Some Things I Believe About A Woman But Am Not Sure They Are True.

(This title is suggested by the comic “Pickles” where the wife states that what the husband believes is not true. The husband declares that he knows that, but he still believes it. Here are some examples of my such beliefs.)

1. It is best not to disagree with what a woman says. If you do, she will feel that you are saying that she is wrong. How could she be wrong since she is simply speaking facts? What she feels is true is true, otherwise what is true is not true- which is impossible. So if you disagree with her, you must be wrong. No wonder then that there is an argument if you disagree. So if you disagree in your heart or mind, better just be so in your own heart and spend a little longer in discerning the “real truth.” Perhaps at another time when you have a clearer idea of what is correct, you can discuss the matter without challenging her assertion or making any kind of reference to it. Perhaps you may be able to set the truth on firm ground- your truth. Well, it is worth a try. But if your ulterior motive shows through, you will likely loose again and find yourself arguing against the “truth”, so that you are back to square one. This is something I have learned in the past 50 years, but I am still not sure if it is always true. After all, if we would discuss it, it definitely would not be true in any situation I could bring up as an example which would be necessary in order to give ‘truth” some embodiment so that it can be discussed. So it may best just never to argue with a woman. Just love her anyway, even if she thinks differently, perhaps not right or wrong, as she thinks of her only two option.

2. Sometimes when a woman complains seriously about something needing repair- making a legitimate complaint- the man is inclined to do something about it in short order. However, he may fail to realize that the complaint was less about something needing repair than listening to the woman’s feelings and her needing to express herself. One could wonder if doing something directly about the complaint may not miss the point of listening to her and even frustrate the woman who has lost a legitimate handle for expressing her negative feelings. Perhaps he has fixed the problem but given her one more reason to complain that he does not understand her.

3. Sometimes it seems that when she comes to me with a big problem, burden, frustration, or decision, if I make any suggestion at all, she just has one more obstacle confronting her, making her problem even greater, because I don’t really understand her complaint. It may at times be better to say nothing, or simply listening, then to try to help her solve or reduce her problem with my “wisdom”. With my analytical compulsion, I have to ask myself whether her biggest problem may not stem more from her mindset or mood than having anything to do with the issue she raises. But to tell her that would also most likely only add one more to the stack of problems she already is bringing forth!

4. Should I ever become perfect in her eyes, no doubt she would feel her life mission is accomplished. However, I am sure she feels she has a long way to go even after 50 years of improving me and so I will not have to worry about losing her for a while.

5. When I left her at a grocery store this morning, I headed over to the bank to do some business. As I waited in line, I mused over many past experiences of leaving her at a store and expecting to meet her there again. It is not as simple as it sounds. She is a small woman and it seems the larger the store in the States, the smaller she seems to become and more difficult to find again. Even in the small store in Belize where I had left her once, another time I looked down all six aisles of the store twice and could not find her. Perhaps in the smaller stores she can disappear entirely without a trace. Once I asked a security guard if he had seen her and he couldn’t recall. So you can imagine it is with some trepidation that I leave her anywhere without arranging precisely where to find her again; knowing she might change her plans. If it gets any more complicated I may just place a GPS device around her ankle, or better yet around her waist on a stretchable band in case she shrinks again in some store.