FEELINGS ABOUT FOUR SONS

                                                                            (In Belize 2001)

For some time I have wanted to record some feelings I have toward the younger sons in our Belizean family. Yet I am not sure who I would want to address this to as the feelings are very personal, perhaps even embarrassingly so. Probably others around me also like these kids. They recognize the alertness, friendliness, and vigor of their personalities. Perhaps some even notice that they are fairly manageable, particularly for their stage of life. Especially the four brothers are so teaming with energy that if you are not too old or tired, you have to enjoy seeing them in their better moments, which is most of the time. Ah, there could be a catch there. Because they also have their impossible times where a little offense can set one off crying, and there is little one can do to shorten the hurt feelings that have occurred. How can anyone enjoy them, or even tolerate them then without irritation when the crying goes on and on? Usually I can anyway.

I suppose the first time I picked up the second oldest when he was about 3 years old and he leaned so snugly onto my chest, I realized something special for him in my heart, a kind of instant bonding. Then this year it was the oldest, who is so loyal, intimate, and at times jolly, that he seems like the son I never had, who should have followed in our birth family after our youngest daughter who I often think of when I am with him. Finally, there is the youngest, only a year and a half old, who loves to be picked up, and sometimes just can’t stop burying his face affectionately into my neck. He has responded so well to my care for him. When I lift him up from the little overwhelming things in his experiences he is soon comforted and can forget his crises. He knows I care and that he can come to me anytime, and he does. The three year old is also special, even as he experiences highs and lows frequently. He loves jumping from the high places, and sometimes from my knees, as far as he can. He may wonder when no means no. He sings and sings the same line vigorously over and over again, and learns parts of new songs quickly. The three youngest already sing a trio, and last night the 3 year old was beating drums with his younger brother clapping through all songs from the March for Jesus CD.

What am I trying to say about these children? They are in my heart day and night. It is so easy to pray for them as they lie down at night in pairs. They may repeat the prayer line by line, especially the next oldest. “Pray for us,” his older brother said when I asked them once of what comes next as they lay down. When I said God is Good, the youngest, who doesn’t yet talk, made sounds recognizable of imitating those words. In only the few months we have had these kids, they have developed so much love and feeling and self esteem. When their mother comes here, they may hug her, but when she takes them home for a spell, they soon want to return here. They give me so much that it is so easy to love them continually. I pray for them every day. May God wrap his love around them even so as I do. I can bear with them their inexpressible disappointments, where it could be so frustrating not to know the problem they are facing. Not that I am not slightly tempted at times to loose patience. But their tenderness helps me to be calm until their crises has passed. I wish I could have them until they grow up. But they are still free from being needed for my fulfillment. I just want them to have the full life that my other children have, or more. That goal carries me on, what ever their future will be. I just want to love them until they are safely in another home where parents are younger, and committed as we are to carry them on into faith and maturity. I love them with the love that God has placed in my heart, so that they may be his children forever, and though mine for a while.

     The Kingdom of God

              Is A Party,

     With many Children

       And a Lot of Food.

             THE PROVERBS OF NOAH

                                                     Solomon spoke three thousand proverbs (I Kings 4:32)

                                                     But Noah had only sixty-three- well sixty four.

                                         Mostly from matters learned in Belize

1. It is better to be old and be considered irrelevant

Than to speak up and confirm all prejudice.

2. When buying tools when you are young, buy Makita;

When buying in middle age, buy Craftsman;

When buying after 60 or when living in a third world country, buy Harbor Freight.

After twenty years in Belize, buy only what you must to survive.

3. As long as you beg for food, you will be poor;

But when you work, you will have plenty

4. It is not right that old men should work hard

To support young men who will not work.

5. It is better to feed a hungry child

Then support a lazy mother.

6. He who waits for bread from abroad

Will often find himself hungering.

7. To forget when you are middle-aged is normality;

But to forget when you are older is abnormality.

8. It is better to be understanding than to understand.

And to be misunderstood than to be misbelieved.

9. True friendships lasts forever,

But friendship based on gifts is but for a season.

10. The Kingdom of God is a party

With many children and a lot of food

11. To perceive the motives of another is clever,

To know what to do with that knowledge is wisdom.

12. “Wait” is what broke the wagon down

From Teacher Norman Kaufman

13. You always have two choices From N.K.

14. Love is lonely when alone; and so God made Man.

Man was also lonely, and so God made woman.

Woman was lonely and so they had children.

15. Be gentle and patient with children and youth

For it takes eighteen years to make a man.

16. A wife in your bed

Is worth two in your head.

17. God who provides shelter from the rain

Provides shelter for a future rainy day.

18. Life is not a free lunch;

So the lazy go hungry.

19. Life is not a free lunch;

Only the lazy think so.

20. He who depends on others for food

Often finds his belly begging bread.

21. He who thinks he knows it all is disdained;

If he does not know everything he is humiliated.

22. It takes much noise to fill an empty head;

But a thoughtful person loves quietness.

23. To be politically correct is expedient;

But to be correct may not be politically expedient.

24. He who does not learn patience in his youth

Will have ample occasion to learn it later.

25. All men forget, get tired, weary, and lose things;

But if you are aged, that is blamed for everything.

26. If a young man forgets, he is scatter-brained;

If a middle-aged man forgets, he is normal;

But if an older person forgets, it because of his age.

27. He who steals from him that feeds him,

Becomes an enemy to him who cares.

28. If you live like a rich man you will be poor;

But if you live like a poor man you will be rich.

29. A poor man who demands more and more,

Will likely love the giver less and less

30. Those who have always been poor

Will never know the limits of the “rich”.

31. The child who is not loved by somebody

Has little reason to obey anybody.

32. He who is trusted most among your friends

Will cause grave hurt when he betrays you.

33. He who is loved too little when he is younger,

May still learn to love greatly when he is older;

And be adoringly appreciated by many.

34. There is enough on earth for all men’s need,

But never enough for all men’s greed.

                                   From Pastor Mike Evans

35. He who is frequently driven to seek shelter in a dog house

Becomes wary of the master who drives him there.

36. A wise man uses his lips to seal his mouth;

But a fool rolls back his lips to show his anger.

37. He who ignores his elders when he is young,

Can expect to be ignored when he is old.

38. He who is willfully deaf when he is young,

May unwillingly be deaf when he is old.

39. It is better too have many children than to have none

40. The perfectionist is never satisfied,

But the humble is at peace with life.

41. The humble make a feast of anything,

But the perfectionist is rarely full.

42. The missionary who is rejected goes home sadly;

But the one who is ignored labors under a burden.

43. He who lives above his means will always feel poor;

But he who lives below will always have plenty to share.

44. He who can sing will sing;

He who can’t, chants or raps.

45. As diamond are used to grind diamonds,

So strength of character is built by hardships of life.

                                                           CHAPTER 2

1. When you age, you become more confident as you become less competent;

Until you really aged and you are very incompetent and still confident.

2. The middle aged ignore the counsel of their elders

      So they can make the same mistakes their elders did

Because they also did not listen to their elders.

3. The way to a man’s heart may be through his stomach,

But the way to a woman’s heart is a maze-ing.

[It is much easier to please a man than a woman.]

4. Self praise stinks! (Mother Eliza)

5. He who feels hurts when he gives to his neighbor

Is either to stingy or too generous.

6. The wife who asks advice and then scorns it

Plays a trick on her husband that insults him.

7. Of the Christian life my father said, “Consistency, Thou art a Jewel.”

Of daily helping the poor, the son says, “Consistency, Thou art Cruel.”

8. Criticism is like polishing a rough personality

But if it never stops it becomes salt on a wound.

9. The perfectionist and the pessimist are never happy,

But the man of faith moves forward with contentment and joy.

10. Incessant criticism calluses the soul

Until it has little feeling for the critic.

11. A porcupine and a fuzzy rabbit make an odd couple.

12. Advice is;

What you ask when already know the answer;

What you ask when you know what you should do and don’t want to;

What you ask even though you have decided already;

What you ask even though you don’t want an answer now;

When you ask and you know you will not follow the answer.

So why do people ask for advice? Please advise me!

13. A woman sees a store as a museum where you can buy something if you wish;

A man sees a store as a place to buy something and look around if he wishes.

14. An American always saves a little money for emergencies;

But a Belizean spends the last cent so it is useful.

15. A jailbird that flies from coup to coup

Has little apprehension of his next arrest.

16. When you are young, you worry what people think;

When you are middle-aged, you don’t care what they think;

When you are old, you know that no one was thinking at all.

                                                                         ( source unknown)

17. The critic and the perfectionist are never satisfied;

And the pessimist is mother to both.

18. Those who have least will least appreciate what they have;

But those who have most value most what they have.

19. When you are young, all you can think about is sex;

But when you are old, all you can do is think about sex.

                                                   (not original)

             GIVING TO THE POOR, BIBLICAL AND CULTURAL RESERVATIONS

When we first came to Belize, a seasoned missionary tried to discourage me from giving money to people unless they do some little job. Knowing well the words of Jesus to “Give to him who asks you, and from the one who would borrow from you, do not turn away”, I took his word with a grain of salt. Perhaps having a person do a little something seems good, but over the years, it has often been more of a nuisance to make work for someone, or letting them do something and then we have to pay them, like the man who often wants to wipe my windows while I shop, and then lays guilt on me to give him something. I have felt over the years that there must be American cultural values that try to restrain us from helping the poor as much as Biblical and cross cultural liabilities in sharing with the poor. To sort these out and separate them is a task that needs to be faced for anyone with means to help the poor in the cross cultural settings.

There are many reasons we have heard not to give handouts to the poor and needy:

It just makes them dependent and loose motivation to work.

“It is better to teach a man to fish than give him a fish.”

We really don’t have it to give.

They will misuse it.

They really don’t need it; just want us to make it easier for them.

They can make it without us when we are not here.

They will use it for something else than what they are asking for.

It is the church’s job, not our tax dollars that should help.

Someone else, their families should help.

Why are you helping them?

They will just come around here more and be a problem.

All these reasons not to give have one thing in common: it relieves us of responsibility and a guilty conscience in not helping them. That is not to say that there is not a half truth in most rationalizing about helping the poor. But where there is a half truth, there is also an excuse, or half lie- that is, the reason given is not the whole reason a person does not want to give.

There are various Biblical restraints or cautions in giving. Paul said in one church setting that those who would not work should not be given food by others. In the Belizean settings, those not willing to work should not be relieved of the need to work. I personally have said no to many young men on the streets of our town who begged for a dollar or less. Some will probably think I am mean or stingy unless I give a good one line real reason. But what of single mothers? Do they have to work before we have to help them just because they have children of irresponsible fathers who let their children go malnourished? Should we take the fathers to court if they do not respond to our challenge? And what of the children meanwhile?

Jesus said we should not cast our pearls before swine. It is easy to take the pearls as symbolic of our wealth, and the swine as poetic of the lazy, ungrateful, drug using poor, who however may have helpless children. It makes sense that regardless how much we have, we should not throw it around carelessly. This scripture no doubt is more of a warning about wasting our resources, perhaps even the Gospel to persons who will twist everything you say and use it against you.

Perhaps it would be applicable to giving money to a poor drug user, knowing what your money will be used for. This is a daily risk for us with one person, but it would be a poor excuse for closing our purse and heart to all persons of unknown repute, who, even as this one person we help, actually does have real, legitimate needs without a legitimate income most of the time.

The pat answer is to give in kind rather than cash. Sometimes that is much more inconvenient then practical and a choice has to be made, especially when children are involved.

There certainly is validity in the goal and serious commitment to help people earn a sufficient living by promoting various legitimate means such as job training, industry, or giving them real jobs where it is possible. I have felt many times that we should only give cash until we find a better way to help them. And we have done that. Welfare should be a temporary, emergency way of helping. Yet Jesus was realistic that “The poor you will always have with you.” This is because some have deficiency in supporting themselves through some handicap. The handicap may even be an undeveloped economy as far as jobs are concerned where it is much harder to make a living than when I was young in the USA.

Paul also warns people about being dependent on others, but he encourages people to work with their hands, (he assumes there is work to find.) so as to have more than you need so that you can help others, (which is assumed will always be around you.) Paul assumes that people have options of working productively if they so desire. This is far truer in some societies than others. The two billion poor people in the world are not just lazy. Their options for the most part are severally limited. The challenge in Belize is to help people have hope against many odds, to work as they can, and not to shrink and contend themselves with dependencies. I have met many people who would gladly work, who begged me for a job, and they keep trying, but rarely get a dependable 40 hour per week job. Chronic unemployment is a burden, and even for the semi-skilled, under-employment and part-time jobs, serious gaps in income are common.

Jesus had serious words about helping “the least of these my brothers” as a criteria in separating the sheep and the goats. John also declares that the one who can see his brother in need and closes his heart to him, providing he has the means, it is doubtful that the man has much comprehension of God’s love in his heart. It is thus impossible to be faithful to the Word and pass off one's responsibility by repeating half truths such as mentioned above. If these excuses are half truths, then we must take seriously the truths that are unspoken, and do the positive thing, rather than using the false part of the half truth to do nothing, which is the definitely wrong.

For the Christian, it is no option to do nothing. It is essential to do the best thing possible in the cultural and economic situation. It should always be remembered that many problems of poverty [in Belize for sure] are also related to sin and ignorance, so that the effective Christian must always be ready to have the Word and words of counsel, training, and challenge ready as he helps the poor though their poverty into the better Way of God.

                                                                                                                Thanksgiving Day

                                                                                                                November 24, 2005

It is interesting that there have been a number of page views from Russia and Germany along with other countries.  I would be very interested to learn how you from abroad came across my blogs. I welcome your and all comments to lornoah@comcast.net

            Blogs Items by Dates Posted

Comments welcome at lornoah@comcast.net

March 5 We Met Angels in Mexico

God Our Loving Creator

The Cost and Rewards of Discipleship in Missions in Belize

March 6 What Am I Doing?

What Is Heaven Like In My Mind?

Shopping- Creativity Out Of Boredom

New Love and Old Love

Love Your Neighbor as Yourself

Let God Be King of Kings

March 8 When You Really Love a Person

March 10 From a Family Letter, March 2013

Why Write and have a Blog?

March 15 Look for a new Blog the first of Each Month

April 1, 2013

At Our House

Some Epic Similes

Stories of my early Childhood

The Kingdom is close,

Little Tyreck

Too Much Help

People are like Animals

May 1, 2013

To Like and to Love

“Life in These United States”

Some Epic Similes after Belize

The Sacredness of Nature

A Trip East When I was Young

70 Blessings of God in My Life

Toward a Philosophy of Dispersing this World's Goods

Three Views of Culture

                                                         To Like and To Love

                           (For anyone contemplating marriage, or weighing their relationships)

When do you like a person and when do you love someone? If you like being around a person, is it because you love them[him or her], or like the person for the pleasant feeling it gives you to be there? Obviously you don't really like being with someone if it is unpleasant to be there even if you would make some sacrifice for the person out of love.

To like a person is to feel good about their presence because the person makes you feel good. But love is a commitment not limited to the good feeling you get from being in harmony with that person.

It may be that before marriage, you may like a person very much, but would not be willing to make a sacrifice if things got really rough in your relationship, or if you were very disappointed in that person. After marriage, in the commitment of faithfulness and permanent love, you are committed to care regardless how you feel, whether or not you like  how the person is relating to you at the moment or generally. Thus it may be that liking the person dominates the relationship before marriage and love is the commitment in marriage.

So, when you cuddle up to your partner, is it liking or loving? If it is only for your feelings, it is liking. If it is also because it makes her feel good, it is also loving. It is both when it is what you both want to give to each other and what you want to receive and it makes to feel good. It is the same for sex. It can be mutually positive, or for the benefit of one more than the other. If closeness is only for the liking of one of the person, it becomes a matter of self interest, and becomes a turn-off for the uninterested person. Unless it is done for the sake of the other person, unselfishly. I suppose all relationships should keep a balance of loving and liking: or loving above liking. Certainly to love a person and don’t like him in part becomes a stale and difficult relationship. Happily, one both likes and loves the person married to. 

                                                      “Life in these United States”

Today as I was reflecting on my feelings while pushing a cart in a grocery store- is that what we mostly do these days?- I thought of the expression, "Been there, done that". But I felt, "Been everywhere, done everything." Two years ago I asked, "Is there life after Belize?" Now as we are planning to go back to Belize in perhaps 6 weeks, I am asking, "What kind of life is there?" Some say a missionary can never go back home. At this time I am not sure if home is where I had hoped to move back to or Belize. Back to which place? I guess I still want to move back here permanently next summer. But today she dreamed again of building a small guest house and visiting back in Belize regularly. Maybe life is getting a bit dull for her also after six month here. Nov. 17, 2010

                                                               

                                                        How Does She do it?

When I left her at a grocery store this morning, I headed over to the bank to do some business. As I waited in line, I mused over many past experiences of leaving her at a store and expecting to meet her there again. It is not as simple as it sounds. She is a small woman and it seems the larger the store in the States the smaller she seems to become and more difficult to find her again. Even in the small store of Dangriga where I just left her, another time I looked down all six aisles of the store twice and could not find her. Perhaps in the smaller stores she can disappear entirely without a trace. Once I asked a security guard if he had seen her and he couldn’t recall. So you can imagine it is with some trepidation that I leave her anywhere without arranging precisely where to find her again; knowing that even then, she might change her plans and be lost to me. If it gets any more complicated I may just place a GPS device around her ankle, or better yet around her waist on a stretchable band in case she shrinks again in some store.                                      Dec. 31, 2008

Certainly our life here has many boring and silly moments. Such vacuums may inspire some hilarious creativity. Or at least so it seems to me. Some such spark struck me yesterday, but I was afraid to share it with her except with her permission. Even then when she was interested, I insisted that she come into my embrace for me to share the latest flash. “Dear,” I said, “Beneath all those wrinkles in your face and neck, is a very beautiful woman.” Fortunately she let me off without retribution. It is a corollary of a comment I have made occasionally, a take-off from a Sesame Street song, “I love the skin you are in”. Actually, I have appreciated her in recent months more than most periods of our life together. She is so energetic, persistent in working, so good humored and compatible most of the time and permitting me to express myself in my idiosyncrasies and laziness... or craziness! She is just great for her size!

When our Son Paul was staying at our place for a while, his mother apparently gave him more advice than he appreciated so he objected. Then she told him that he should respect his elders. He retorted,

“I am 55 years old”. He was off a year, but his message was clear; he is not our boy anymore. How could we forget for a moment?

When two persons’ thoughts or practices are not the same, are they different? Hardly so. Only one is different. Like how do you eat corn on the cob, length-wise following the rows, or randomly or going around the cob like animals? I asked my siblings once and they looked at me askance as if that was a stupid question. See, my wife eats it differently. Or when I wash the dishes she piles dishes in the sink until I can barely find the water to wash them. She does it differently, piling them in to soak until only her tiny fingers can find the water among the piled dishes. So in both these examples, we are not different, only she is.

Aware that I have clothes that were made in some foreign countries, I took inventory: 22 shirts from 14 countries: Bangladesh, China, Costa Rico, Egypt, El Salvador, Haiti, Korea, Mexico, Mongolia, Pakistan, Philippians, Singapore, Ukraine, USA. Only one from the USA! Certainly we support the economies of many countries! Are we internationalists?

We now have the prospects in our familial genetic pool to have in the future, DNA from 5 continents: Asia, Africa, North America, South America, and Europe. We are still looking for an Australian. We are less optimistic in finding Antartician, out of concern of frigidity.

                                      Some Epic Similes Back From Belize

Like a kite flying high and sometimes blown even higher only to then twist and swoop down closer to the ground to be drawn up and down repeatedly, so my early retirement days and weeks are marked with exhilarating feelings of joy in the security and freedom we experience so care-freely only to be drawn down again and again by the emptiness of any challenge to achieve anything of lasting worth for us and before God.                                                                         

                                                                                                        April 16, 2011

Like a farmer taking all of his produce to the market to sell- the good, the small, and the ugly- and being paid the full price for all his fruit, so the celebration at the church of our 20-plus years of service in Belize seemed the full pay for all of our service and more, both the dedicated as well as the halfhearted and weak.

Like children traveling eagerly to the zoo for the first time with growing anticipation the closer they get to the place of enchantment and excitement, so it is in my elderly years as I am nearing the transition to the next life with all its wonderful and exuberant possibilities of endless enchantment.                                                                                                            Sept. 8, 2012

Like a child excitedly roving all over in a day at a zoo, oblivious of the flight of time while the parent just wishes the “day” would end sooner but had no other course but to tag along the whole while, so I felt when we were at Walmart and she wanted to stay much longer than I did and there was little I could do to shorten our time there, but to just bide my time until she was ready to go.

Like a hungry small boy being called by his mother to wash up and come for supper, faltering over how to make his skin clean enough for his mother although he had washed himself many times and even taught others his age how to become clean, still doubting and wondering about himself whether he was really clean enough to please his mother who was preparing a special meal for him, did his best bath, so the retired man faltered around when he sensed God was preparing a heavenly banquet in his future, worried over his past habits and failures in which the stains of sin may still be clinging on him, never knowing if he had adequately cleansed himself of all unrighteousness and was ready to meet his maker, even though he had explained to many people how they can be cleansed by confession and repentance, did all he knew to do and finally resigned himself to the mercy and forgiveness of God.

Like a young man walking with his father along a road with multitudes of helpless, cold, and homeless, hungry people filling the ditches on either side of them, the task of helping them totally overwhelming for him to relieve them, pleads with his compassionate father to do something about it, SO WE CRY out to our Heavenly Father to relieve the suffering of mankind who can do little to provide for themselves as they suffer from natural and unnatural disasters, of weather, cruel governments and corrupt leaders, and terrorists, which we see daily on the media or closer and feel we and God's people are starkly unable to cope with the magnitude of the problem of suffering mankind- we cry out for God to act, as only He can.

Like a new mother relaxing in her bed, ecstatically doting over her new born with her mother by her side, but her mother is suddenly totally distracted by the dust around the doily on the night stand, so I felt as I was reading some of my favorite writings to my wife, who was suddenly totally sidetracked, watching the garbage man picking up our trash I had placed out for him, she totally lost from the scene of something of infinitely more interest to me.

                                                        The Sacredness of Nature

There seems to be various attitudes toward the resources and environment of the world we live on and in. To reflect on this reality thinking only of resources to describe the issue, reminds us of those who are of the mind that the world is given to mankind to use in any way we want, just so we don't ruin it in our life time. This mentality complains a lot about government controls that hinder the use of resources for the enhancement of personal wealth, or as they would say, the economy. For them, oil in the ground is limitless, and it makes no sense in trying to make it last indefinitely as the supply is infinite, as far as we know. There is also little reason to seriously limit air pollution as it just hinders manufacturing, such as coal burning curbs. Fuel efficient automobiles also are just more expensive and less affordable. In many other ways, this is a political issues where the ambitions to prosper are hindered from pursuing their interests by unnecessary restrictions of government.

At the other pole are the environmentalists for whom the earth has to be reserved as if it is sacred in all aspects and must be left as we received much as possible. Every specie is precious at all costs. A swamp is as important as farm land to preserve. There is as much concern to treat dogs with dignity as human beings. Vast lands must be preserved as national lands and not touched for usefulness, like the drilling of oil wells on it. It would be risky and suspicious to genetically modify crops. Organically grown crops are believed to be healthier than commercially fertilized crops. Belief in global warming is adhered to as if it were an obvious fact of reality.

It is not as simple an issue as blending the two views of the physical world according to our values of personal wealth and aesthetics or emotional attachment to nature. It is true that we both need to use the natural resources and conserve them for posterity. But a higher criteria for the use of nature ought to guide us in how we use the world. A starting point ought to be the Creator of the world who certainly had a view point when he set man in the Garden of Eden, and later gave him responsibility to live in the world and care for it for his needs from it.

But there is more to creation than a practical home for mankind. It is an incredibly complex and large world. It's aesthetic beauty goes far beyond man's usefulness. God meant it for his own and man's enjoyment and wonderment, like an artist or poet who creates something for its own sake and the creator's enjoyment. No one yet understands the complexity of the inanimate world as well as the nature of life and the mind of man. Scientists may claim to map DNA, but they can't explain the connection of the blueprint and its power to shape living beings in regular patterns. Color has little utility for life but exists largely for wonderment. God made all things for his pleasure and man's challenge to understand and appreciate it. It is still God's creation. How absurd to destroy or handle nature carelessly. Yet we are given charge of nature to a large extent to use it for both our enjoyment and usefulness for our life. As stewards of the earth, we use it as the creator intended, not for our vanity and hoarding it for our glory, e.g. to built mansions and millions, but for our direct enjoyment and use for our needs. The earth then is also not a value in itself as if were kind of a god or sacred in itself. We care for it for its perpetual purpose of enjoyment and lively hood. We assume it should be preserved for posterity in all its richness of beauty and resources. We don't know how long God want to maintain this garden of a world, but it is not ours to destroy, whether in bits or continents. We are co-caretakers of the world, with him having the greater interest in it as creator. He owns it, we are renters, with free rent. So we do our part in maintaining it as the Owner would be pleased to see it.

                                                                                                                              April 24, 2012

                                    A Trip East When I Was Young

When I was five years old, my parents, my little sister, and I took a trip to the East Coast. We traveled by train in those days as we did not have a car. There are many things I remember about that trip even though it was many years ago. Definitely it made quite an impression on my young mind which was no doubt less cluttered than it is by now. I may forget what happened only last night, but these events have stayed with me rather clearly over the years.

I remember looking out endlessly at the scenery, taking in all I could from the train windows. When it turned dark, I would cup my hands around my eyes so I could still look outside, as the inside of the car was lighted up. This was especially helpful as we traveled through cities and towns. I wanted to see all I could. I don't know who showed me that you can see more that way, or if I discovered it by myself.

I also remember on that train ride that I learned where to get a drink of water- up the aisle and to a water fountain, using a strange little paper cup. No doubt I was often bored and thirsty so my mother was pleased when I could go and get a drink by myself as well as for my two year old little sister. I remember how she asked me if I could go by myself and also take the little girl along. No doubt it helped her on that long trip which took many hours, even days. I was happy to do that even as a five year old kid. ( That was when kids were called children and only goats had kids.)

In Pennsylvania, probably in Lancaster County I recall riding in a two seat buggy with our host. We went across some hilly fields rather than the longer route around on the road. It seems my mother had some anxiety about the buggy leaning on the side of those hills. So Dad gamely got off the buggy and walked along side with his hand on the buggy, assuring my mother that she was in safe hands and that we would not fall out of that leaning buggy.

It was also likely in Lancaster County that we were at an Amish home where they had some strange food: soda crackers stacked in a dish and hot milk poured over it. Apparently I was not impressed with the appearance of that food. When the host noticed that, he asked me if I did not like it. I gave an honest answer in the negative. Somewhat embarrassed, my father tried to cover for me and soften my comments with something like, "Maybe you do not like it as much as some other foods." I don't remember whether I then ate it boldly or was given an alternative by my father or the host. Likely my mother was also embarrassed a little that she had not yet trained me to eat everything as the rule was at our house. It seems I was forgiven rather easily for my social blunder and nothing was ever said about that again. But it stayed in my mind to this day.

We went across the Chesapeake Bay twice, but between what cities, I have no idea. The first time it was just like driving into a big building with the bus we were on, along with other vehicles and then this whole thing moved across the Bay. The return trip, however, was more fascinating. We were on a three story ship with the passengers on the upper deck. At least that is where they were supposed to be. But my Dad took me around to see the ship, probably as curious as I was. We went down stairs and around some places and finally came to a storage hold that was right at the level of the water. I remember going over to a kind of side door that came up from the floor about 3 feet. It seems then my father was holding me there in his arms With some feelings of anxiety or trepidation, he commented that if a child fell in the water we would not know if he could be rescued because of the depth of the water and the ship would be moving away from where you fell in. I just remember that moment of fear. Perhaps he was warning me or just expressing his fear. It seemed more than just ordinary concern.

I remember how my mother would introduce me to people. When they asked my name, I could have answered, but she would say, "His name is Noah." However, she would pronounce my name in German which is closer to the Spanish Noe. It seemed almost with a little sense of pride when she would say the name with me standing there by her knee or in front of her with her hand on my hip or somewhat around my waist. Such was my introduction to various persons of respect. I did not know that the way we said my name was German until I was well into primary grades. I still called myself Noe and never knew why people smiled a bit embarrassingly, or perhaps in pity at my ignorance of language. I only later learned my English name.

On that trip we traveled through 6 states, so that I could claim to have been in 7 states so far in my short life: Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Virginia, West Virginia, Delaware, and Maryland. I am not sure if I figured that our on that trip or soon after. That was a little matter of pride for this young traveler.

Well, these are some things that have lingered in my mind over seven decades. Now that they are on paper, I will no longer need to store them in my diminished capacity of memory. And may be able to remember more of recent happenings.

                                        SEVENTY BLESSINGS OF GOD IN MY LIFE

                  (From Icons of My Life, A Celebration of 70 Years. Chapter one, of lists of reflections on my life.)

                                                                       I will tell of the kindness of the Lord,

                                                                      The deeds for which he is to be praised,

                                                                      According to all the Lord has done for us...

                                                                      According to his compassion and many kindnesses. Isaiah 63:7

                                                                               Happy the people to who such blessings fall;

                                                                               Happy the people whose God is the Lord. Psalm 144:15

1. I was born into a Christian family that was serious about loving, obeying, and serving God.

2. My parents were consistent in teaching us the way of the Christian life.

3. The Bible was read twice daily in our family with total regularity.

4. The family prayed together, 8 times a day, counting before and after meals...

5. My mother quoted Bible verse to me habitually as a way of teaching me how to live.

6. My father helped me memorize many Bible verses from my youth.

7. We were a singing family- all of us could sing; we sang four part of harmony.

8. We were a family of good habits: devotions, church attendance, respectful speech, chores, etc.

9. We saw how hard Dad worked to provide for the family.

10 We saw our parents, especially Dad exercise true Christian stewardship with his possessions.

11. We saw frugality, honesty, and conscience in all our parents’ spending.

12. We never lacked anything we needed to be healthy and well taken care of.

13. Our parents taught us constantly about attitudes and human relations.

14. We had good health as a rule; sickness was exceptional; doctor visits rare.

15. We always had an ample home, adequate for all of us.

16. Our parents guided us in good Christian fellowship as youths.

17. We all have unique memories of our parents’ love, like sitting on Dad’s lap and hearing him sing Christmas songs in season.

18. I had the privilege of traveling with my parents to the east coast when I was 5 with many indelible memories of that trip, as well as traveling with them to the west coast 11 years later.

19. God gave me an incredible memory for sights, experiences, words, feelings, even smells that have barely faded for seven decades.

20. We had an excellent youth group for fellowship, worship, and service that was most of our social life, affording many opportunities for developing character and leadership.

21. I attended a Christian school for several years that was excellent training and education for the Christian life I was to live.

22. My formative age of teens coincided with a revival movement that profoundly shaped my life as to values, commitment, motivation for service, and Spirituality.

23. I found a beautiful young Christian woman who was willing to be my wife.

24. I had the opportunity to spend two years in Canada in the mission field which opened up my vision to a life of service, introducing me to cross cultural living the Gospel with many opportunities for Spiritual growth and service skills development.

25. I had a mentor for many years, most intensely in Canada, Harvey Graber, my brother-in-law, who taught me so many things that shaped my values, character, and goals for life.

26. We were blessed with 5 beautiful children whom we cherished, prayed with, and taught, as we lead them through their childhood and teens toward maturity.

27. God gave these children all a conviction to know him, love him, and dedicate their lives to him.

[As I wrote the above in rapid succession with little pause except to eat about at #21, it just seems that I am one of the most blessed persons in the world! October 10, 2005]  But see final footnote!

28. God gave me the desire of my heart to let me attend college and seminary for an education for service and evangelism.

29. Getting full and part time jobs were always a blessing when I was in college, as well as loans and grants, so that we always had sufficient for the family and schooling with minimal borrowing.

30. We were blessed with good health in those college years of close living with few doctor bills, and many bargain and credit items of help from my in-laws such as rent, milk, eggs, and gas, and work.

31. God gave me a gift of learning so that my studies were as much pleasure as labor.

32. My small children were a welcome joy as I returned from each day of work or study, and filled my evenings with joy and pleasure.

33. Even while in college years, God gave us the first house of our own for an affordable price. .

34. God led us into the Mennonite church home that felt so right with good fellowship and affirmation of other members, many about our own age, where we again had opportunity to explore and exercise our gifts.

35. God called us to the work of pastoring a church where we developed many friendships and experienced many stimulating challenges.

36. Early into my ministry, the movement of the Holy Spirit was around us and I was blessed with the Baptism of the Spirit in 1971, which increased my faith, joy, and power in ministry and enhanced my Christian life.

37. Even with the chronic illness of one child, God gave us courage to do what we could to help him.

38. God lead us into a rental business which we did not seek, know anything about, nor understand the long range benefit that it would bring, supplying our needs on the mission field and enabling us to minister to many needy persons.

39. All of or rentals came to us in unusual ways with unusual values for what we paid for them. Some paid for themselves in 3-4 years or less. One we earned half share by working about 7 weeks on it and some materials to fix it up. Another was for back taxes, less than a thousand dollars.

40. When we exceeded our income in sharing with people in Belize by thousands of dollars some years, God gave us increases of income and sources of income, sometimes far greater in return for our labor than we had ever experienced before, perhaps 50-100 dollars per hour working on rental properties. Several times we had special sources of incomes of $15-28,000 in the summer vacation in Indiana which was not imagined before it happened.

41. Way into middle age and past, God has graciously blessed us with excellent health with few exceptions, much more than we could have expected.

42. God has filled our life with meaning and wonderful experiences and challenges in our work at Red Lake, Ontario, Elkhart Hospital, pastoring Roselawn Church, and then Belize to top out everything.

43. We have established so many wonderful friends in Belize and the US, from small children who greet us exuberantly and flock around us to youth who love to come to our home frequently, to older persons who feel so comfortable around us and love to chat, encouraging to us.

44. We always have the church “back home” that welcomes us and encourages us when ever we return to the States for the summer.

45. Our maturing grandchildren are appreciating us more and more every year as we renew our family bonds in our summer vacations.

46. Our children welcomed us to live with them each summer for days and weeks at a time, as much as we desire, and really provide homes for us, totaling two to three months each year at no expense to us with full freedom to make ourselves at home with them when we are there. .

47. Son Conrad has been managing our rentals effectively for about 20 years at no charge to us at all, in addition to all his other work.

48. At age 54, we were able go self support in Belize living off our rentals.

49. With our social security income as well as rental income, we are able to help needy people in education, medical, and other needs with more than half our income, giving us great satisfaction with God’s blessings to us. (See Appendix B, Was it worth it? What Did it Cost Us?)

50. Even though I felt deprived of love and bonding in my infancy and youth, God has given me a gift and spirit of love which people feel and respond to most warmly whether in Belize, or the US.

51. I was blessed with a mother-in-law who loved me most kindly and undeservedly when I did not yet know how to receive such love. She became a rare jewel of affection and support when I learned to accept her love. At her passing, she deserved the memory of being the most loving person I ever met.

52. God blessed me with brothers and sisters who are most supportive and caring about our life and me personally.

53. Several times in my life, notably in 1971 and in the late 90’s at a retreat in Guatemala, God’s presence became so real; especially in Guatemala, I learned to relate to Him in a most intimate way, so that since these times God has always been so accessible, except when I sometimes strayed from him for a short spell. He is always there in a real way for me to relate to Him when I really want to meet Him.

54. God has always drawn me back to him when I strayed from him chasing my own fantasies and falling into sin. Like a dog on a leash, He has never let me go far from Him for any period.

55. I have always had amiable relations with national leaders in Belize.

56. Loretta has always been faithful to me and never left any doubt on that commitment.

57. Loretta and I share so many interests; like traveling, nature, farming, music, our grandchildren, even going to garage sales in the summer.

58. In the many ambiguities of helping people in Belize, God has given us the courage to press on, trusting him to lead us as we are faithful to him and trusting him for the future.

59. Even when not reaching all our goals in ministry, God has given assurance of his guidance and will for us to continue in ministry until he redirects our call.

60 We are beginning to see the future of our aspirations of the local church and new workers taking on some of the work that we were engaged in for years.

61. We see the continuing friendship of those who were with us in our Belizean home several years, who continue to trust us and enjoy our presence even when they no longer live with us.

62. We have confidence that God will fill each year of our service here with new fruit for our labors, and new ways of relating that will result in that fruit.

63. God gives us peace even in the times of the chaos of a house full of people, and the grace to diminish that number with respect when it becomes excessive for the good of the people present.

64. God gives us victory as we devote ourselves to living in a close relationship with Christ, “abiding in Him”, and not tolerating compromises to sin in any way, opening ourselves to him for correction when there are ambiguities in our relationship or thoughts or attitudes.

65. God has given us a sense of humor about the impossible situations we find ourselves in at times.

66. There is a strength from God to face reversals, losses, and unexpected expenses and inconveniences without leading us off to a detour of confidence in his presence.

67. That we have needed so few medical remedies in our life but when needed they were there.

68. To be of Anabaptist heritage with the key issues of the supremacy of Christ, discipleship, mission and service, stewardship, the brotherhood, and a view of Scripture consistent with the hermeneutic of Jesus, a kind of self correcting brotherhood of the Holy Spirit, with openness to prophetic renewal of the church.

69. Access to the history of our forefathers and the example of their pioneering spirit, of never being too settled at any one place on earth, always restless to plod on where God would lead.

70. A sense that the blessings of God will never end in this life or the next, an eternal linear experience in time and eternity of his infinitely creative love.

*(If these items make it seem like I had no problems in life, the next chapter in ICONS is “70 Burdens of My Life!)

                             Toward a Philosophy of Dispersing This World’s Goods

                                                           From Belize, May 2, 2005

When we approached the peak of our income and equity between the ages of 60 and 65, I felt it was time to develop a sound basis for dispersing much of what God has given to us, especially what was in the form of real estate equity. We could leave it to posterity to disperse, or to disperse it in blocks, such as one house at a time to a charitable cause, or as we finally chose, to use some of our equity in our own ministry. This was to help children in education and with their basic life needs which may also involved their mothers. It also involves widows and persons without skills and jobs or having other handicaps; the poorest of the land. Basic is the concept that God still owns everything he has entrusted to us and we are to make the best use of it. This is called Christian stewardship. What criteria are we using to decide what and who to give help?

We help those near us, who knock on our doors and come to us. We do not seek out needy people since that is not necessary in our case in Belize as it might be in the US.

We try to ascertain who may or may not have other resources from friends and family and relatives who should be helping them. We ask whether it helps them or makes them dependent and less likely to try helping themselves.

We are open to the advice of our Christian brothers and sister, and seek to know if needs presented to us are real or fake. We seek to help on a minimum level with basic needs and avoid “needs” of people increasing like an addiction to our money, where they want more and more.

We have special concerns for children who may suffer hunger, medical needs, education inadequacies because of their parents neglect or inability to provide for them. Parents may need to feel deprivation to be motivated to do their greatest to support themselves, but children should not be allowed to suffer because of their parents. Much spiritual discernment is needed here.

For us it is not how much we can afford according to our income, but how we help real needs in the best way. We want to help generously without giving carelessly to those who may become dependent like young women who should try to help themselves in particular.

We can calculate the rate at which we could liquidate our equity over the next 30 years, but we have only recently reached the peak of logical dispersion, given that we won’t be in this ministry for 30 years. Perhaps only 5-10 years. If there are thousands left over for other ways to distribute later, we will decide that when the time comes. It is basic conviction that it is a poor stewardship to hold on to our wealth for 20 years when it could be used in the Kingdom business presently.

So when I am given the challenge to help someone with daily bread, or with several hundred dollars in medical expenses, or school tuition in the best local Christian school, I don’t feel loss. I don’t worry that God who creates the rain will not also provide if there ever be a rainy day for us. We need to follow our instincts and the Holy Spirit, with our self interests in money not being an issue, but what is best for needy causes now. When we see ourselves as stewards of God who has blessed us; that He cares for all people like for us, we can freely give as we have been given.

                                           THREE VIEWS OF CULTURE

For the many years I have had the opportunity of observing and seeking to understand the Garifuna culture in Belize from the vantage point of my own European Amish American culture. I have seen many similarities and differences. Today I can list many strong and weak points of each culture, that is, how well the respective cultures meet the needs, goals, and aspirations of the people represented? However, here I would only like to compare and contrast the ways people view their own cultures. Then I want to suggest a third way we can view culture. This is not a technical study, but a rather casual study of what I have seen and experienced from a layman’s viewpoint and where I have come to as a Christian.

To begin with, I want to note that Garifuna and Amish have much in common as to their history and environment today. Both have been transported from one continent to another. Both are in population of under a million, and minorities where they live. Both are not quite considered main stream, but separate and distinct from the larger cultures around them. One migrated because of outward forces, the other by inner compulsion to find a place where they can live more peacefully. So both have been exposed to another culture from the original and have always been in tension with the surrounding culture. Both have maintained much of the cultures they came from several hundred years ago, and been selective of what they accepted from their cultures in which they now find themselves.

Cultures are always changing. Is that acceptable to us?  Are parts of culture negotiable?  Can we leave it or any part of it, or do we want to maintain it as a whole? The Garifuna in general idealize maintaining their culture as it stand- language food, dress, rituals, holidays, marriage within the group, ways of making a living, living in villages or units in towns or cities. The voices for the Garifuna culture are strong to defend, celebrate, and maintain the culture. The culture is esteemed for themselves to maintain a distinct identity. Garifuna culture is not negotiable, although there is a lot of unwitting absorption of surrounding cultures which constantly challenges the strictness of the original culture- whatever that is considered to be.

Much of the above analysis of Garifuna culture could also be said of Amish culture. The German language is almost sacred. European dress has been baptized by scriptures and made sacred. The Amish live in groups, and stand in tension with the surrounding cultures. Marriage may only be within the group. They maintain rituals, holidays in the traditional European way to large extent. They esteem the culture for themselves but withhold judgment largely from Christians who differ. There is some slow absorption of surrounding culture, but change is strictly regulated, more than Garifunas can do, because the Amish also have strong religious sanctions and boundaries, rules and regulations for membership.

Let me now take one step from my historical culture and take a stance that I have accepted for myself as a citizen of the kingdom of God which transcends my Amish background and culture. When I became a Mennonite, I progressed in a view of culture different from the Amish. In fact, I never fully accepted the Amish view of faith and culture even when I joined that group as a teen  In Kingdom of God culture which I idealize now, many aspects of culture are negotiable, Language, dress, except for modesty; and ethnic marriages are not idealized as in the two mentioned groups above. I can and do adopt various aspects of Belizean, Creole, Garifuna or American culture, with only the principles of the Christian faith to guide or limit me. All else is negotiable. I place no premium on my European heritage, never celebrate it, or parade it even among my own family. I only celebrate the values of the Kingdom of God, and raise them up before others as most ideal, not only for me but for all others as well. We did not try to keep our family language German, nor lament when our children married outside of our specific Amish and European culture. I only rejoiced that they married Kingdom citizens. Had they married Africans, I would be just as happy as I am today. Only Kingdom culture matters.

Social culture is just accidental and incidental, and a matter of choice. It is a product of the flow of our family history. My children live in 3 states and we [lived] in a different country from any of them. So what? Kingdom citizenship transcends place of living, social culture, and ethnic backgrounds. Language is irrelevant as a value in our extended family as well. We probably speak 10 languages, including Chinese, Russian, Portuguese, and who knows what else? Most of the next generation after mine does not speak German. In Kingdom Culture nothing is lost by this diversity of social culture. A profound unity prevails when our extended family gathers periodically and worship and renew our lives with each other because we share Kingdom cultural values. We generally hold that social culture is negotiable, although we do still have strong remnants of Amishism in parts of our extended family. But our highest values are Kingdom culture, and that is the basis of a profound identity and unity.

With the above dominance of Kingdom culture in my values and experience, I have to be humble and respectful when the Garifuna celebrate their culture- their total culture in their holidays and rituals. This is not totally easy when I feel liberated from any specific human culture that I have been a part of. I suppose this is an essay of celebration of Kingdom culture. Perhaps I am proud of it. May I be humbly so. And like the Amish and the Garifuna, I also feel surrounded by other cultures, ever feeling the tension of those cultures which try to invade the only culture to which I am committed- the Kingdom of God. This Culture is where I find my true identity.

Some Aspects of Kingdom Culture That May Differ From Other Cultures:

         Local language with some additional vocabulary;

         Values of honesty, generosity, sensible self-esteem, self-control, responsibility;

         Active love to those of Kingdom culture and those opposed to it, friends and enemies both;  Loyalty to King Jesus, imitating Him in daily life;

         A Service mentality, missional, other centered, community centered;

         Holiday first day of every week, a celebration of our King, for community building;

         Dress not selected by design, style or color, but by practicality, and decency;

          Marriage within those of Kingdom culture, to avoid definite conflict.

                                                                                                 Written in Belize, 2003