. Nephew Eldon, gifted in administration and ministry in the church.

40. Niece and her husband- Joanna and Oren, sensitive to others, wise parents, encouragers, teacher and ministering person.

41. Niece Elsie, a strong mother, a woman of courage and devotion.

42. Nephew Nathan, son of Laban, teacher, missionary, multi-gifted for God’s service.

      43. Steve Shirk, a man of wisdom, intellect; gifted in languages, culture, and organization.

44. Niece Cheryl Shirk, a heart of love to many, sensitively caring, transparency.

45. Cousin Fanny Ellen, (Elena,) and Amzie, missionaries, apostles, teachers,

46. Son Conrad, dedicated in service to those “below” him: tenants and younger believers.

47. Nephew Kenneth, gifted in business and management.

48. Cousin Doreen Mast, faithful friend, affirming, a praying, encouraging  leader

49. Son Paul Nathan, gift of faith and caring for friends in need and for missions.

50. Daughter Grace, joyful in all of life, blessed by God in motherhood and church fellowships.

51.Daughter Rachel, serious in faith and service to others: her family, believers, and slow students.

52. Daughter Julie, strong, loving, gentle, full of common sense, always standing firm for the right.

53. Son-in-law Dan, firm in faith, devoted father, lover of God’s beautiful world.

54. Son-in-law Bruce, wisdom flowing quietly, .

55. Son-in-law Ron, faithful father and teacher, a family physician.

56. Daughter-in-law Janet, a caring mother, church woman, sensitive nurse, and supportive, hostess to many.

57. Niece Judy Martin, quiet, dedicated to husband’s ministry and the church.

58. Willard Martin, minister of the word of God.

59. Nephew John and wife Denise, gifted in music and an inspiration to family living

60. Niece Carol and Bill Frisbie, devoted to serve God in church ministries.

61. Nephew Jason and Sarah, brave missionaries and carriers of the Word to new areas.

      62. Nephew Philip, administrator and family man, challenging many through fellowship.

 

      63, Brother-in-law David, missionary in Canada, with a life-time commitment to carrying forth           the Gospel and inspiring his family to the same.

64. Niece Rhoda and Steve, imitators of the Spirit of Christ in daily life.

65. Teachers and nurses, too many to enumerate accurately.

66. Niece Lois F., administrator in social services

67. Nephew Galen, financial adviser and administrator.

68. Nephew Linford, demonstrator of truth in acting, accountant, promoter; with Tina, models of love in marriage and family.

69. Niece Kathy and Rodger, instructor in higher education, and business person.

70. Eager learners of life, most likely to follow the path of Christian devotion and commitment to God in service to humanity which their parents trod and are following: many children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews and hopefully, all our posterity.  

                                  What Is Our Devotional and Worship Emphasis?

For several weeks we have been following each morning, a small devotional guide that came into our hands somehow. It is from a conservative background similar to ours of by-gone years. I noticed that the basic thrust of the meditations is quite uniform- concern for holy living and the need to be watchful lest somehow we might have some spiritual impurity creeping into our lives. This set me off thinking of what other emphasis such a devotional might have. I also had to think of Sunday morning church services, and how likely that same church group of that devotional might also be mostly concerned with the clean Christian life. There are also 2 other focus possibilities in our devotional life as well as our church services.

Church services can be a worship services with an emphasis on worship to God. This is to recall the wonderful work of God and praising and worshiping God for who he is and how he cares for all mankind and his whole universe. I recall a service in Florida some years ago in which the sermon was so focused on the person of Jesus, who he is and what he has done for us. The sermon was deeply worship of Jesus and drew my heart into deep appreciation of who he is. That was a church service 30 years go and it stayed with me. Church music can also focus on who God is, compared to much church music of the 19^th century that focus a lot on encouraging each other, like the “Each day I'll do some golden deed.”, and much other Gospel music.

A third focus of devotional material and a church service might be on the outreach of the kingdom of God in mission and personal witness. A church service may emphasize regularly many items of interest, concern, and intercession of the outreach of the kingdom of God around the world, including our personal world. Reports of missions and missionary work, and the progress of the Gospel around the world can be shared a lot by the leadership and members of the church. The church is concerned for the world which God loves and wants to be known. Here intercession for outreach, missionaries, the persecuted church, and the local outreach are primary concerns of the church. Worship takes place with pastoral concerns also, but the church is seen as having a mission in the world, not just being good people and praising God for who he is.

Certainly all three areas of worship are valid. The challenge is to have some balance and focus. It seems the outgoing Christ-centered life and mission would be what God is most interested in. “God so loved the world” that Jesus came to earth to express that. Faith is lived outwardly, not with only concerns about believers' personal lives and rejoicing in who God is. Personally, as a past pastor and missionary, I favor the emphasis on the mission of the church- reaching the ends of the world with the good news of the love and yearning of God for all mankind. Other interests should also be there to complete our devotional and church life.

                                                         PRAYER FOR MY WIFE

                                         Prayed in the context of serving many children, youth, single mothers

                                                                  in Belize and still relevant in retirement.

Father in Heaven, I thank you for the one you have given to me, with whom I shall spend my life, until death do us part. You were wise beyond my comprehension when you paired her with me, for from our fellowship in life have flowed an endless array of blessings, often unrecognized until later. I thank you for your wisdom and ways in which you have brought us together.

Thank you that you have kept us together in all kind of experiences in life. You have kept her faithful to me, unworthy as I am. Lord, I thank you than I have never had reasons to doubt her commitment to me and to me alone. You have blessed me through her with this confidence far beyond that of many we have known.

I thank you for what you have taught me through her, taking me as a youth unlettered in true love, crude in my ways and language, and by her presence and interaction, have removed much of that which creates barriers with people, and have taught me kindness, gentleness, respect, and love.

I thank you especially that you have taught me love, to love and be loved. In my longing to be loved, she has shown me a deeper love, the way two persons can learn love through intimacy, as well as through the struggles of two minds and hearts, yearning to be of one spirit. You Lord, in ways beyond understanding, have given me a heart of love through the one you brought to my life. Thank you Lord.

Thank you for her partnership with me in all a life of service to you. She has accepted my call to ministry, careful not to undermine me in my imperfections, but being by my side as I served you as a pastor of your people. Thank you that she helped to nurture our children so that they all yearned to know you even as we know you.

Lord, I pray that you will bless her with all the blessings you have for your children. Give her courage to continue walking with me in the blessings of life with all its challenges. Make her strong in heart to walk with assurance of your presence in our everyday life. Grant her always a sense of your care, nearness and affirmation.

Lord, grant her strength to face the daily challenges of meeting people, that she may do it with joy, assured of the presence of your Spirit of power and strength. Grant her awareness that we serve you in your power, not the confidence in our strength. May she realize that she is never alone; and that you are always with us as we serve you.

Lord; I pray that you will give her joy in our daily life: That she will have peace when life is a challenge: I pray that she will have a sense of your approval; that you are pleased with our service to you. May she have a vision of what you will do with our efforts to be faithful to you in your calling. May she be content to walk in your will

Lord, fill her life with your love for her, that she may know she is precious in your sight. Let her know that you have loved her from birth and before. May she know that you planned for her to have a life in your love. Fill her with that love till it overflows from her heart more and more. May she always be a radiant fountain of blessing to those around her.

Lord, grant her a tender heart of patience and understanding to those who are weak. May she feel the pain of those who are helpless, who face life with so little strength, so little hope, so little confidence that life is in your hands. May she ever give courage to those who are weak; to lift up those neglected by their parents, who are slow to know the way of life in you.

Lord, you have not revealed our future to us, the prospects of getting older, and the strength you will give us in those twilight years. Grant us faith to walk in confidence that you will always be near, that you will give us strength for the tasks you have for us. Grant us the assurance that you will always provide for us, that according to your word, we will never lack any good thing.

Lord, grant us a vision of what you are doing in us as we serve you. Let us see some of the fruit of our labor so that we may be assured of your blessing in our life. Let the love we plant in others grow into love for you, that all we love may experience your love and reflect it in their daily lives, back to us and others. Grant us faith, not to minimize your work through us, but rather to rejoice in the fruit of our labor as you bless it.

Grant that our love for you may ever increase, that it will transform our lives in devotion to you and your will for us. May we grasp the heights and depth of your love increasingly so that we stand in awe and worship you with all of our life. Give us a vision of your majesty, your worthiness, your power, that we may also see who we are under your Lordship and always bow to you.

Grant us faith to believe in your work through us; that you are accomplishing something of your will, regardless how inadequate we feel, even as we fall short of the potential if we could only be as strong as we would desire to be. Help us to see a vision of the fruit of our work in the distant future, the lives that will be eternally changed by your love working through us. Help us to sense the investment we are making in your Kingdom as we give our lives and resources in your services.

Lord, grant us hope and confidence in you to believe that you who have begun a good work in us will bring it to completion for the day when you will return with your rewards with you, for all who love you with a sincere heart. We bow before you for your glory.

               SEVENTY THINGS I STILL WONDER ABOUT (Second half of questions)

             “For we know in part…I think like a child…we see a poor reflection of reality…” I Corinth. 13

                              From my book, Icons of My Life, A Celebration of 70 years.

32. Why is God so slow in meting out justice to the oppressors and their victims?

33. Can God accept those as his children who do not walk in the peaceful way of Christ?

34. Should the Bible be considered a holy book, like a sacred object? Don’t Fundamentalists give credit to the book that belongs only to the main character of the Book, making the book an idol?

35. Is homosexuality genetic, or from one’s environment, or from circumstances? Is the origin and basis the same for all people? Are there degrees of fixation of orientation, from slight attraction, to exclusive attraction to the same gender?

36. Paul to the Romans seems to feel homosexual behavior is a kind of abandonment of God toward those who turn inexcusably from him. “He gave them over to…” Is homosexuality thus justifiably a point of focus for the church above other kinds of sexual sins, or just a present day point of controversy?

37. I still wonder how high the pile would be, if all the things that were stolen from us in Belize would be divinely reassembled on our living room floor!

38. I further wonder how many people have built a wall between us and them by thievery, isolating and insulating themselves from the Gospel we would want to share with them.

39. Is there any way we can protect our goods without being paranoia, having a big dog, or hiring a full time watchman? Even bank security fails at times.

40. What will be my Achilles’ heal, or fatal weakness, or will I just hold together until one day, like the Deacon’s One Horse shay, everything breaks down at one point in time.

41. How I can tell if an ache or pain is the beginning of something, or just a little more wear on this aging body.

42. If we were made in God’s image, then in how many ways are we like God our Father?

43. Am I as old fashioned and removed from the reality of youth as we used to think our parents and grand parents were when we were young?

44. Can a person live off the intimacy with God when intimacy with someone is lacking, or does intimacy have to be with someone in human skin?

45. Is it all right to think that Jesus may have been wrong in thinking that he would return to earth in the same generation that some of those lived who were hearing him speak?

46. Was Jesus thinking of situations like Belize when he said we should give to anyone who asks of us what we have? What of those willingly submitting to dependency in hard economies?

47. Will I always get tired easily the rest of my life?

48. How would I know if I am no longer as wise as I think I am?

49. I wonder how strongly and sincerely Dad believed in the Amish Ordnung as the best interpretation of Scripture and way of the Christian life, especially when I was a teen in the mid 50’s, or was he just pragmatic, seeking to maintain peace in the church and with churches?

50. I wonder if Dad was a weaker leader partly because he was ambivalent in the above years on rules and regulations.

51. I wonder if personal computers really enhance the quality of life for most people who have them, or are they mostly an electronic toy.

52. If they can make a computer that does a million things for under $400.00, why can’t they make one that lasts a week without malfunctioning? Why do programs stop responding?

53. I still wonder how we can basically affirm any culture over all as they all are practically deifications of fallen man’s values.

54. Does God laugh or cry at the foolishness of man, those who deny his existence, his creating the world, who think they may destroy human life that was created sacred by Him?

55. Is God satisfied with my life in any degree, or is he still longing for some break through to my dull mind and spirit? What mid term grade would I have received from him?

56. I still wonder why it is that I hesitate, even delay a day or two, to tell Loretta bad news like thievery and big bills, or missing money, but she feels compelled to tell me frequently about mold, roaches, and every knife she loses as well as every other little fault of our house.

57. I still wonder why I don’t have credibility; why people ask me how I know what I say and where I heard it; and why what I say is not very convincing to many. (Also in Burdens)

58. Why does Jesus say in one chapter that we should let our lights shine so people will see our good deeds (Mt 5:16) and in the next chapter (6:1) say we should not do our good deeds to be seen by men? May some in Belize think we are nearly irrelevant and dispensable because we of Amish background hide our good deeds so well that they have little idea how much we are doing?

59. I still wonder when we will ever move back to the States and retire. See Appendix D

60. I still wonder how nationals can be made to feel comfortable with missionaries when we are so much more educated and experienced then they are.

61. I wonder how many of our Belizean children will grow up as Christians and be faithful in the church and have beautiful families and good jobs.

62. I wonder if God may just work through our prayers what we just can’t seem to get a handle on, like leading persons into the kingdom.

63. I still wonder what the limits are of our marriage to meet each other’s needs.

64. Like Billy Graham said on a TV interview, I also wonder if I will ever hear the words, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

65. Why it seems to us that the needs of persons around us seem so obviously desperate to us but others can know about them and be totally unmoved to any action and practically ignore them; e.g. the delay in establishing a home for youth.

66. The Creation: How many years B.C. was Genesis 1:1? Is the Biblical record literal, poetic, or didactic? Were the 6 days literal, or a story telling scheme of the oral tradition? Did it matter to the Hebrews?

66a. If we are made in the image of God, and have a sense of humor, God must also have a sense of humor. But what would God find most amusing? Us, his children?

67. In spite of the statement of the founding fathers that all men are created equal, I wonder if that is really the case by races. Of course it is politically incorrect to even ask the question. Most African groups, perhaps almost all, have not broadly developed the arts, science, education, literature, theology, and political structures that work most of the time, and that mark most European groups. (Probably honesty, truthfulness, forgiveness, generosity and fidelity are less common for Africans than Americans in general.) I wonder, were all actually “created equal” but some cultures and races not affected by Christianity as much? Aren’t slavery and colonialism just excuses for lack of maturity like western societies and with the weakness of family structure? Is black sensuousness genetic (racial) or moral? Are we really all equal? I still wonder after many years among blacks in Belize

68. How do you convince young women to stop having new babies when they already have 3-5 and struggle daily in begging something for them to eat? Is it right to send away such a mother with a new born who comes to your door when you have warned them various times before?

69. I still wonder whether she and I should try to resolve our seemingly irreconcilable difference on the liquidation of our assets in ministry, or whether I should just manage the way I am convinced we should do it; and whether we should consider not supporting families with small children in this matter before we find alternative support for them.

70. I wonder if many of the above issues will be resolved in our life time, or if I will just keep on wondering. Most will not be worth asking God about when I will have a chance, I am sure.

                                                                                                                          Finished in Belize

                                                God's Appreciation of the Aesthetic

I suppose I first thought of this subject when we lived in Belize and realized that there were so many beautiful flowers out there in the hills and mountains that nobody would ever see. It seemed God made this beautiful hidden beauty simply for himself to enjoy. It didn't matter that no one else was aware of the flowers. I was so impressed with this beauty that I began to video some of these flowers and greatly magnified them on the screen.

There are many other amazing matters reflecting an interest that God had in his creation that has little
relevance to mankind or the rest of creation. Take color, for instance. There are very few practical values of hues- well perhaps for bees to find sources of sweets, but are not many animals color blind? Color is for beauty, which people enjoy just like God who created it for himself and us.

Or take tastes. Why should anything be sweet, or salty, or sour, or like any taste? People would eat out of hunger even if there were no tastes. Like color, taste has very little practical value except to give pleasantness to eating beyond the need to eat and feel better. Taste makes eating pleasant as a bonus to eating. There are various things we eat for the pleasure of eating, not for their necessary or value to our bodies. We eat butter on bread for taste, not nutrition. Likewise as suggested, sugar has no essential function to the body that can't be met just as well other ways. The whole soft drink business flourishes not for its practical value to the body- but for the pleasure of drinking pleasant tastes. Foods are flavored for aesthetic reasons, not for practicality and nutrition, usually. There are aesthetic bonuses to eating beyond necessity.

Or why should sex be pleasurable? The procreative act could simply be a matter of choice and practicality like eating when we want to have children,. But there is a bonus of ecstasy far beyond the “Task” of creating a new life. You might imagine the sheer joy God had in creating man in his image, a joy of creating human life "in his image". This elation he passed on to mankind, as we create new life generation after generation.

You can also consider the sheer exultation of flinging out the planets and galaxies and the most distant stars as celestial bodies so vast and distant that the earth would have been no more than a mud puddle in comparison. At the other extreme in size, the hobby of creating the smallest units of matter, far sub atomic where electrons gleefully dance around protons with the speed of light. That is still intriguing scientists to discover. Stuff could simply have been made simple stuff. God didn't stop at just doing it the easy way. No, he tinkered with sub-matter, and no doubt enjoyed doing it with greater enthusiasm then any inventor of things in the modern world. We take pride and joy in our creations, trivial as they may be in comparison to the complexity of matter. Whether they are material like a computer or “i-machines”, or intellectual as in writings, or artistic as in paintings or architecture. It seems we have the compulsive joy of creating just like our Creator, how be it in a miniature pattern, perhaps a bit like a child playing in the sand on a beach by an ocean.

What is our greatest aesthetic investment? What is God's greatest project? Did he just set everything up for the fun of making it and admiring it; just standing back watching his universal machine work? I can't believe God would then only stand at a distance in amusement, when there is so much to communicate with his most intelligent creature- which we assume we are! And does he only try to communicate with us? How about all higher mammals who have some intelligence? But the even insects seem to have some intelligence- bees can communicate to each other and dogs howl, and endlessly other creatures are able to communicate. Why would not God want to have a relationship with all creation? I don't know what molecules would say to each other or to him. Who knows?

Several days ago I was watching over our grandson, Baby Noah, now 8 months old. He crawled through the grass, back to me, over me, stabilizing himself by holding on to me. He toyed with everything his hands touched and then went on to other matters. It seems he was trying to learn all about his world and his place in it. He didn't use any words to communicate with me. Yet we did communicate to each other. How I wished he could talk to me! He seemed to know me, that I cared about him, that he was safe with me. So I believe God's greatest aesthetic interest is in continuing with his creation, ever waiting for all creation to respond to him. He tries again and again in all ways imaginable, to tell us that he is there for us. He longs for us to communicate with him on the level of our maturity. Sometime Baby Noah will speak to me. He know me- somewhat. But it is his development that is in process. He was created to relate. He will in his time. We suppose much of material is inanimate. Maybe not. God's greatest goal is that all creation would recognize him and respond. At least we know that we who call our selves mankind can respond. That, I believe is God's greatest aesthetic goal and appreciation.

                                   Reflections My Leaving and Longings

Something hard to talk about to anyone and be taken seriously is the feeling that I may not grow old in this life like my father or grandmother. Perhaps a lot less years than either. In Belize already these thoughts came to me and it is not with any fear or dread, although with some deep emotion that I cannot verbalize even to my self. It seems that would be all right, as also how my younger brother did not shrink from moving forward when his day was coming. Why such feelings come without any known basis is a mystery, unless God is graciously preparing me for something. I had hoped to have many years of unwinding and sharing all the things I had learned in life with my children and grandchildren. I am most grateful that God has already called some of our grandchildren to a life of deep dedication to service and ministry to the world. Perhaps my life has been a slight example of what God’s call to Christians is all about.

But how I might stimulate others to listen to that call of God would be my greatest desire in the rest of my life. I wish my writings of the past years were more positive and stimulating to who ever finds them. Instead, they are so much of my own mental searching to understand my life and relationships. I wish I had a forum where I could have a writing ministry to many that would challenge people to a full devotion to God. It haunts me that I see many people who think they are religious and in God’s will, never the less squandering time and resources on themselves while a billion people are hungry and starving for the Gospel.

This culture binds people to a standard of living that hinders nearly all Christians from devoting their wealth to the furtherance of the Gospel. We have tried to be free from the demands of culture, but the tentacles are ever trying to bind us to cultural standards so that we also come into bondage to it. Living abroad was liberating, but here we have few defenses except our perceptions and memories of the needs that daily pressed upon us in Belize. Perhaps we can do more when we pray, as a pastor friend in Belize use to say. I hope a meaningful life emerges for us while we are here in the States this year.                                                                                                                          7/6/09

All this relates to a sense some months ago that my life may not be extended into the 90’s like some of my predecessors. It seemed strange that such thoughts came into my mind and that so clearly. Like the time I was at the market and the lines from a old song reverberated so distinctly: “Through the valleys of this life, I have traveled, and I’ve worked for Jesus all along the way; but now life’s evening sun for me is setting; I have reached the ending of my way”. It also happened about that time that I had a sense that our time in Belize was drawing to a close. Both perceptions seemed surprisingly comfortable with me, contrary to what I would have felt shortly before.

                                                                                                                                      Nov. 21, 2009

Written while still committed to Belize, about 5 years ago. Most of the sentiments are still relevant today and I am becoming more content and at peace with the life God is allowing us. In fact, retirement seems an undeserved reward for the life God gave us for many years. Yet, I am still hoping for several more decades with family, friends, the church and the local community.                                                                                                                                                     September 2014

                                                          Me and My Mother

                                                          (From my Biography)

There is no doubt in my mind that my mother has been the person of greatest influence in my life. From as far back as I can remember and certainly much longer, she was there to help me be the person I am today. It was her holy calling , she felt, to help me be the person God wanted me to be and become. Once she said that if she had only cared for us when she felt well, we would often have gone hungry or forage for ourselves. No doubt she also strove to teach and train us and me, perhaps especially, to become what she sense was her call from God.

I recall knelling at her knees, and learning a prayer which she hoped would make be a praying person on my own. I don't remember that it was for a long period of time that she had this practice, but she no doubt taught all her children to pray. She was a praying person. When Dad was away traveling, she led the family in Scripture reading and prayer. She wore her prayer veil at night in bed so she would always be ready to pray which I assume was her resort when she lay awake at night. She was concerned about all her children and I was there in the middle of her caring.

She was a teacher in many ways. She had a way of impacting ideas that have stuck deeply all my life.

Some things were simple, but never to be forgotten. Like when someone asks for something like a drink of water: serve them first before yourself. Scripture verses were a technique of teaching. “Honor others above yourself.” Don't inconvenience another person carelessly, like”Don't make someone wait on you.” Or against laziness- “Go to the ant thou sluggard; consider her ways and be wise.” Don't strengthen you words with I am sure: “Let your yes be yes and your no, no. What is beyond that is from evil”. The list of teachings from Scripture could go on and on.

She taught us respect for people in other ways. Don't say. “It is just like him to do so”. And you don't tell someone he is crazy if you disagree with him, even if you have strong feelings. Absolutely never call someone a fool. Oddly, we said 'thank you' mainly to persons outside the family. I don't know why that was. Did we say please? I don't know. Respect even though not today's politeness was stressed.

She was a person of peace and harmony. She may have chafed at Dad's frustrations, but would say little. Arguing at the table was called down. Once when my brother and I had a quarrel, we had to walk arm in arm from the barn to the house in demonstrated peace and unity. When I complained at how my sister made a long issue of eating her required single bite of oatmeal which she so detested, I was instructed to “look onto your own plate.” When our aging Grandfather live and ate with us, we were discouraged from arguing with him, regardless what subject came up.

She was much concerned that I would relate to her as a child should should- to respect and obey her as the Scripture prescribes for a child to do. She was creative and deliberate in her commitment to my upbringing. I found an original copy of a letter of her concerns for me in which she asked questions and I was to make commitments of “yes” (which I did):

“Will you pray for me that I can be a better mother and more understanding?” _____

“Will you be more quiet?”_____

“Will you be kinder to your brothers and sisters?”_____

“Will you refrain from talking back[to me]?____

“If you are told to do something, will you do it without being told the second time?”____

“Will you walk and sit down more decently?”____

Will you respect your father and grandfather more and not talk over them [gossiping about them]?”____

Will you be willing to do more than ask with a willing heart?”____

Will you be more quiet at the table?”____ [There were many of us at meal time.]

She concluded, “I will be praying because I know there is power in prayer and the devil will not want you to heed this and discourage you and say there is no use, but don't believe him. Christ is all powerful.”

I returned the paper with my commitments and request, “Pray for me that I do these things that I promised.”

She was a person of deep conviction and a sense of responsibility for and to me. That no doubt was passed down to me and all of us siblings. It was a pattern for me to raise my own children with a deep sense of challenge for them to become persons with self discipline, which was a challenge for me in my youth. I credit her for a sense of seriousness of life as Christians. Perhaps her sense of humor was not strong, but her role of “bringing us up for the Lord” was dominate in all of her life. I can only wish that I had made her life easier and been more responsive to her goals for me. She graduated to an early reward from God at the age of 73, a loss to me that I could no longer expect her loving concerns for me in my daily life.   

        So You Are Looking for Channels to Help the Desperately Needy of the World?

When you are eager to help worthy causes in the far parts of the world, or even closer to home, but where help is most desperately needed and the laborers and resources are few, here are some channels to explore.

1. “World Vision is a Christian humanitarian organization dedicated to working with children, families and their communities worldwide to reach their full potential to tackle the problems of poverty and injustice.” More Info on www.worldvision.org on sponsoring children or program donations.

2. “Mennonite Central Committee endeavors to share God’s love and compassion for all in the name of Christ by responding to basic human needs and working for peace and justice.” They work with disasters and in community development to help impoverished people help them selves for their basic needs. More info on www.mcc.org/identity/vision.

3. Compassion A ministry especially for sponsoring children living in poverty around the world working with over 65 denominations and working local church partners in Africa, Asia, Central and South America and the Caribbean in one to one relationships with over 2 million children. Visit Compassion at www.compassion.org for more info.

4. Every Orphan’s Hope, Sponsoring children left behind by Hiv/aids in Zambia.

Orphan sponsorship works directly through the local church to reach children and minister directly to their needs. One approach there is to set up a widow with a number of aids orphans in a home and persons can contribute to this or sponsor a home. Zambia rates in poverty with Haiti and has about a million orphans. See everyorphan.org for more info.

5. Christian Aid Ministries, An American relief and mission organization with many programs throughout the world, distributing the Bible and Christian literature, food, clothing, medicines, seeds, working in self-help projects, disaster areas, an orphans' home in Romanian, and church plantings. There is a clothing collection in Shipshewana and much information there. Ph. In Ship. 260 768 4855`

6. Eastern Mennonite Missions, Salunga, PA. See emm.org for how you can be involved in world missions in many countries.

7. “Ten Thousand Villages provides vital, fair income to Third World people by marketing their handicraft and telling their stories in North America. Ten Thousand Villages works with artisans who would otherwise be unemployed or underemployed. This income helps to pay for food, education, health care and housing. Ten Thousand Villages is a non profit program of Mennonite Central Committee.” In Goshen, MCC has a store at the Whistle Stop by The Depot and Ten Thousand Villages has a store at 206 South Main in Goshen.

8. “Revolution In World Missions”, a book by K.P. Yohannan, director of Gospel for Asia, a ministry with HQ in Texas that seeks supports for native pastors in Indian at a cost of a fraction of sending an American Missionary. They have thousands of pastors in support. Book from Amazon.com, $5.95. Visit Amazon’s K.P. Yohannan Page.

9. Ministry of the Gospel and feeding the hungry in Kenya and Uganda, and other countries. Seen on WHME; info on feedthehungry.org. Or call 1 888 832 6384. $30.00 feeds 5 children for a month and gives them the Gospel, and also helps them in education. Address: LaSEA Global Feed the Hungry, 530 Ireland Rd. South Bend IN, 46614.

10. Nearly every local congregation has some outreach to local and world wide needs through which individuals can contribute in various ways. Each person should search out God’s will for a personal calling to meet the needs of persons for the Gospel in all its aspects. Our participation in these endeavors should be balanced with the conviction of helping in other world wide ministries such as the above listed as well as with local needs to be personally involved with, hands on. In all sharing of the total Gospel, we need to respond according to the full conviction God’s Spirit places in our hearts as we learn of the opportunities and needs.

11. Food for the Poor. A brighter future for destitute families across the Caribbean and Latin America through food distribution, housing improvement, and micro-business opportunities with a record of very efficient operation of services per contribution. More info at FoodForThe Poor.org

The following are Scriptures that indicate God’s deep concern for the Spiritual and all needs of the whole world, as well as the next door neighbor and how his people also share that concern.

Proverbs 14:31, 41:1-4 To show kindness to the needy is to honor God, with blessings.

Proverbs 22:9 “A generous man will be blessed; he shares his food with the poor.”

John 3:16 This familiar Scripture tells us just how much God loved the world of needy people including both us and those with least access to his love; and the cost to him of that love- his Son. As his children we should have that same love for the world.

Luke 4:18 Jesus accepted that he was anointed to preach good news to the poor.

Matthew 28:18-20 Jesus commissioned his followers to go into all the world with the good news of the Kingdom.

Matthew 25:31-46 How we deal with the poor and disadvantage will be criteria of our eternal judgment and destination. whether we have done it for Christ, or not.

Matthew 5:7 Merciful to those without the Gospel and their basic needs as well.

II Corinthians 8:9 Jesus became poor for our sake. Should we do this also for the least of His?

I John 3:17 John questions whether anyone having material possessions can see his brother in need and not help him and still have any claim to have God’s love in him.

Luke 5:38 Jesus commands us to give, with the promise that we will be blesses overflowing.

Jesus gave more credit to the widow who gave her last penny than to the rich who had a lot and gave only a small percentage.

II Corthinians 8-9 Paul gives much encouragement to give to those in need, including the saying, “God loves a cheerful giver”.

Psalm 41:1-4 God blesses in many ways those who have a concern for the weak and the poor.

                                      One of My Dad's Hobby Horses

One of the important themes of  my father's life and teaching was Christian Stewardship.

The basic idea was that God is owner of everything we have- and we are care-takers, or trustees, or stewards. He felt that this includes everything we have and are- our time, talents or gifts; and he especially he emphasized wealth. This meant that the way we use all of our financial resources should take into account that things really do not belong to us and we should use them only the way God desires; and we are caretaker. He was not ascetic in sacrificing all conveniences and enjoyments, but that all we use money for should be within moderation when used on our selves. 

It also meant that we should share readily with the needy, and especially for the sharing of the gospel which God certainly want to accomplish through us and our resources. In Dad's passing, it was mentioned that this theme was important to him and he often preached about it. It certainly was true that our early spiritual fathers, the Anabaptist, felt strongly about stewardship and applied it to both wealth and the Gospel. When Dad passed away, he had distributed nearly all wealth from two farms, and still had a descent burial. 

This meant a lot to us when we were in Belize and were constantly confronted with the needs of others and our own. I have a whole series of essays on “Dealing with Prosperity and Need, as I worked through this issue for myself among the many challenges of using our resources wisely.”

You can imagine with the frugal and stewardship themes of my parents, that when I returned to the US each year, I had to fit all my experiences and sharing habits into a very different cultural setting. Do I just comfortably fit back in to the culture a lot like other Christians, or maintain the standards of stewardship I was accustomed to in Belize? Even now, I could be critical in my thinking when I see how others gorge their wealth on themselves, especially considering the needs of the world as we see it on TV.

Recently we were at an estate sale in Elkhart at a big 3 story house by a lake and every room was loaded up with all kinds of diversions. For example, throughout the house were various bookshelves still loaded, but in one room I counted 9 book cases full of books, many recent ones. Then there were also many paintings and hobby boat miniatures in many rooms, beside all the other stuff which I don't see where they ever found storage for. It is easy to feel they had wealth and built a luxurious nest around themselves and must have spent decades collecting what ever attracted their attention. 

Certainly none of  my friends could identify with such accumulating of stuff.  We have our standards I suppose, and perhaps need to be reminded of the larger picture of how God values his entrustments when we look around in our culture 

I need to restrain my judgment on others, while I continually evaluate how I live in light of the fact that God owns everything. I am just a caretaker of his stuff, seeking to do what he would have me do. Just like my father went before me and taught me by example.

                                                       My Youth Years 16-20

                                                              [Biographical]

During the years of my "youth", we hardly thought of the Spiritual movement that was going on as something special. Yet that movement affected so much of what we did as youth and affected the way many of our lives turned out. When I say "we" I am thinking of the way I was in the middle of a youth group as well as a church, and the wider Amish church where we all were moved on from our Amish ways and thinking. There was an emphasis on personal salvation, Bible study, a concern for missions; and for youth, personal holy living. Higher education was idealized. These convictions affected us greatly and led many of us into activities of service that were new and unknown in the Amish church, although by now they all seem common to Christians around us.

In about 1947, Bible study meetings were started in our church where Loretta, my future wife, and I attended. On Wednesday evenings a group of about 30-40 persons, young to old, met. The children had children's classes. A lay person lead in discussion of a Scripture. Finally a minister spoke on a designated topic. It was a time of eager learning for all of us and a time where people could express their understandings and ask questions about Scripture. It was a time for all, especially adults to be open to what ever the Spirit was leading us into. We could compare what we were learning to where we came from as Amish persons. The Scriptures became our pattern and thinking rather just what the preachers told us.

When I turned 16, there was already a youth group concerned to live devotedly as Christians. Assurance of Salvation was assumed, new for those of Amish faith. We youth were inspired by several older single ladies, in their 20's, to do many things not typical for Amish youth. We had real worship singing fellowships most Sunday evenings. A committee kept things organized a little. Someone always led in a short devotional. We sang gospel song and gradually moved more into hymns. That this was revolutionary can be seen compared to the typical Amish "singings" where youth gathered not to worship, although there was some singing going on. Instead, they were mostly outside in the dark, carousing, smoking, drinking, or just standing around if they were not into wildness. Sometimes we were at such singings as they were called. But we were inside the house and orderly. Some called us "Chuck Wagon" after a gospel country group, as we sang 4 part harmony. Sometimes we were mocked by some as being goody-goodies or Elamites, after my father who was a minister and supportive of what we were doing. Often when we went home, on the way out, some would say something about us, teasing or mocking and we might get into conversations and disputes with those not of our group. Usually I was too young and shy to get into such conversations but the older youth would have quite some arguments. One time when the youth singing was at our place, dozens of buggies of the “wild” Amish youth came and there was a lot of commotion outside. I suppose we picked up beer bottles the next day, I don't remember. I just know there was a lot of excitement and confusion . We felt like we were invaded. Some times the police came and arrested some for under age drinking.

When I was 15 or 16, there were revival meeting going on near Goshen. These had the emphasis of personal salvation and dedication of lives, or Spiritual renewal. These were the Brunk Revivals, led by two brothers from Virginia. They had a tent set up that could accommodate 6,000 persons and sometimes it was overflowing. Our family went there numerous times with our neighbor as we had no car. He had a 1951 Studebaker, I believe, and we enjoyed his hospitality of transportation. I believe I counted 17 times that I went along.

The meeting lasted about 6 weeks, every evening, (Except Monday nights??) It was at one of these meetings that I went forward and stood with many other by the raised platform and made my commitment to Christ. Then we went to the back of the tent and had a personal worker help us further as we needed it. I recall knowing Scriptures about as well as he as I had been to that Christian school where we memorized so much . It was meaningful to me and to many others and a part of our clarification of salvation and assurance of salvation. Likely this revival was a part of the fuller understanding of salvation for many, and the conviction that this was a commitment of full surrender to God in every aspect of life.

Either before or after the Brunk Brother Revivals, I don't remember just when, I struggled to maintain my relationship with God. As long as I read the Bible daily and prayed, things were ok. But if I would lapse in my devotions, I would wonder about my relation with God. Then I would have to re-commit myself to God again to be sure I was all right with God. When I turned 18, I remember that I affirmed strongly to God that I will serve him even if I have my failings. I then had less difficulty with assurance of my salvation.

When I was about 16, I had a friend in the Amish church who was planning to join the Conservative Mennonite Church. I had planned to join with him at the church just a few miles down the road. When Dad learned of that, he strongly urged me not to. “Wasn't the church of my parents good enough for me?” he asked. I gave in and feel it was likely just as good but many things in my life would have been different, probably not better. I also did not like to promise what I was asked to at baptism: that I would always stay with the Amish church. Dad assured me that that question should be a commitment to be faithful to the Church of Christ, not the denomination. So figuratively, I crossed my fingers when that question was asked. Oddly, the visiting bishop who baptized us, forgot to have us kneel for baptism and so we had to do the questions again “on bended knees” and then be baptized. Loretta was baptized at another church the same day, 9 miles away.

At the same time. there was a mission movement going on in our part of the Amish church. There were a number of mission conferences held, at least three, that I attended in our area or close. The convictions were growing strong that to be a Christian meant to be a witness for Christ. And not just locally but abroad from Indiana. So Hillcrest Home for the aged was started in Arkansas where many youth were exposed to a life of service "out there". Then a mission school was started in Red lake, Ontario, (That deserves a chapter in in itself of our experience there.) Locally also, our church had services at rescue meetings in Elkhart and South Bend.

The youth had "youth project" for some years. We would gather at a church member's house and raise some crop for some mission project. I remember once going house to house in North Goshen distributing cabbage or something. Once we had several acres of popcorn. It was a good time to socialize as well. One year we raised lima beans and shelled them. It was easy to work along side our favorite girl friends and thus often I would just "accidentally" be working beside Loretta. Some may have noticed that habit, but no one made an issue of it. Of course she had no other way to go to project so I always had to pick her up and take her home. But usually a sister was along. Just a bonus of fellowship among the youth.

I mentioned that we were known for our singing. With our mission interest, we would go to sing at homes for the aged, like Froh Brothers in Michigan and in also in Goshen. Somehow,

we also got into churches for programs. As we went past Marion Mennonite church on Route120 the other day, I recalled we once gave a program there. I remember that my future brother-in-law said that was the first time he had lead an audible prayer in a group. There were many firsts for us. We also sang in a Brethren church probably past Syracuse. Once, just for the experience, we visited a black church in Elkhart and of course were intrigued by their different music and amens in the preaching. Some years later we were revisited in our church by a black group and I remember how strange it should have been to have such a foot-stumping group in a "plain" church. I can't remember who invited them. Few if any complained. It wasn't always known who the initiators were of different activities. Someone would lead and others would follow in the many things that happened, although as I mentioned, often a committee consulted in matters or the whole group made decisions. But the single people were usually autonomous with no adult sponsorship.

Along with the Spiritual emphases there was less clinging to the old and traditional ways of the Amish. In the mid fifties the churches, that is, three adjacent Amish churches, began to allow electricity. Soon after, people were beginning to get cars, and the ministers decided they would allow that- with the consent of the congregation. I remember driving a buggy to church when there were also cars there. I never had my own car as a teen; in fact I first got license to drive when I was 19, about the time my father bought the first car for the family. Mom was not to excited about that change. She remarked once, "Yes, you claim you can get there more quickly with a car." Yet our dress code changed little from the Amish style. Well, Loretta did wear a dress with a stand-up collar which was pushing a bit beyond tradition!

Of course the church wasn't the only thing in my life. When I was 17, our family went on a western trip by train. Two sisters, two brothers, and our parents and I traveled. We went to Colorado where we visited some youth who were in alternative service, alternative to the military, which was compulsive at that time for everyone. Then we went north visiting Hutterites in Montana and on west to the coast where my father had cousins in Oregon. There we learned by letter that our barn back home had burn down, struck by lightning. Then we went down to Sacramento where Dad also had a cousin working at a street rescue mission. I remember this cousin telling my dad that when you walk on those streets, you had better keep walking steadily to avoid danger of people there. Later in Southern California we saw some sequoia trees, huge they were, and over to the Grand Canyon. Coming back we visited friends in Kansas. The youth usually had a social for visitors which didn't happen often. One fellow asked me if I had a girl friend back home, and if I thought of her every day. Perhaps it was for the next thing he asked me that. As was their custom, they all had partners for the social and they wanted to set me up with a nice girl, Emma Miller. We knew that family some. We had met two from that family among the VS workers in Colorado earlier on that trip. [[Loretta says I sent her only one post card on that trip and my cousin said I should have sent more.] I could recall many more incidents on that trip, like when we were at the Garden of the Gods in Colorado, my little brother asked "Where are the gods.?" The last stop was at Hillcrest Home in Arkansas where my brother Daniel was serving in those years. Interestingly, for the style of our family, we traveled mostly at night, sleeping on the train, saving us hotel costs. We always had a box of food with us or was it a suitcase? Dad said he would buy three dollars of food which would last about three days, but Joseph once said he got so tired of mushroom soup! I do remember once we rented a house overnight somewhere.. I believe we made our trip bit shorter because of the barn burning, but we still traveled about a month.

The other thing in those days was that when we started rebuilding the barn, Dad suggested I start working away. Money was probably more helpful than my carpentry. So I worked in a poultry dressing plant for about 5 months at $1.20 an hour. My arms ached from pulling chickens out of the crates day after day and would be numb in the mornings. When I went to a doctor about that, he suggested that he knew my family well enough to think I could be doing something a bit more challenging- that my arms were rebelling at the thought of going to work each day. I changed job eventually and worked at Pine Manor, handling dressed turkeys. After about a month I took my first trailer factory job. I guess they expected me to be fully trained and after 2 weeks they let me go without any reason given. I felt they didn't give me enough help to learn the job. I went to another factory and did well, getting raises every few weeks until I had climbed from $1.30 to 1.60 per hour 5 cents at a time, or once 10 cents which was excellent. But being laid off in their slack season, I went to Buddy Mobile Homes in Elkhart. I rode with a young man who went 80-90 mph on Route 20 every day. It seems I was laid off there and went back to Smokers in New Paris, and later back to Buddy's as I closed out my teen years. This experience gave me some skills which were helpful to me in further labor later on as well in getting a job. Getting a job was easy in those days. I gave my Dad all my money from my jobs which he kept track of and allowed 10% which he saved up for me. I had $450 when I got married.

I suppose any young reader would be interested to hear a bit more about dating in “them days,” at least how I learned to know Loretta. Once when our Bible study was just about half mile for her place I walked her home. I don't remember if I even asked her, or just walked with her and her brother. I have no idea what we talked about, probably not much anyway, shy as I have said we were. Around that time I asked her if we could talk somewhere a bit after Bible study until our parent were ready to go home. She said she suspected her parents would say she was too young. After all, she was no more than 15, if even that old. I used to have those early encounters in my head but no more. I mentioned that we were often together at youth project. The same was also true of going to the youth singing on Sunday evenings, Soon, however, I was with her alone. What passed off as necessary for her getting around became a matter of choice. Actually, we rarely went anywhere away by ourselves,. The routine was just that after a Sunday evening singing, I would take her home and we talked at her house in the living room after most of her family had gone to bed. Often we ate ice cream in the kitchen before heading for the living room.

Courting and dating by buggy did have its unique situations and opportunities. One Sunday evening when we were meeting about 4 miles from her home, I allowed the horse to walk all the way to her home. You can imagine how a full moon might have enhanced those kinds of experiences, although I doubt that we knew that it should or could. We would talk and talk, at least I would talk and she mostly would listen. I am still a blabber until she might get tired of it, but then she thought I was a intelligent and she happily listened, I guess. True, after I quit school, I read a lot, especially the Reader's Digest and books on science, especially astronomy. 

Of course in the winter we did not waste too much time in those unheated buggies. We always had a heavy blanket to keep from getting too cold. They joked about some fellows having an "Armstrong Heater" which was riding with your arm around the girl. Sometimes we would ride with another couple, 4 people, where there was only seating for two, each fellow with a girl on his lap, or girls holding each other if there were three girls. We did not think that objectionable although knowing that we always needed to be respectful of each other.

Once we were at my cousin's place, Loretta and I and two other girls and their boy friends. An older single person, Sadie, was also there and she just noted how young we all were. "Well, you girls are just school girls," she exclaimed. It seemed that Loretta had more privileges then the other girls, her close friends, who were about the same age. The girls use to persuade their mothers for going places, "Well, Rosa or Fanny Ellen can go". Of course our parents knew where we were and trusted us and were fairly lenient with the girls even before they were 16 which was the official Amish age of being with the young folks. My mother used to say that they always wanted to know where we are going, but if we went to a second place, they don't have to know. Of course that was ages before cell phones.

With our early associations it is no wonder that we thought of marriage early. I had in mind to go to college but knew I could not go before I was 21: "of age". And I wanted to go to Red Lake to serve my two years. I did not want to go without her, knowing I would not likely see her for a year or two. And we were also well bonded- "in love" before then. So I proposed to her when I was 19 and she two years younger. I like to say that when I wanted to tell her father that we want to get married, he fell asleep without responding. But then he often fell asleep soon after he sat down after supper. Actually I don't know if I had to ask him in our setting, although at that age, it seems I should have. They never did object, but it seems to me that they gently steered us to wait about 6 months longer than I wanted. I suppose Loretta was happy to wait a bit longer. That year Loretta attended 6 weeks of Bible School at Berlin Ohio, which later became Rosedale Bible School. While she was there I visited her one weekend and we went ice skating, something I likely had never done before. Also I went to Red Lake twice to help build the Indian school where we went later for service.

All this was happening in my middle to late teens. It was a most eventful time of change, maturation in faith and relationships. It did not seem nearly as momentous then as it does now, looking back from this stance. God was moving in many ways and places. The dynamic changes taking place in our thinking and commitment was also taking place in other Amish communities. It now seems that the foundation was being laid for many of us from our church who would go out into many places and types of service. We never felt we were doing anything special. We were only following Christ, hopefully, in all of our lives, knowing yet that we were immature and making mistakes as we were learning to live for Christ and his Kingdom, carrying out God's mission for us. Hopefully growing up in our youth years.