Our Center of Life

We all live in two worlds as Christians, the world of our cultural environment and the world of our faith commitment; the first one by necessity and the second by choice. For some, the culture is the dominate world so that all of our priorities must be in place first, Then the commitment we have to God will have to find its niche in the cracks and crevices of our time, energy, and finances that are permitted by the priority cultural commitment. If our commitment of faith takes priority over our environment we could live anywhere, in any culture, with any people, and on a survival bases of economy so that the opportunities for service to God can best be accomplished. Only our survival needs to be assured in the commitment mentality in the short run for us to function.

The above contrasts of focus somewhat typified the tension we have experienced in our life between living in Belize and in the US cultures. Much rationalizing can be done to argue for either orientation of life. The stronger the main focus is on one, the more tendency there is for the other to be minimized. As Jesus said, “No one cannot serve two masters [equally]”: one will tend to dominate. We can’t follow these alternatives without a bias. There just is no easy way to balance these out, like holding a carpenter's level in front of you. As priorities, they tip one way or the other. Perhaps one could put them on a continuum, but there would never be middle point. One will always weigh more than the other in our lives. Compromise is a dirty word here for both orientations. Perhaps only a full devotion to God's Kingdom can create a perspective to live only for God in our environment without being shaped by it. “Don't let the world around you squeeze you into its own mold”. Romans 12:2 Phillips Translation.

                 Some Things I Believe About A Woman But Am Not Sure They Are True.

(This title is suggested by the comic “Pickles” where the wife states that what the husband believes is not true. The husband declares that he knows that, but he still believes it. Here are some examples of my such beliefs.)

1. It is best not to disagree with what a woman says. If you do, she will feel that you are saying that she is wrong. How could she be wrong since she is simply speaking facts? What she feels is true is true, otherwise what is true is not true- which is impossible. So if you disagree with her, you must be wrong. No wonder then that there is an argument if you disagree. So if you disagree in your heart or mind, better just be so in your own heart and spend a little longer in discerning the “real truth.” Perhaps at another time when you have a clearer idea of what is correct, you can discuss the matter without challenging her assertion or making any kind of reference to it. Perhaps you may be able to set the truth on firm ground- your truth. Well, it is worth a try. But if your ulterior motive shows through, you will likely loose again and find yourself arguing against the “truth”, so that you are back to square one. This is something I have learned in the past 50 years, but I am still not sure if it is always true. After all, if we would discuss it, it definitely would not be true in any situation I could bring up as an example which would be necessary in order to give ‘truth” some embodiment so that it can be discussed. So it may best just never to argue with a woman. Just love her anyway, even if she thinks differently, perhaps not right or wrong, as she thinks of her only two option.

2. Sometimes when a woman complains seriously about something needing repair- making a legitimate complaint- the man is inclined to do something about it in short order. However, he may fail to realize that the complaint was less about something needing repair than listening to the woman’s feelings and her needing to express herself. One could wonder if doing something directly about the complaint may not miss the point of listening to her and even frustrate the woman who has lost a legitimate handle for expressing her negative feelings. Perhaps he has fixed the problem but given her one more reason to complain that he does not understand her.

3. Sometimes it seems that when she comes to me with a big problem, burden, frustration, or decision, if I make any suggestion at all, she just has one more obstacle confronting her, making her problem even greater, because I don’t really understand her complaint. It may at times be better to say nothing, or simply listening, then to try to help her solve or reduce her problem with my “wisdom”. With my analytical compulsion, I have to ask myself whether her biggest problem may not stem more from her mindset or mood than having anything to do with the issue she raises. But to tell her that would also most likely only add one more to the stack of problems she already is bringing forth!

4. Should I ever become perfect in her eyes, no doubt she would feel her life mission is accomplished. However, I am sure she feels she has a long way to go even after 50 years of improving me and so I will not have to worry about losing her for a while.

5. When I left her at a grocery store this morning, I headed over to the bank to do some business. As I waited in line, I mused over many past experiences of leaving her at a store and expecting to meet her there again. It is not as simple as it sounds. She is a small woman and it seems the larger the store in the States, the smaller she seems to become and more difficult to find again. Even in the small store in Belize where I had left her once, another time I looked down all six aisles of the store twice and could not find her. Perhaps in the smaller stores she can disappear entirely without a trace. Once I asked a security guard if he had seen her and he couldn’t recall. So you can imagine it is with some trepidation that I leave her anywhere without arranging precisely where to find her again; knowing she might change her plans. If it gets any more complicated I may just place a GPS device around her ankle, or better yet around her waist on a stretchable band in case she shrinks again in some store. 

                                          SEVENTY HIGH LIGHTS OF MY LIFE

                                      (From Icons of My Life, A Celebration of 70 Years)

1. When Grandpa Bender gave me a set of blocks on my second Christmas, I enjoyed playing with them on the living room floor and did not know who gave them to me until someone came and asked me if I knew who gave them. Likely a name sake gift as I was named after him.

2. When I was sent upstairs one morning, or did I go on my own, more likely the first, I told the older boys that we had a new baby sister just that night; probably Marietta.

3. When we played in the water in our yard using wash tubs as swimming pools; splashing around as kids still do, when I was a preschooler; and at age ten, “swimming” in the stock tank behind the woodshed when Mom came home from the hospital with my youngest brother- it was a great time to be a kid.

4. When I was 5 years old and we went on a train trip east with my parents and younger sister, and traveled in 6 States: Ohio, Pennsylvania, Delaware, Maryland, (including crossing the Chesapeake Bay twice, likely, once in a ferry, and once in a passenger ship) Virginia and West Virginia, remembering enough memories for several pages, written recently. 

5. When I had Miss Miller for my First Grade teacher at Clinton Community School; I didn't always know the right English words.

6. Perhaps two “low Lights” of my elementary grades, if there are such things: getting a D in health in the second grade, and getting a low swat by Leonard Conrad, the janitor, for playing in the class room at recess when it was a very beautiful day outside.

7. Being in the first year when Clinton Christian Day School in opened 1951, in grade 7.

8. When Principal Norman called me to his office in the 7^th or 8^th grade and asked me if I was a Christian, which made me uncomfortable, but made me think seriously.

8a. In 1951 or 52, first noticing a cute 13 year old with funny sense of humor while our families socialized at Uncle Elmer’s, probably one Sunday evening. In school I would inscribe her initials, L.B. in the palm of my hand, guarding my secret love.

9. When I attended the Brunk Brother Revivals in about 1952 and made a public commitment for Christ after attending about 17 times, or was that 17 times in all that we went? Going usually with Albert Miller in his fancy Studebaker car.

10 When I was baptized by David Helmuth at 16, in the house where I was born, having to answer the questions twice because the bishop forgot to have us kneel for the vows the first time, in the Amish church.

10a. In 1954, some of our family traveled to the west coast, visiting I-W youth in Denver, Hutterites in Montana, Dad’s cousins in Oregon and Sacramento, seeing the Grand Canyon, and visiting brother Daniel in Arkansas, as well as other places of interest along the way, about 5 weeks by train, the barn back home burning while we were far west.

10b. The same year Grandpa Sam died, having spent his last 7 years at our home; an Amish bishop, a man of principle, a leader of the Sunday School movement in the Amish church; a man of peace who would move his family to Brown County to avoid strife over Sunday School issue, until it was no longer a divisive issue

11. When we attended youth project at Dan Beachy's, picking and cleaning lima beans and husking pop corn, and I would frequently just co-incidentally be working along side Loretta, (L.B.) and would often give her a ride home- what other way would she have?

12. When we got married, December 22, 1957 at Clinton Christian Day School auditorium, as we did not yet have a church building, or for what ever reason, I don’t know.

13. When we attended Berlin Bible School in Ohio, beginning about a week after we were married, and there had what ever honeymoon we had before our people went on honeymoons.

14. When we traveled to Red Lake for a two year term of service, alternate to military service, only a week or so after the 6 week Bible School in Ohio, she being so sleepy most of the way there, I could barely talk to her, my young wife.

15. The whole Red Lake experience that exposed me to another culture with innumerable interesting experiences and a specific life of service without reference to monetary pay.

16. The birth of our first child, Paul, rushing off at 2:30 am to the hospital on a cold November morning in a 1949 Ford sedan, being present there when he came into this world, as they say, only about 2 and a half hours after we arrived at the Red Lake Hospital.

17. Starting off on a full time college career in January, 1961, the month our second son Conrad was born, as we were living at the Daniel S. Bontrager home where his mother was born 22 years before.

18. Grace came only 16 months after Conrad, a happy and expressive baby, exuberant as she would be, and a welcome complement to the two boys we had.

19. Rachel, the second daughter, coming in August, 1963 giving us the ideal two of each: too quiet, not demanding as what she would need, as she would be latter on as well.

20. Graduating from Goshen College in 1965 with a B.A. degree, majoring in English, teaching at Clinton Christian Day School the last year before graduation.

21. Also in 1965, buying our first house in north Goshen for $5,000, a place all our own; it wasn’t much, but it was ours.

22. Joining Walnut Hill Mennonite Church, September 1967  was like coming home to the church we always belonged to. We felt that way until we moved on to Elkhart in 1970.

23. Julie, our last one was born October 30, 1968, completing our primary family in a wonderful way, bringing us much joy with her upbeat responsiveness.

24. Graduating from Associated Mennonite Biblical Seminaries in 1970, with an M.Div. degree, preparing for the pastoral ministry.

25. Accepting the pastorate at Roselawn Mennonite Church in June, 1970, with ordination in October of that same year.

26. Our family traveled to Canada, for Mennonite Assembly in Kitchener, Ontario in 1971.

26a. In 1971, Grandma Bender died, just 2 weeks short of a hundred years of loving everyone; never uttering a critical word that I remember; “Grandma Bender” to many, beside her posterity.

26b. Attending the Catholic Charismatic meetings at Notre Dame and the Zion Glory Barn, receiving the Baptism of the Spirit which opened a new dimension of my Spiritual life and ministry in 1971.

27. Declined continuation in ministry at Roselawn in 1973 after a 3 year term with sense of accomplishing too little, followed by nine months of visiting many churches until I returned to Roselawn on a Team Ministry, with the oversight of John Steiner.

28. 1974, the year of learning to trust God while not in ministry. Financial straits of the seventies began here while our children were in primary and high school.

29. Carpel tunnel syndrome in 1974, the most excruciating pain I ever experienced, a kind of preparation for my work beginning that year with the sick at Elkhart General Hospital, work that lasted 6 years, one of my most rewarding jobs ever; a job I thought I couldn’t afford taking until I had few options, starting while my hands were still hurting.

30. Exploring our sensitivity with an alcoholic in our home, Marge Hartman, parallel in time with carpel tunnel mentioned above and the next item.

31. One more thing in 1974, Paul’s mental breakdown, hospitalized for two months, just as I was starting to work there.

32. In the same year, we bought our first rental property, 221 Park Ave. for $4,600 in partnership with Conrad, something we had no experience in but it looked feasible on paper for even poor people with the help of a paper boy.

33. In 1975, we celebrated the 50^th wedding anniversary of our parents with a weekend retreat at Brother Laban’s place. Special to me was the reminiscing of each of our courtships, esp. our parents, and the way we were all drawn together again after some of us had left the home church in recent years, beginning Friday evening with a first ever extended family prayer meeting.

34. In 1975, Loretta began working at EGH on the evening shift, leaving me to practice cooking with Grace, age 13. We survived. Loretta working allowed us to add the split level to our house for our growing up family.

35. In 1976, the passing of our mother, which I declared to be a graduation for her, but for me it was a tragic personal loss, losing one from whom I could no longer expect comfort and love.

36. 1977, a vacation trip for our family, camping in Colorado and attending General Assembly of the Mennonite Church in Estes Park, driving up Pike’s Peak, seeing the Garden of the Gods, Royal Gorge, and a western one lane, peak to peak, Sky Line Drive.

37. 1978, when it blew and burned: the blizzard of 78, living with Brother Daniel’s for a week when our house burned days into the blizzard. We bought two rentals with the insurance money and took a year to repair the house.

38. 1980, Leaving EGH, becoming a real estate broker and making minimum wages with interest at 18%, and became solo pastor again at Roselawn. Survival was still our financial goal.

39. Retiring from Roselawn in 1983 and visiting about 16 churches until we found Trilakes, which became our beloved home church after that.

40. In the early 80s, we saw each of our 3 middle children get married and establishing their own homes, with the girls graduating from Goshen College.

41. Our first grandson was born in September 1985, Zachary Nolan to Conrad and Janet, the first of 18 grandchildren.

42. Our second grandson, Nathan Paul, born January 1986, to Rachel and Bruce.

43. In January, 1986 we were off to Belize for a “2-3 year term,” three weeks after the birth of Nathan, driving 3,000 miles in the 1978 Ford Fairlane station wagon, in 7 days, without incident. Coming through the Mexican/Belizean border with such gratitude and sense of destination, we stopped the car and I bowed and kissed the Belizean soil.

44. A grandchild per year: Joshua, Kaytalyn, and Andrea, 1987-89, with Julie and Dan getting married in 1989, Andrea born while we were there in frigid December, temps down to -20.

45. No grand children this year, with a bumper crop of 4 the following year: Tanner, Mathew, Leanne, and Charity. Loretta returned in January for those first two. What a year of great joy!!

46. We were in leadership training in Belize under Eastern Mennonite Missions 1986-1991, teaching classes in Georgetown, Hopkins Village, Dangriga, and Belize City..

47. We took a six month break in 1991, and returned to Belize in November through Kansas, with Paul who stayed in Belize with us some weeks; becoming self supporting “Co-missioners” after that under EMM, living mostly off our rentals properties.

48. We leased 10 acres along a creek 12 miles from Dangriga in the early 90’s and cleared the bush, built a bridge and a small house, pursued it for several years until floods discouraged us after we had planted several hundred orange trees, raising hundreds of plantain and a few pineapple. We still have some mango trees there.

49. We bought the 10 acre orange farm three miles out of Dangriga in 1996, and eventually planted more than 30 kinds of fruit trees there.

50. Lizzie, Elizabeth Rachel, came to Dan and Julie, in March, 1993.

51. Lauren Hope, born to Ron and Grace, July 1994, while we were there, and also, Katalyn was baptized that summer at age 5 after I questioned her about her desire for baptism at the hospital where Lauren was born.

52. We drove to Belize, in 1993, stopping at Julie’s in Biloxi, Mississippi, and also at the Ted Holmes home in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Bruce and Rachel’s family was at Julie’s the same time.

52a. 1994, Dad died in Goshen, a man of Biblical principles who stressed missions, Christian stewardship, youth purity, radical discipleship, the New Birth; he loved his family.

52b, Andrew Michael, born to Rachel and Bruce, February 11, 1995

53. Shiloh Rose, born to Dan and Julie, April, 1995, in Las Vegas.

54. Niles Christian, born to Grace and Ron, December 25, 1996

55. Loretta had colon surgery for a cancerous polyp in 1997 which turned out successfully, while we also remodeled a house on Edwardsburg Ave. that year, helping us catch up on our Belizean expenses.

56. We began taking in homeless youth, and in 1997 having 4 girls and a boy for a few months, the girls only until fall as Loretta was recuperating from surgery.

57. We celebrated our 40^th wedding anniversary by spending a week in the Yucatan Peninsula, Mexico, being in Merida for Christmas and then on the northern beach at Progresso and seeing the great Maya ruin at Chicken Itza on the way home, sleeping both going and coming at Bacular with good friends at a beautiful lake with many shades of blue.

58. Dakota Luke, to Dan and Julie, in Las Vegas, February 16, 1997, surviving a prenatal crisis, with grandparents coming out, but Grandpa having to rush back before his birth for close friend Earl’s wedding in Belize, too soon to enjoy the wonderful and safe arrival of Dakota.

59. Gabriel Jordon, to Ron and Grace, March 29, 1999 in Bourbon, Indiana.

60. Anastace Faith Marie, born to Ron and Grace, May 28, 2001, the 17^th grandchild.

61. Zachary, Nathan, and Joshua came to visit us in Belize in 2000, with great fun and excitement traveling to sights in Western Belize

62. In Belize, 2,000-2005, children and youth home, with 8-10 residing with us and often 12 -15 here for the evening until we would dismiss the extras about 8:00pm. .

63. In 2001-02, four Cacho boys, ages 2-5 were living with us, a great joy and some work, 3 going with us to the US for six months and then all 4 being adopted in the next year by two couples from our home church, again giving us tremendous gratification of seeing them placed securely into Christian homes.

64. Kaytalyn, Andrea, and Leanne came to visit us in Belize in August, 2004.

65. In August 2005, we moved downstairs in the Mission House, no longer boarding youth, our work being to give assistance to about 20 kids in school and to 5-6 families, some who have children that used to stay with us.

66. In November 2005, Dale and Mary Ann Martin came to Belize to fulfill our dream of starting a youth home.

67. Chesney Raine Sautter greeted Loretta, November 29. 2005, in Albuquerque while I held the fort in Belize for 3 weeks.

68. In Belize I learned to cook rice, mush, and make many kinds of creative jams, almost like a woman.

69. In 2006, the Vanoss family in Belize for two weeks in March, enjoying and exploring many areas from Tikal Maya ruins in Guatemala to South Water Caye, about 13 miles off the coast, with Dangriga in between, as we learned to know the family better, Lizzie celebrating her 13^th in Tikal.

70. May 8, 2007, Hallelujah! I made it to my 70^th birthday.  (Written mostly in Belize)

Post script: First great granddaughter Abigail to Joshua and Natalie in 2013, and first great grandson, Little Noah, born to Andrea and Kyle Strickland in 2014.

                                                            Me and Daniel

He was always there. When I arrived, he was standing there looking down at me as some new arrival from some where he would not have known. I doubt that he saw any competition from that little helpless bundle. If anything, that came later. He would not have had to worry about it. I could never catch up. I am not sure that I even ever tried; it was just no use. He had such a head start, and more smarts anyway. So I just had to do how I could and realize that he would always be that older brother with what ever advantage older brothers have.

I wish I could recall events from our early life together. It seems he was naturally the leader and I was the loner. He paved the way to go to school two years before I did, and no doubt set the standards I was supposed to match, or perhaps he was afraid I might. He did not have to worry. My recollection is that he was always making more A’s and B’s than I could. Not that my parents drew attention to that, but I saw it. I just accepted it because he was smarter than I.

We enjoyed playing yard games when we were young. One favorite was sippi, using a short piece of broom stick and laying it across a little gully and then kicking it with a bigger stick to land it as far as possible. Or dare base. That was a favorite game for boring Sunday evenings, out in our yard between trees just naturally growing a proper distance from each other. It was a kind of tag game where we stole bases and caught each other if we could. Or monopoly which took several hours and not as versatile as checkers or chess. I suppose I gave him enough competition not to bore him too much and certainly never too much to discourage him. Anyway, we did the normal things for those days in our rural environment.

I suppose we had our usual tussles and conflicts in our childhood. Not that I remember anything we fought over, but our parents did their best to bring about reconciliation when needed. On one such occasion we had to walk to the barn and come toward the house arm in arm. It was a lot harder for him than for me. He had to put up with his little troublesome brother while I could walk with big brother who was humiliated by the experience. I still wonder what that was all about. He was never mean, but somehow this time was perceived to be part of a problem between us. I remember I was a bit amused by this “punishment” but he saw no humor in it at all.

Of course he could attend youth meetings two years ahead of me when he reached the 16 year milestone. He and my older sister would drive places in the horse drawn and buggy while I was wistfully left behind. The harness on his horse had decorative white plastic rings and he also knew how to install battery lights on the buggy, something that he passed on to me. I learned a lot from him. He pioneered growing up for me. We never talked much about girls, however. At some point I wondered what a date was, or what you do on dates as I recall. He was not very helpful. I guess I was too inquisitive. Or was he a bit shy? Of course He left home when I was only 17 so I had to figure out a lot of things by myself. I suppose I missed him; oddly I can’t remember. We were not very emotionally bonded.

There was one thing where I was quite helpful to him. Since I had the buggy to myself at 17, as I said, I saw persons needing a ride to youth activities, especially one I liked. I felt ready to get serious and marry before he did. Actually we got married before he even had a regular girl friend. Where I helped him most was in getting him to choose someone. I told him to select a partner as best man for our wedding, one whom he would consider seriously, not just a partner for the day. Prophetically, he chose the one he would later marry. Who knows how long he might have dallied around had I not challenged him to use his head, if not is heart as well in that matter? Fortunately, he doesn’t blame to this day for putting him on the spot then!

Daniel also went to college before I did. In fact, he graduated before I even started, I believe. But by that time we had one or two children; I forget just when he got married. I was surprised when he remarked later that I must have had some intellect that I could make it in college married while he had to study as hard as a single person could to make good grades. I bet he did better than my B average in college. Well, I guess I are still recalling competition over 40 years later. I do declare that he has much more history in his head than I possibly could have. If I have any question about any relative back to the Immigrant Jacob, he likely can give me the answer from the top of his head. He is our family historian, a genius at detail and record keeping. I have to struggle to even keep my bank accounts balanced!

Daniel is still going before me, showing me about growing older. He is demonstrating to me the way to handle the insecurities of changing health patterns, and still keeping busy and happy. Perhaps I will be able to relax when my time comes to change my activity. Daniel has been with me a long time. I hope he will always be there before me and for me. What would it be like not to have a brother like him, paving the way for me and pioneering so much from childhood through youth and into maturity? Thanks Dan!

                                             Our Present Relationships with Belizeans

No doubt the most meaningful period of our life has been our years of serving in Belize. While the early time of teaching in the churches was very meaningful, the time later in which we related to some of the poorer persons in Belize was even more intense and concentrated. Children and youth with little home support beyond a bed came to our house a lot, and sometimes mothers came for a little help in food or cash to sustain their families even at a minimum. [Often for money for rice and chicken necks and backs.] Some dozens of children stayed at our house anywhere from several weeks to several years. Several have been adopted by Christian families. Of one family of 8 children, two are now married to Christian partners and 4 are growing up securely in Christian homes. A number of youth are in high school, and college, including the two Christian married women who also have children. Yet the wage scale of many is still on the poverty level if they can even have job; like $100.00 per week. But cost of living is hardly less than in the US.

We retired from Belize about 2 and a half years ago in our early 70's. It seemed the right time even though we knew moving back would be leaving a most interesting, challenging, and purposeful life. We knew we could never retire in Belize because the needs of people would always confront us. At one time we used the rubric, “Noah's Ark Children's Ministry”, to cover our work. But coming back to the US could not fully mean that Belize was left behind, either in our minds, and even less in the minds of the many who had been ministered to in their basic needs. We had lived with them and experienced the difficulties of their lives with them. Consequently we have continued in touch with about six families especially, and have sent them funds frequently for basic needs such as school costs, emergency medical needs as well as other common needs of daily life where jobs were insufficient for healthy survival. Since we have some real estate as rentals as well as our home in the US, we did not mind using some of that equity in our ministry, rather than leaving it all in a will. So then now some equity loans have built up to the limit of our sense of reasonable debt- a bit like for a reverse mortgage for the needy.

It has always been a concern of ours to help people in the most meaningful and practical way. Giving cash for survival may be a must, but long range answers are much preferred. It has been a consistent matter of prayer for us to to give wisely and not perpetuate their poverty by dependency. Sharing the gospel is imperative since sin is a great cause of poverty, e.g. drugs, sex, and despair. Education is to help qualify for jobs and better jobs. Creating jobs is one of the greatest challenges in Belize just as in the US. Currently we are still helping 6 persons in high school and several in primary school, as well as helping some children with persistent health problems, such as sickle cell anemia. The children have to eat to be well, whether or not the mothers or fathers have adequate jobs. All this becomes a burden beyond our resources. Our assistance is not to random persons but those we have known personally for years; who have motivation to help themselves to a better life. Our home church has been helpful in sorting out the best way to meet needs as well with a small regular support. But more is needed than we have, to meet even basic needs of some.

For more information how you may help if you are interested, email us for details of needs to our address at lornoah@comcast.net; or call at 574 333 2575.