SAYING YES AND NO

It is essential to be able to say yes and no at the right time and in the right way if one lives in Belize and hopes to keep his sanity, Christianity, and some of his wealth. There are just many times when you are put on the spot where it is either say the word or you will be taken for a ride. There are several dimensions to this phenomenon. It may best be seen by concrete examples.

Kids will pile into your house until you say enough, or you are destined to be driven out of your own house. If you are nice enough to let them in, or naive enough not to keep your door locked at all times, they will stream in. It would only seem hospitable to welcome little people into your house. After all, some certainly are hungry, or looking for a place to hang out or sponge off your love or stuff in your house which theirs doesn’t have. So if you don’t say no at some point, you will feel run over, or eventually out of your mind. It really shouldn’t be that hard to say no. Like, “It really is not a good time to come in.” Or, “We already have enough (or too many) in the house.” Or when you are tired and need rest, “It is time to go soon now or by so and so time”. Most of the time we have kept the respect of kids and youth when we treated them with mature firmness, confidence, and respect.

With too many adults one can also say no in a proper way. After one has listened to them, giving them attention or what they need, they may take a hint or they may not for a while. One can claim busyness or work to be done, or tiredness, especially when one is over sixty. Or you can suggest what you may know is true: Did you say you have to go cook for your children? A key is to give them good attention first and then you can excuse them to leave. If you have any business in town, you can use that for an excuse, even perhaps taking them along part way. They like that usually. If there may be a whole group of women there, you can use the town excuse, or simply say, “Some of you just came not long, some have been here a while. I get tired and need some rest. Let me give you yet what ever you need so you can go and I can get some rest” There are few who would not respond in the right way with that.

When it come to persons asking for money, it is most imperative to give yes and no answers properly, as receiving what they need and know you have is a sure measure for many of the Christian charity you have- or even if whether you are a Christian. That’s not too far from Jesus parable of the sheep and the goats in Matthew 24.

It can be tricky to say yes and no in an acceptable way when people ask you for money. It’s important to be honest. You can’t say we don’t have much when you have a credit line, or to claim you have debts, when you have several houses in the States as collateral. Even if you own a car, they are sure you have money you could give them. To claim poverty is to lose credibility and respect as it is untruthful.

When you know their need, you can give money comfortably. If there is something they could be doing to earn, they need to be reminded appropriately. If they have a man, draw attention that fact that they should be asking him to support his children. Women need to know we believe men have the responsibility to care for their children. The truth can be spoken thus as I did recently; “We are spending and giving more than we are receiving in the states, so we feel we need to cut back as much as we can. If we go like we did the last months, we won’t be able to help anyone in several years.” I said this morning as I often do, “You are young, I am older; you should be able to at least support yourself.” On the street I have said to younger men, “Why should older men like me support strong young men like you?” It is good with single mothers to listen carefully, then tell them which of their needs you feel you can, or should meet. I have refuse paying for gas saying they needed to look elsewhere for that bigger expense. When no little children are involved, you can push mothers to get jobs, any job. All person should gradually learn that receiving help from us is temporary, and they should be on their own normally and as soon as possible.

There is a wrong way to say yes to people requesting money. Giving out of duty, or too lazy to explain why not, or why less should be better, are some wrong ways to just give. Or to give after scolding them, or with stingy heart, or in a way that makes them feel guilty or degraded. Or to give when you believe it is fostering dependence, or a non necessary habit out of convenience, just so you don’t have to not confront them with reality. That does not breed respect for you or in themselves. Saying yes may be the easy, cowardly way of responding to needs.

But you can also say no in the wrong way: In disregard to their real needs; out of selfishness, or with sassing them off for asking. are never good ways to say no. Being angry with them for asking- what if they really need it and you are cold hearted to them?

It is important for Christian with means living with poor neighbors to be sensitive in their needs in love, saying both yes and no appropriately. It needs to be done with the same love and consideration for the beggars’ real needs and self respect. We don’t decide to give on whether we feel generous, but on the basis of what we believe is good for them.

Saying yes and no in the Spirit of Christ is a part of our ministry of serving people. We dare not hesitate long in speaking right out, or at least telling persons we are really trying to find out what we should do. There are limits to our sanity and wallets, but we rarely find out what they really are. We need to test the Spirit to know when enough is enough. Then boldly we must say yes or no in the Spirit of Christ. Usually people will accept yes or no when they know and sense your real love for them.

                                                  THREE VIEWS OF CULTURE

For the many years I had the opportunity of observing and seeking to understand the Garifuna culture in Belize from the vantage point of my own European Amish American culture. I have seen many similarities and differences. Today I can list many strong and weak points of each culture, that is, how well the respective cultures meet the needs, goals, and aspirations of the people represented? However, here I would only like to compare and contrast the ways people view their own cultures. Then I want to suggest a third way we can view culture. This is not a technical study, but a rather casual study of what I have seen and experienced from a layman’s viewpoint and where I have come to as a Christian.

To begin with, I want to note that Garifuna and Amish have much in common as to their history and environment today. Both have been transported from one continent to another. Both are in population of under a million, and minorities where they live. Both are not quite considered main stream, but separate and distinct from the larger cultures around them. One migrated because of outward forces, the other by inner compulsion to find a place where they can live more peacefully. So both have been exposed to another culture from the original and have always been in tension with the surrounding culture. Both have maintained much of the cultures they came from several hundred years ago, and been selective of what they accepted from their cultures in which they now find themselves.

Cultures are always changing. Is that acceptable to us?  Are parts of culture negotiable?  Can we leave it or any part of it, or do we want to maintain it as a whole? The Garifuna in general idealize maintaining their culture as it stand- language food, dress, rituals, holidays, marriage within the group, ways of making a living, living in villages or units in towns or cities. The voices for the Garifuna culture are strong to defend, celebrate, and maintain the culture. The culture is esteemed for themselves to maintain a distinct identity. Garifuna culture is not negotiable, although there is a lot of unwitting absorption of surrounding cultures which constantly challenges the strictness of the original culture- whatever that is considered to be.

Much of the above analysis of Garifuna culture could also be said of Amish culture. The German language is almost sacred. European dress has been baptized by scriptures and made sacred. The Amish live in groups, and stand in tension with the surrounding cultures. Marriage may only be within the group. They maintain rituals, holidays in the traditional European way to large extent. They esteem the culture for themselves but withhold judgment largely from Christians who differ. There is some slow absorption of surrounding culture, but change is strictly regulated, more than Garifunas can do, because the Amish also have strong religious sanctions and boundaries, rules and regulations for membership.

Let me now take one step from my historical culture and take a stance that I have accepted for myself as a citizen of the kingdom of God which transcends my Amish background and culture. When I became a Mennonite, I progressed in a view of culture different from the Amish. In fact, I never fully accepted the Amish view of faith and culture even when I joined that group as a teen  In Kingdom of God culture which I idealize now, many aspects of culture are negotiable, Language, dress, except for modesty; and ethnic marriages are not idealized as in the two mentioned groups above. I can and do adopt various aspects of Belizean, Creole, Garifuna or American culture, with only the principles of the Christian faith to guide or limit me. All else is negotiable. I place no premium on my European heritage, never celebrate it, or parade it even among my own family. I only celebrate the values of the Kingdom of God, and raise them up before others as most ideal, not only for me but for all others as well. We did not try to keep our family language German, nor lament when our children married outside of our specific Amish and European culture. I only rejoiced that they married Kingdom citizens. Had they married Africans, I would be just as happy as I am today. Only Kingdom culture matters.

Social culture is just accidental and incidental, and a matter of choice. It is a product of the flow of our family history. My children live in 3 states and we [lived] in a different country from any of them. So what? Kingdom citizenship transcends place of living, social culture, and ethnic backgrounds. Language is irrelevant as a value in our extended family as well. We probably speak 10 languages, including Chinese, Russian, Portuguese, and who knows what else? Most of the next generation after mine does not speak German. In Kingdom Culture nothing is lost by this diversity of social culture. A profound unity prevails when our extended family gathers periodically and worship and renew our lives with each other because we share Kingdom cultural values. We generally hold that social culture is negotiable, although we do still have strong remnants of Amishism in parts of our extended family. But our highest values are Kingdom culture, and that is the basis of a profound identity and unity.

With the above dominance of Kingdom culture in my values and experience, I have to be humble and respectful when the Garifuna celebrate their culture- their total culture in their holidays and rituals. This is not totally easy when I feel liberated from any specific human culture that I have been a part of. I suppose this is an essay of celebration of Kingdom culture. Perhaps I am proud of it. May I be humbly so. And like the Amish and the Garifuna, I also feel surrounded by other cultures, ever feeling the tension of those cultures which try to invade the only culture to which I am committed- the Kingdom of God. This Culture is where I find my true identity.

Some Aspects of Kingdom Culture That May Differ From Other Cultures:

         Local language with some additional vocabulary;

         Values of honesty, generosity, sensible self-esteem, self-control, responsibility;

         Active love to those of Kingdom culture and those opposed to it, friends and enemies both;  Loyalty to King Jesus, imitating Him in daily life;

         A Service mentality, missional, other centered, community centered;

         Holiday first day of every week, a celebration of our King, for community building;

         Dress not selected by design, style or color, but by practicality, and decency;

          Marriage within those of Kingdom culture, to avoid definite conflict.

                                                                                                 Written in Belize,

                                   Seventy Blessings of God in My Life Updated

71. A sense of call to serve in Belize until it gradually came to us that it would be totally fine between us and God to move back to the States.

72. A comfortable adjustment to life back in the States when we moved back.

73. A strong affirmation of Tri Lakes Church as we merged back into the church permanently, with a celebration day of our 25 years in Belize.

74. Good health throughout the years of the 70s.

75. Regular fellowship with my siblings practically every month, eating in each other's homes and sharing our life experiences.

75. Three of our children living within a few miles and connections with them at our interest and need.

77. Yearly trips out of States with our two children living “abroad” and always welcoming us to stay a few days or even longer.

78. Seeing several of our grandchildren graduating from a Bible college and several serving abroad in missions.

79. Grandchildren getting married, 8 couples in my seventies, married to Christian partners and becoming established in vocations or jobs.

79. The beginning of a new generation- great grandchildren- 6 by my 80^th birthday and another on the way.

                                      Seventy  Burdens of My Life Updated

71. Leaving the beautiful tropic of climate, friendly people, and calm culture, so comfortable and familiar.

72.  Settling into a culture of unfamiliar people, uncomfortable weather most of the year, and a loss of meaningful goals in life.in the States

73. Retirement- the ambiguity of identity without vocation.

74. Repeatedly praised in church  services in ways we felt so unworthy.

75. Difficulty of working physically without soon getting tired and unmotivated.

76. Differing so much with less energy than my wife.

77.  Finding my identity as an old man between my feelings and the perception of others about my age
                 
78. Frustrations of wanting to downsize my life while Loretta is moving forward full speed.
          
79. Finding balance of preoccupation with end of life issues and living fully now.

80.  Seeking balance in my life for the strength I still have, using the talents I have.







                                         Seventy Highlights of My Life Updated

71. On vacation from Belize in 2009, we planted 10 dwarf fruit trees where we expected our retirement home to be.

72. We lived for months in a house in Belize that was unfinished, had no interior doors or cupboards and the upstairs had an accessible door that kids would break through when we were not attentive.

73. We moved from Belize in 2011, shipping a van from Florida with stuff for Belizeans and brought it back with our final personal possessions from living in Belize for 25 years.

74. The same year we move back from Belize, our first two grandchildren to get married, Joshua to Natalie and Andrea to Kyle.

75. In 2012, we went to Ohio for Shiloh's harp performance and to Albuquerque for Charity’s wedding to Darnell.  Nate also was married that year to Alicia in Malaysia, too far for us to travel.
     
76. Three grandchildren were married in 2013, Katalyn to Andrew, Zachary to Marlise, and Leann to Luis. Also the first great grandchild, Abigail to Josh and Natalie.

77. In 2014, the eighth grandchild to get married, Tanner to Kelsey in Michigan; also our first great grandson, Noah to Andrea and Kyle.

78. The twins were born in 2015, Emmitt and Eliza Ann to Josh and Natalie, and the day following Lydia Grace to Tanner and Kelsey.

79. Micah came into this world in 2016, the 6^th great grandchild also to Andrea and Kyle, and a seventh expected in 2017, unnamed, to Kaytalyn and Andrew.

 80. Celebrated my official entry into the old age of 80 with a party at Rachel and Bruce's house.







                                         Seventy Things I Forgot Updated

71. Where I placed my check book when I came home from the store- that was weeks ago.

72. The names of people I knew very well in the past, until I accidentally happen to recall them.

73.How to get on certain games on the computer that I used to play.

74. The name of a stove part as we were conversing among siblings- something I would know very well, to my embarrassment.

75. To turn the motor off when I was went into a grocery store and discovered it only when I was looking for the keys when I came out of the store.

76. Combing my hair right before leaving the house for church services, I wondered why the comb stuck in my hair. When I saw the foam on the comb I realized that I had forgotten to rinse the shampoo out of my hair when I showered.

77. I was looking for an item of food at Aldi's. When a clerk asked if she could help me find what I wanted I was stumped for the name of what I was looking for and had top forgo her help.

78. Fortunately I am not the only one to lose my keys. When I could not find them one time, I asked Loretta and she went out to the burn pile and found them in the ashes, where she had dropped them when she carried twigs back from the front yard as we had come home.

79. At Julie’s overnight I wondered why my glasses were not on the night stand in the morning but a pair I did not recognize was there instead. Actually, I had just forgotten how they looked, having bought them not too many weeks of months before.

80. If I forgot anything else in my life so far that is noteworthy, I forgot what it was.