SAYING YES AND NO

It is essential to be able to say yes and no at the right time and in the right way if one lives in Belize and hopes to keep his sanity, Christianity, and some of his wealth. There are just many times when you are put on the spot where it is either say the word or you will be taken for a ride. There are several dimensions to this phenomenon. It may best be seen by concrete examples.

Kids will pile into your house until you say enough, or you are destined to be driven out of your own house. If you are nice enough to let them in, or naive enough not to keep your door locked at all times, they will stream in. It would only seem hospitable to welcome little people into your house. After all, some certainly are hungry, or looking for a place to hang out or sponge off your love or stuff in your house which theirs doesn’t have. So if you don’t say no at some point, you will feel run over, or eventually out of your mind. It really shouldn’t be that hard to say no. Like, “It really is not a good time to come in.” Or, “We already have enough (or too many) in the house.” Or when you are tired and need rest, “It is time to go soon now or by so and so time”. Most of the time we have kept the respect of kids and youth when we treated them with mature firmness, confidence, and respect.

With too many adults one can also say no in a proper way. After one has listened to them, giving them attention or what they need, they may take a hint or they may not for a while. One can claim busyness or work to be done, or tiredness, especially when one is over sixty. Or you can suggest what you may know is true: Did you say you have to go cook for your children? A key is to give them good attention first and then you can excuse them to leave. If you have any business in town, you can use that for an excuse, even perhaps taking them along part way. They like that usually. If there may be a whole group of women there, you can use the town excuse, or simply say, “Some of you just came not long, some have been here a while. I get tired and need some rest. Let me give you yet what ever you need so you can go and I can get some rest” There are few who would not respond in the right way with that.

When it come to persons asking for money, it is most imperative to give yes and no answers properly, as receiving what they need and know you have is a sure measure for many of the Christian charity you have- or even if whether you are a Christian. That’s not too far from Jesus parable of the sheep and the goats in Matthew 24.

It can be tricky to say yes and no in an acceptable way when people ask you for money. It’s important to be honest. You can’t say we don’t have much when you have a credit line, or to claim you have debts, when you have several houses in the States as collateral. Even if you own a car, they are sure you have money you could give them. To claim poverty is to lose credibility and respect as it is untruthful.

When you know their need, you can give money comfortably. If there is something they could be doing to earn, they need to be reminded appropriately. If they have a man, draw attention that fact that they should be asking him to support his children. Women need to know we believe men have the responsibility to care for their children. The truth can be spoken thus as I did recently; “We are spending and giving more than we are receiving in the states, so we feel we need to cut back as much as we can. If we go like we did the last months, we won’t be able to help anyone in several years.” I said this morning as I often do, “You are young, I am older; you should be able to at least support yourself.” On the street I have said to younger men, “Why should older men like me support strong young men like you?” It is good with single mothers to listen carefully, then tell them which of their needs you feel you can, or should meet. I have refuse paying for gas saying they needed to look elsewhere for that bigger expense. When no little children are involved, you can push mothers to get jobs, any job. All person should gradually learn that receiving help from us is temporary, and they should be on their own normally and as soon as possible.

There is a wrong way to say yes to people requesting money. Giving out of duty, or too lazy to explain why not, or why less should be better, are some wrong ways to just give. Or to give after scolding them, or with stingy heart, or in a way that makes them feel guilty or degraded. Or to give when you believe it is fostering dependence, or a non necessary habit out of convenience, just so you don’t have to not confront them with reality. That does not breed respect for you or in themselves. Saying yes may be the easy, cowardly way of responding to needs.

But you can also say no in the wrong way: In disregard to their real needs; out of selfishness, or with sassing them off for asking. are never good ways to say no. Being angry with them for asking- what if they really need it and you are cold hearted to them?

It is important for Christian with means living with poor neighbors to be sensitive in their needs in love, saying both yes and no appropriately. It needs to be done with the same love and consideration for the beggars’ real needs and self respect. We don’t decide to give on whether we feel generous, but on the basis of what we believe is good for them.

Saying yes and no in the Spirit of Christ is a part of our ministry of serving people. We dare not hesitate long in speaking right out, or at least telling persons we are really trying to find out what we should do. There are limits to our sanity and wallets, but we rarely find out what they really are. We need to test the Spirit to know when enough is enough. Then boldly we must say yes or no in the Spirit of Christ. Usually people will accept yes or no when they know and sense your real love for them.