My Co-Driver

For years it has troubled me that when we are in the car and I am driving as usual, she makes many comments about my driving. I am in the wrong lane from where I want to turn off, or going too slow or too fast, or catching up on the car ahead of us. When I glance over at her, it really seems that often she is sitting on the front edge of the seat and leaning forward, much as if she herself was driving. No amount telling how her “co-driving” bothers me and even may distract me from my best driving, she just can’t stop helping me to drive.

Today I discovered a new insight for all this. While she has often said that she is only helping me and helping us be safe, I thought there must be something else going on that I am missing. It seems to me now that her main language of love may be in action here- companionship- being close to me. This same expression is dominant in our morning devotions where we sit close as she reads and she usually affirms my praying with an amen. She also likes when I sit with her as she is watching TV, and welcomes me to leave my computer attention and come enjoy her entertainment. In many other ways she subtly, if at all, expresses some affirmation when I share activities with her.

Perhaps her driving advice may be an expression of just how close she is to me when I am driving. She shares her driving style- e.g., lane selection as soon as you turn a corner- as an expression of her style, more than as criticism or correction of my driving. She often expressed that she is just helping me, which I appreciate when we approach a busy intersection like Johnson and Modell Avenue- when I can admit my need of her watchful eye. So pervasive is her style of closeness to me when I drive, that may really be an expression of her heart to me. I want to test out this foundation of her comments as I drive tomorrow and see if it really seems to be wholly true. She always insists she is just being helpful. Maybe she is, and could be accepted as such if I could overcome my self-sufficiency and pride as a driver, and accept her well-meaning “co-driving” as caring closeness in the serious business of driving.