7 Things Happy Couples Do Daily

1.        Kiss- to boost your self-esteem

2.                 Hug- to decrease stress

3.                 Listen- to build trust

4.                 Cuddle- to boost your immune system

5.                 Forgive- to clear negative energy

6.                 Laugh- to boost intimacy

7.                 Say “I love you”- to live long together

      These 7 things are small actions but will deeply

       strengthen relationships when done daily.

      From “Power of Positivity"                     

                                                      Is God All We Need?                                            

I am a bit uneasy when we sing songs that affirm that God is all we need. It seems to be saying on the surface that God himself is our only support and commitment in whom we have total faith, which seems pious and devoted to God. But it seems to ignore we have needs that are met through God's ways and not through him alone in praise, worship or trust and commitment. Let's explore how God has set up the support we all need which may not be from him directly as the songs seem to assume and imply.

When God made man and placed him in the Garden of Eden, man's relationship to God was free and unspoiled and we assume they talked to each other freely. Yet God said that it was not good for the man to be alone by himself; and so he made a woman to be his counterpart to fill a need he had created in man. It wasn't enough for God to be God with a perfect relationship with man. Man needed a person next to him who was more like himself.

It also was not enough for the couple to have each other. They needed to have the joy of creativity God had created in them. Thus God enabled them to have children. So he fulfilled the nature of his own creativity by that ennoblement of sex and procreation. .

He also placed them in the Garden. They needed an environment. He set it up and then they were to care for it themselves.  Ever since then man has been caring and perfecting his environment so that today we have cities, houses, and many beautiful things. People shape their setting at more than necessity because of their need for perfection in their environment, more as God had created for them.

So more than man being sufficient in relating to God, he also needed a human element for completion of his needs, and the ability to reproduce. Then further, the drive to create the best world he could to live in. Man was not satisfied and still isn't content to just have a relationship with God, even though restored in Jesus. Christians as well are never satisfied with just having God, as if he met all their needs and interests, as some of their songs may imply or idealize. God wanted more for man then simply being man’s only support, to be satisfied with only a relationship with him. So he created him with many ways related to his fellow humans and environment. We need a lot! That is how God made us. Is that why we try to come back and sing that all we really need is God?  Kind of an over-correction. Perhaps it would be more correct to sing that God provides a way for all our needs, and be ever grateful for that.

                                             What is Salvation (For)?

It seems to me salvation in the Christian faith may be emphasized in 3 or 4 ways. Individuals, congregations and denomination emphasize one or more of these ways which follow the tradition of any of these groups. While we cannot insist that only one is correct, it seems to me we should be reminded to examine what our options are and see if we as believers should consider if our emphasis of salvation corresponds to Jesus' life, teaching, and the life of the early church and NT writings.

A basic meaning of salvation is to be saved from our sins and sinful life with its consequences. Some churches emphasize this aspect so that every service must help persons in the audience to know how to be saved and to having an “invitation” for persons to make a public stand- perhaps literally for Christ and repentant from sin. This is to ACCEPT Jesus as Lord and Savior. The point here is that while this is certainly important, it  is only one option of emphasis to experience salvation.

A second option is to assume that the church's main public stance on salvation is to worship. When we are in corporate worship or in personal ”devotions” we worship him with thanksgiving and surrender ourselves to him  This may be the stance of the saved, at whatever level of understanding or maturity the worshiper has come to at any point. Commitment is assumed but not focused on. To give God the glory is the meaning and chief expression of our salvation.

A third focus may to be a part of a fellowship and a commitment to that fellowship and to live out the Christian life in the cooperate life of the church. Believers have so much in common, and their commitment to each other and the establishment of faith is paramount to salvation. The Amish may be the best example of this concept of salvation. Unity is very important and pattern and specificity is an expression of them of being saved. Yet assurance of salvation is not important, in this understanding but being a loyal obedient church member is the best one can do, trusting God for our eventual salvation. When you join the church as a member, you are moving toward full salvation by God's grace. 

A fourth understanding of salvation and expression is seen in working out one's love to God and commitment to him by being in service in the world. The goal is for all people in the world to know God's love and accept the life and faith which we have from our Lord Jesus. If “God so loved the world that he gave his only son” then the highest repression of being children of God is to give ourselves in love to the world so that they “will not be lost but have eternal life. The typical expressions of this nature of salvation are in witness, missions, and service to humanity. It is expressed in the belief of being “saved to serve” as the basic expressions of our salvation. If you can keep your salvation to yourself, it is very narrow and self-centered and hardly real.

These four options of chief emphases are not mutually exclusive  but illustrated so that a choice can be made on how we may best express the meaning of salvation as we find it in the teachings of Jesus, the “Acts of the Apostles and the NT writings. The forth option, which is the most drastic for the church and believers, assumes all the others, but spells out a perspective  that makes the other come in line to accompany the Salvation of the world which is the central function of the church in the pattern of God's love for the world. All of the first 3 expressions of salvation are supportive to the end purpose of God in saving us. We are not saved just for own sake or to have a good life in the fellowship of the church, but to carry out the purpose of God in sending Jesus into the world- to save the world.

     

When one seeks to help the church really be saved and live out salvation in the fourth dimension, it soon becomes evident that the church need to be greatly overhauled in all its expressions and functions. Worship is affected.. Preaching is different. The outlook on the world is different. Is the best we can do to just shift emphasis gradually? When someone affirmed our years of service in Belize, I responded that we were only doing what everyone should be doing, only in another place. This writing is to set us to thinking what salvation is and what we are saved for. This needs much exploration 

                                                         Clingy or Mature?

Sometimes it seems to me that people express a feeling that is considered holy, or faithful of trusting in God and clinging tightly to him for every step of their lives. This seems to me to be the position of child who feels insecure unless she has hold of the hand of a parent. Or a child that is comfortable only when in the arms of his mother. While this may seem pious as a matter of devotion to God, it seems to me, perhaps as an older man, that it is a somewhat immature position for a Christian.

A person learns a whole lot in life on the will of God, whether or not he feels the hand of God. God is always there. God has given us much knowledge of his ways and will for the lives of his children. He keeps on giving wisdom, to use that knowledge, in the pursuits of our daily lives. An example is that of this morning, as we were contemplating sending money to a family in Belize that had contacted us for help. In fact, two single mothers had requested help in the past day. What to do in light of bills here that are due early next week and we do not have money for all that and any good amount of money for the needs of our friends in Belize. What we decide to do, depends on our knowledge of these situations and wisdom, and our yieldedness to do what we feel in their best interests and in our situation. Certainly we could borrow money to meet all present needs and requests. But is that what we should do?

It would be easiest if God would just tell us plainly without question what do in many situations in life. Then we would know! But has he not given us a mind to use, and many experiences to draw on, as well as the counseling of others when needed? Somehow, it seems God just doesn't want to make all decisions for us, even though he certainly could and could communicate the best answer to us if he would desire. Many people want to have some kind of hotline to heaven, some sign of knowing God's will, perhaps a feeling in the body, or even the “heart”. Doing what feels right. This may be good, but at times we have found that we still ended up where we would not have want to come to. For us, to have a sizable home equity loan plus credit cards ,now with elevated interest- we certainly would not have chosen quite this place in our finances, had we seen everything 10-15 years ago.

I have wondered sometimes, if God led us, how did we get into this situation? It is part of being human, to us to follow our convictions and common sense, which may still get us into unenviable situations. My confidence is that even if we get ourselves into any wilderness of uncertainty in the paths we choose, we can still depend on a faithful God who will always be watching over us. It wasn't that we should have fearfully clung closer to his hands, but that we can venture forth in the way he has called us and then be confident that he will never desert us. Thus we can use the experiences we have in a life of walking along side God, or following Christ, and discerning the way to go by the wisdom of the Holy Spirit within us. We are free to venture forth into the world, confident that God will always be within reach and protecting us in his ways for us. Perhaps he will not make everything clear or sensible to us, but certainly he will never desert us as we trust him maturely as we follow him in all of life as we venture forth in the light of our experiences and knowledge.

                                            HOW WE BUY (Or How We Decide As Couples)

There are three criteria that persons use in deciding what to buy on any item: Quality, economy, and aesthetics. Take clothes for example. When you buy pants or a sweater, or what ever. Are you most concerned about how long it will wear, or how attractive it is, or how much it will cost? Certainly there is usually a combination of interests in the three criteria. For some persons, one will dominate where as for another person a different one will be most important. It will also depend on what you are buying. If a woman is buying a dress, how it looks is dominate usually with durability and cost secondarily. If a man is buying work pants, durability ranks above attractiveness usually, with cost also important. But buying a car may find a couple divided on what to buy: to buy something economical to use, or in fashion? Or does the record of repairs of such a model matter, or the present condition of the car matter a lot?

Which criteria prevails or dominates is also dependent greatly on parental influence and personal interests and probably often gender. If your parents came through the Great Depression and you grew up under that mentality and memory, economy may be very important in most things. Perhaps initial costs may be more important than durability as survival in the short run was the focus in their day. Aesthetics had little influence in those days of practical survival.

Economics has another influence when there is plenty of money around. Sufficiency allows for cultivation of aesthetics. For example, when there is money lying around, one can buy tasty food (aesthetics) beyond practical nutrition, (quality). One can also excel in various arts of music, entertainment, and art. Here durability technological quality may be as important as aesthetics if money is no problem.

From these examples, it is easy to see why a husband and wife may have difficulty in shopping together. There are of course gender differences in styles of shopping: the wife is likely to shop aesthetically,  while the man will cling to his purse [economy] except when he wants to buy something. Window shopping may be appealing to a woman’s aesthetic interests, but when she likes something, costs may appear to take back seat to the husband who may not have the same aesthetic taste or interest. The wife may want to buy something for him also for which he senses no need as he measures needs by still durable materials in his possessions, and not as much by now nice something new may be. However gender generalities are not consistent.

It is likely that some couples may compromise buying in order to “keep peace in the family.” The husband may be content to spend more on eye glass frames and his preference on durability may take back seat to her aesthetics. She may also allow him to buy used clothes at Goodwill- if they don’t look too bad by her tastes, although she would like him to buy new stuff. Yet sometimes compromises are not that simple if they hold different criteria strongly. If he feels their budget is strained, he may object strongly to her buying something for aesthetics sake beyond quality and necessity. For the woman, necessity may be spelled psychological- the need to do something for her self, which to the husband may be a category incomprehensible. Then the strength of wills may prevail before a decision is made. It helps to be understanding. 

                                             ME AND BROTHER NORMAN

                                                       (From my biography)

Brother Norman was my teacher at Clinton Christian Day School the first three years of that school's existence and my last three years of school. It was his first teaching job. I remember how he stood before us on that first day and told us with a little nervousness, that he was a new teacher. He was friendly, down to earth, and a serious Christian which showed every day. Friendly yes, but not a buddy. He was the teacher, and his friendly dignity never broke down.

He told us only a little of his family, being one of 15 children in Montana, far out West. He was married to a local young woman. But I new little more. I knew that he became a deacon at some time. He was a Mennonite and I was Amish, so we met little outside of school functions.

I remember how he could prod students to study. He was consistent in a memory program of Scripture. Every Monday he would assign a group of verses. These we practiced during the week and by Friday we wrote them. There would be anything from 5 to 14 verses. We memorize the book of I John and the 4 chapters of Romans- 5-8. The longest stretch for a week was John 1:1-14. Then there were many other individual verses. Did we memorize the Sermon on the Mount? I don’t know, but it has always been very familiar. It did not seem laborious for me.

But there was one thing I could never memorize. When he asked us to memorize the circulation of the blood in the human body, I was staggered, and said I could never learn that. Everybody else I suppose, learned to say it, but I was the last and then needed some help to get through. What the difference was with that and Scriptures, I don’t know, except what I put my heart to, I could do, but not what I didn’t feel able, was impossible.

Brother Norman had a way of saying something that would always stick with me. Some were sayings like, “Wait (weight) is what broke the wagon down”, (possibly as an antidote to causing delay) which I repeated to my children for years before they fully comprehended it. He always said that there are always two alternatives to every problem, something I recalled many times when my family thought there was not even one way out of a dilemma. He even claimed that he can prove that a hill was a lazy dog: “a slow [p] up.”

He had other ways to make a point. One time when I had trouble getting to class after recess, he had me and another student with the same problem write an essay on “Choice, Not Chance, Determines Human Destiny” I don’t know whether the other student took that seriously, but I did and wrote up a page of my thesis. He had a reason for making me do it.

One time, perhaps soon after the above essay, as I wrote before, I’m not sure, he summoned me into the office and asked me point blank, “Are you a Christian?” I was probably about 15 at the time. It didn’t help him to say that I hope so, or wanted to be. He

wanted to know if I WAS then; or to make me think on that issue. I don’t remember how that conversation turned out but I never forgot the question. He had that kind of concern and when I responded then at Brunk Brother Revival invitation, about that time, I knew the salvation Scriptures a little better than the person ascribed to help me reach a conclusion. Brother Norman was really concerned about important matters.

So he was also concerned about self-control. When I discovered a girl sitting near me in the class room who was willing to listen to me anytime I said something, he noticed that. He had us stay in one recess and allowed us to talk all we wanted, which wasn’t nearly as much fun as in school time. I suppose his watchful eye spoiled everything!

Brother Norman really fostered a love of music in many of us. He led in chorus practice and in many school programs. He noticed my harmony singing and once asked several of us to sing a song for the group to help them hear what it should sound like. We sang many kinds of music, of course all religious. He made hymn singing enjoyable for all.

After I quit school after the ninth grade, I still asked to accompany the class on a trip to Kentucky and he allowed me to go. I enjoyed that for many reasons including that by then I already admired Loretta and it didn’t exactly please Brother Norman that I wanted to be around her, like for traveling or when ever it came up. I don’t remember any details of his displeasure, only that he wasn’t very comfortable. After all, I was no longer in school and I made it awkward for him to do much about me.

I always admired Brother Norman for his persistent tutorage and concern for me both in my education and Spiritual development. His character was so consistently Christian and his dedication to teaching so clear. It was then a bit of a disappointment that when I left school, I also lost familiar contact with him. When we would see each other at school functions, I admired him more than he considered me a special person. He was special to me. Perhaps I was a problem to him some times, or he couldn’t be close to all his students. But to me he was a noble mentor, one of the most significant teachers I had in my first nine years. I will always remember Brother Norman as one who went before me when I needed a model for my life.

                                                             TOO MUCH HELP?*

It seems that from a long time, people have been very helpful in giving me information and guidance in abundance. From the time my mother gave me endless instructions on right behavior, and tried her best to cull out misbehavior, down to my retirement years when my wife is constantly pointing out my misspeaking and misjudgments, I have had an array of endless assistance in going down the path of prudence and wisdom, let alone practical directions. Recently I have been mulling over this phenomenon of my life and tried to understand just what might be behind all this.

It may just be that I have been surrounded by people who really care about me, far beyond what many people experience. My mother tried to show her love by trying to make me an obedient and decent boy. She tried so hard, my sisters once agreed privately to each other that I was the one who received more spankings than any of the other children, topping out all 9 siblings. Why she singled me out for this concern is beyond me. It was the same in school, not with spanking, but with teachers who were desperate to keep me from expressing my thoughts and feelings privately during the class hour. Once a teacher kept me and an attractive girl in at recess time and said we can talk all we wanted to. It was not nearly as fun as it should have been, for some reason. It seems they always had me in their watchful eye. As a married person I worked in a factory where I was also surrounded by people who gave me a lot of attention. They observed my work, and urged me to “work a little faster if you can stand it”. They tried to help me be a super worker, a drive that has never fully left me. And as we as a family would be on the road, sometimes my wife would watch the road more carefully than I, telling me when I was catching up with the car in front of us; or when pausing at a stop sign, telling me there was a car coming down the road just as I was starting up after surveying both directions. Who knows the accidents she spared us from by her constant co-watching traffic and the road for us, noticing even if I drove too close to the center of the road, or the edge. One just can’t have too much caring help in such dangerous ventures as driving on roads fraught with all kinds of potential pitfalls. Yes, I have always been surrounded with a multitude of caring people to assure that I would survive securely to a ripe old age in the best of shape.

Another reason for receiving such an abundance of help in my life may simply be that I take life so casually. Few things were hard for me, whether studying, building a house, graduating from college, supervising supper for a dozen kids, or minding my own business. Driving a car was a more common thing to me than riding a bicycle as an adult, and much easier. It was just automatic, sitting there, talking, and hands lightly on the wheel. Once I discovered on a family trip in the Wild West, that our station wagon could hold the road for over a mile, with my hands actually only inches above from the steering wheel. My fingers were right there, but not close enough for some family members. My son told me recently that I was careless, not minding to things carefully. Probably often I could not have cared less about focusing on something that I had done a thousand times, and knew exactly how carefully I had to be to make things come out in a way satisfactory to me. Ah, there’s the rub; while others spent 110% of the time necessary to do something perfectly, I do a 98% job in half the time. Like sweeping the living room rug, which with a bunch of kids around will look the same in an hour, whether I do things my way, or others spend twice as much time on the job. Life is too short to do a perfect job on only half the things that should be done. Better do all that needs doing at 98% perfection than half at super perfection. Or I recall how my teens felt I was not very excited when they were facing crises with no way out as they saw it. I just remembered a teacher who taught us that there were always two choices in everything. Just sit down and think, and choose the best solution. That I why I never faced a crises as a dead end; there are always two ways out, even out of this life. So, many people not knowing that life can be taken casually, and we can accomplish far more by concentrating and considering the essential next moves; or the cost-effective way of work, or job, more than getting all steamed up about minute details, they think I just take things too casually and want to help me in ways not really necessary.

There may be a third reason people have been so helpful. Besides seeming so casual, I also appear very vulnerable and defenseless. I don’t project myself ostensibly or pretentiously; I am just me- confident, quiet, and a very safe person to help. I appear somewhat easy to heap help on, needed or not. Most people want to help the helpless and vulnerable. It makes them feel good to help the weak, and besides, there is that satisfaction of being benevolent. It also makes people feel one up on the person helped. So appearing vulnerable to help, it is safe, gratifying, and gaining self esteem to do something good for those like myself who appear weak, helpless, and vulnerable.

These are some of the reasons people may have offered me so much help in my life. Some just care so much; some mistake my confidence and casual approach to life as careless, and some find it is safe and gratifying to help me as I will not be able to defend myself against their help- which, taken all together, is just a little too much help.

*Hint: Take this essay with a half grain of salt.