My Co-Driver
For years it
has troubled me that when we are in the car and I am driving as usual, she
makes many comments about my driving. I am in the wrong lane from where I want
to turn off, or going too slow or too fast, or catching up on the car ahead of
us. When I glance over at her, it really seems that often she is sitting on the
front edge of the seat and leaning forward, much as if she herself was driving. No
amount telling how her “co-driving” bothers me and even may distract me from my
best driving, she just can’t stop helping me to drive.
Today I
discovered a new insight for all this. While she has often said that she is
only helping me and helping us be safe, I thought there must be something else
going on that I am missing. It seems to me now that her main language of love may
be in action here- companionship- being close to me. This same expression is
dominant in our morning devotions where we sit close as she reads and she
usually affirms my praying with an amen. She also likes when I sit with her as
she is watching TV, and welcomes me to leave my computer attention and come
enjoy her entertainment. In many other ways she subtly, if at all, expresses
some affirmation when I share activities with her.
Perhaps her
driving advice may be an expression of just how close she is to me when I am
driving. She shares her driving style- e.g., lane selection as soon as you turn
a corner- as an expression of her style, more than as criticism or correction
of my driving. She often expressed that she is just helping me, which I appreciate
when we approach a busy intersection like Johnson and Modell Avenue- when I can
admit my need of her watchful eye. So pervasive is her style of closeness to me
when I drive, that may really be an expression of her heart to me. I want to
test out this foundation of her comments as I drive tomorrow and see if it really
seems to be wholly true. She always insists she is just being helpful. Maybe
she is, and could be accepted as such if I could overcome my self-sufficiency and
pride as a driver, and accept her well-meaning “co-driving” as caring closeness
in the serious business of driving.
