FEELINGS ABOUT FOUR SONS

                                                                            (In Belize 2001)

For some time I have wanted to record some feelings I have toward the younger sons in our Belizean family. Yet I am not sure who I would want to address this to as the feelings are very personal, perhaps even embarrassingly so. Probably others around me also like these kids. They recognize the alertness, friendliness, and vigor of their personalities. Perhaps some even notice that they are fairly manageable, particularly for their stage of life. Especially the four brothers are so teaming with energy that if you are not too old or tired, you have to enjoy seeing them in their better moments, which is most of the time. Ah, there could be a catch there. Because they also have their impossible times where a little offense can set one off crying, and there is little one can do to shorten the hurt feelings that have occurred. How can anyone enjoy them, or even tolerate them then without irritation when the crying goes on and on? Usually I can anyway.

I suppose the first time I picked up the second oldest when he was about 3 years old and he leaned so snugly onto my chest, I realized something special for him in my heart, a kind of instant bonding. Then this year it was the oldest, who is so loyal, intimate, and at times jolly, that he seems like the son I never had, who should have followed in our birth family after our youngest daughter who I often think of when I am with him. Finally, there is the youngest, only a year and a half old, who loves to be picked up, and sometimes just can’t stop burying his face affectionately into my neck. He has responded so well to my care for him. When I lift him up from the little overwhelming things in his experiences he is soon comforted and can forget his crises. He knows I care and that he can come to me anytime, and he does. The three year old is also special, even as he experiences highs and lows frequently. He loves jumping from the high places, and sometimes from my knees, as far as he can. He may wonder when no means no. He sings and sings the same line vigorously over and over again, and learns parts of new songs quickly. The three youngest already sing a trio, and last night the 3 year old was beating drums with his younger brother clapping through all songs from the March for Jesus CD.

What am I trying to say about these children? They are in my heart day and night. It is so easy to pray for them as they lie down at night in pairs. They may repeat the prayer line by line, especially the next oldest. “Pray for us,” his older brother said when I asked them once of what comes next as they lay down. When I said God is Good, the youngest, who doesn’t yet talk, made sounds recognizable of imitating those words. In only the few months we have had these kids, they have developed so much love and feeling and self esteem. When their mother comes here, they may hug her, but when she takes them home for a spell, they soon want to return here. They give me so much that it is so easy to love them continually. I pray for them every day. May God wrap his love around them even so as I do. I can bear with them their inexpressible disappointments, where it could be so frustrating not to know the problem they are facing. Not that I am not slightly tempted at times to loose patience. But their tenderness helps me to be calm until their crises has passed. I wish I could have them until they grow up. But they are still free from being needed for my fulfillment. I just want them to have the full life that my other children have, or more. That goal carries me on, what ever their future will be. I just want to love them until they are safely in another home where parents are younger, and committed as we are to carry them on into faith and maturity. I love them with the love that God has placed in my heart, so that they may be his children forever, and though mine for a while.

     The Kingdom of God

              Is A Party,

     With many Children

       And a Lot of Food.

             THE PROVERBS OF NOAH

                                                     Solomon spoke three thousand proverbs (I Kings 4:32)

                                                     But Noah had only sixty-three- well sixty four.

                                         Mostly from matters learned in Belize

1. It is better to be old and be considered irrelevant

Than to speak up and confirm all prejudice.

2. When buying tools when you are young, buy Makita;

When buying in middle age, buy Craftsman;

When buying after 60 or when living in a third world country, buy Harbor Freight.

After twenty years in Belize, buy only what you must to survive.

3. As long as you beg for food, you will be poor;

But when you work, you will have plenty

4. It is not right that old men should work hard

To support young men who will not work.

5. It is better to feed a hungry child

Then support a lazy mother.

6. He who waits for bread from abroad

Will often find himself hungering.

7. To forget when you are middle-aged is normality;

But to forget when you are older is abnormality.

8. It is better to be understanding than to understand.

And to be misunderstood than to be misbelieved.

9. True friendships lasts forever,

But friendship based on gifts is but for a season.

10. The Kingdom of God is a party

With many children and a lot of food

11. To perceive the motives of another is clever,

To know what to do with that knowledge is wisdom.

12. “Wait” is what broke the wagon down

From Teacher Norman Kaufman

13. You always have two choices From N.K.

14. Love is lonely when alone; and so God made Man.

Man was also lonely, and so God made woman.

Woman was lonely and so they had children.

15. Be gentle and patient with children and youth

For it takes eighteen years to make a man.

16. A wife in your bed

Is worth two in your head.

17. God who provides shelter from the rain

Provides shelter for a future rainy day.

18. Life is not a free lunch;

So the lazy go hungry.

19. Life is not a free lunch;

Only the lazy think so.

20. He who depends on others for food

Often finds his belly begging bread.

21. He who thinks he knows it all is disdained;

If he does not know everything he is humiliated.

22. It takes much noise to fill an empty head;

But a thoughtful person loves quietness.

23. To be politically correct is expedient;

But to be correct may not be politically expedient.

24. He who does not learn patience in his youth

Will have ample occasion to learn it later.

25. All men forget, get tired, weary, and lose things;

But if you are aged, that is blamed for everything.

26. If a young man forgets, he is scatter-brained;

If a middle-aged man forgets, he is normal;

But if an older person forgets, it because of his age.

27. He who steals from him that feeds him,

Becomes an enemy to him who cares.

28. If you live like a rich man you will be poor;

But if you live like a poor man you will be rich.

29. A poor man who demands more and more,

Will likely love the giver less and less

30. Those who have always been poor

Will never know the limits of the “rich”.

31. The child who is not loved by somebody

Has little reason to obey anybody.

32. He who is trusted most among your friends

Will cause grave hurt when he betrays you.

33. He who is loved too little when he is younger,

May still learn to love greatly when he is older;

And be adoringly appreciated by many.

34. There is enough on earth for all men’s need,

But never enough for all men’s greed.

                                   From Pastor Mike Evans

35. He who is frequently driven to seek shelter in a dog house

Becomes wary of the master who drives him there.

36. A wise man uses his lips to seal his mouth;

But a fool rolls back his lips to show his anger.

37. He who ignores his elders when he is young,

Can expect to be ignored when he is old.

38. He who is willfully deaf when he is young,

May unwillingly be deaf when he is old.

39. It is better too have many children than to have none

40. The perfectionist is never satisfied,

But the humble is at peace with life.

41. The humble make a feast of anything,

But the perfectionist is rarely full.

42. The missionary who is rejected goes home sadly;

But the one who is ignored labors under a burden.

43. He who lives above his means will always feel poor;

But he who lives below will always have plenty to share.

44. He who can sing will sing;

He who can’t, chants or raps.

45. As diamond are used to grind diamonds,

So strength of character is built by hardships of life.

                                                           CHAPTER 2

1. When you age, you become more confident as you become less competent;

Until you really aged and you are very incompetent and still confident.

2. The middle aged ignore the counsel of their elders

      So they can make the same mistakes their elders did

Because they also did not listen to their elders.

3. The way to a man’s heart may be through his stomach,

But the way to a woman’s heart is a maze-ing.

[It is much easier to please a man than a woman.]

4. Self praise stinks! (Mother Eliza)

5. He who feels hurts when he gives to his neighbor

Is either to stingy or too generous.

6. The wife who asks advice and then scorns it

Plays a trick on her husband that insults him.

7. Of the Christian life my father said, “Consistency, Thou art a Jewel.”

Of daily helping the poor, the son says, “Consistency, Thou art Cruel.”

8. Criticism is like polishing a rough personality

But if it never stops it becomes salt on a wound.

9. The perfectionist and the pessimist are never happy,

But the man of faith moves forward with contentment and joy.

10. Incessant criticism calluses the soul

Until it has little feeling for the critic.

11. A porcupine and a fuzzy rabbit make an odd couple.

12. Advice is;

What you ask when already know the answer;

What you ask when you know what you should do and don’t want to;

What you ask even though you have decided already;

What you ask even though you don’t want an answer now;

When you ask and you know you will not follow the answer.

So why do people ask for advice? Please advise me!

13. A woman sees a store as a museum where you can buy something if you wish;

A man sees a store as a place to buy something and look around if he wishes.

14. An American always saves a little money for emergencies;

But a Belizean spends the last cent so it is useful.

15. A jailbird that flies from coup to coup

Has little apprehension of his next arrest.

16. When you are young, you worry what people think;

When you are middle-aged, you don’t care what they think;

When you are old, you know that no one was thinking at all.

                                                                         ( source unknown)

17. The critic and the perfectionist are never satisfied;

And the pessimist is mother to both.

18. Those who have least will least appreciate what they have;

But those who have most value most what they have.

19. When you are young, all you can think about is sex;

But when you are old, all you can do is think about sex.

                                                   (not original)

             GIVING TO THE POOR, BIBLICAL AND CULTURAL RESERVATIONS

When we first came to Belize, a seasoned missionary tried to discourage me from giving money to people unless they do some little job. Knowing well the words of Jesus to “Give to him who asks you, and from the one who would borrow from you, do not turn away”, I took his word with a grain of salt. Perhaps having a person do a little something seems good, but over the years, it has often been more of a nuisance to make work for someone, or letting them do something and then we have to pay them, like the man who often wants to wipe my windows while I shop, and then lays guilt on me to give him something. I have felt over the years that there must be American cultural values that try to restrain us from helping the poor as much as Biblical and cross cultural liabilities in sharing with the poor. To sort these out and separate them is a task that needs to be faced for anyone with means to help the poor in the cross cultural settings.

There are many reasons we have heard not to give handouts to the poor and needy:

It just makes them dependent and loose motivation to work.

“It is better to teach a man to fish than give him a fish.”

We really don’t have it to give.

They will misuse it.

They really don’t need it; just want us to make it easier for them.

They can make it without us when we are not here.

They will use it for something else than what they are asking for.

It is the church’s job, not our tax dollars that should help.

Someone else, their families should help.

Why are you helping them?

They will just come around here more and be a problem.

All these reasons not to give have one thing in common: it relieves us of responsibility and a guilty conscience in not helping them. That is not to say that there is not a half truth in most rationalizing about helping the poor. But where there is a half truth, there is also an excuse, or half lie- that is, the reason given is not the whole reason a person does not want to give.

There are various Biblical restraints or cautions in giving. Paul said in one church setting that those who would not work should not be given food by others. In the Belizean settings, those not willing to work should not be relieved of the need to work. I personally have said no to many young men on the streets of our town who begged for a dollar or less. Some will probably think I am mean or stingy unless I give a good one line real reason. But what of single mothers? Do they have to work before we have to help them just because they have children of irresponsible fathers who let their children go malnourished? Should we take the fathers to court if they do not respond to our challenge? And what of the children meanwhile?

Jesus said we should not cast our pearls before swine. It is easy to take the pearls as symbolic of our wealth, and the swine as poetic of the lazy, ungrateful, drug using poor, who however may have helpless children. It makes sense that regardless how much we have, we should not throw it around carelessly. This scripture no doubt is more of a warning about wasting our resources, perhaps even the Gospel to persons who will twist everything you say and use it against you.

Perhaps it would be applicable to giving money to a poor drug user, knowing what your money will be used for. This is a daily risk for us with one person, but it would be a poor excuse for closing our purse and heart to all persons of unknown repute, who, even as this one person we help, actually does have real, legitimate needs without a legitimate income most of the time.

The pat answer is to give in kind rather than cash. Sometimes that is much more inconvenient then practical and a choice has to be made, especially when children are involved.

There certainly is validity in the goal and serious commitment to help people earn a sufficient living by promoting various legitimate means such as job training, industry, or giving them real jobs where it is possible. I have felt many times that we should only give cash until we find a better way to help them. And we have done that. Welfare should be a temporary, emergency way of helping. Yet Jesus was realistic that “The poor you will always have with you.” This is because some have deficiency in supporting themselves through some handicap. The handicap may even be an undeveloped economy as far as jobs are concerned where it is much harder to make a living than when I was young in the USA.

Paul also warns people about being dependent on others, but he encourages people to work with their hands, (he assumes there is work to find.) so as to have more than you need so that you can help others, (which is assumed will always be around you.) Paul assumes that people have options of working productively if they so desire. This is far truer in some societies than others. The two billion poor people in the world are not just lazy. Their options for the most part are severally limited. The challenge in Belize is to help people have hope against many odds, to work as they can, and not to shrink and contend themselves with dependencies. I have met many people who would gladly work, who begged me for a job, and they keep trying, but rarely get a dependable 40 hour per week job. Chronic unemployment is a burden, and even for the semi-skilled, under-employment and part-time jobs, serious gaps in income are common.

Jesus had serious words about helping “the least of these my brothers” as a criteria in separating the sheep and the goats. John also declares that the one who can see his brother in need and closes his heart to him, providing he has the means, it is doubtful that the man has much comprehension of God’s love in his heart. It is thus impossible to be faithful to the Word and pass off one's responsibility by repeating half truths such as mentioned above. If these excuses are half truths, then we must take seriously the truths that are unspoken, and do the positive thing, rather than using the false part of the half truth to do nothing, which is the definitely wrong.

For the Christian, it is no option to do nothing. It is essential to do the best thing possible in the cultural and economic situation. It should always be remembered that many problems of poverty [in Belize for sure] are also related to sin and ignorance, so that the effective Christian must always be ready to have the Word and words of counsel, training, and challenge ready as he helps the poor though their poverty into the better Way of God.

                                                                                                                Thanksgiving Day

                                                                                                                November 24, 2005

It is interesting that there have been a number of page views from Russia and Germany along with other countries.  I would be very interested to learn how you from abroad came across my blogs. I welcome your and all comments to lornoah@comcast.net

            Blogs Items by Dates Posted

Comments welcome at lornoah@comcast.net

March 5 We Met Angels in Mexico

God Our Loving Creator

The Cost and Rewards of Discipleship in Missions in Belize

March 6 What Am I Doing?

What Is Heaven Like In My Mind?

Shopping- Creativity Out Of Boredom

New Love and Old Love

Love Your Neighbor as Yourself

Let God Be King of Kings

March 8 When You Really Love a Person

March 10 From a Family Letter, March 2013

Why Write and have a Blog?

March 15 Look for a new Blog the first of Each Month

April 1, 2013

At Our House

Some Epic Similes

Stories of my early Childhood

The Kingdom is close,

Little Tyreck

Too Much Help

People are like Animals

May 1, 2013

To Like and to Love

“Life in These United States”

Some Epic Similes after Belize

The Sacredness of Nature

A Trip East When I was Young

70 Blessings of God in My Life

Toward a Philosophy of Dispersing this World's Goods

Three Views of Culture

                                                         To Like and To Love

                           (For anyone contemplating marriage, or weighing their relationships)

When do you like a person and when do you love someone? If you like being around a person, is it because you love them[him or her], or like the person for the pleasant feeling it gives you to be there? Obviously you don't really like being with someone if it is unpleasant to be there even if you would make some sacrifice for the person out of love.

To like a person is to feel good about their presence because the person makes you feel good. But love is a commitment not limited to the good feeling you get from being in harmony with that person.

It may be that before marriage, you may like a person very much, but would not be willing to make a sacrifice if things got really rough in your relationship, or if you were very disappointed in that person. After marriage, in the commitment of faithfulness and permanent love, you are committed to care regardless how you feel, whether or not you like  how the person is relating to you at the moment or generally. Thus it may be that liking the person dominates the relationship before marriage and love is the commitment in marriage.

So, when you cuddle up to your partner, is it liking or loving? If it is only for your feelings, it is liking. If it is also because it makes her feel good, it is also loving. It is both when it is what you both want to give to each other and what you want to receive and it makes to feel good. It is the same for sex. It can be mutually positive, or for the benefit of one more than the other. If closeness is only for the liking of one of the person, it becomes a matter of self interest, and becomes a turn-off for the uninterested person. Unless it is done for the sake of the other person, unselfishly. I suppose all relationships should keep a balance of loving and liking: or loving above liking. Certainly to love a person and don’t like him in part becomes a stale and difficult relationship. Happily, one both likes and loves the person married to.