Clingy or Mature?

Sometimes it seems to me that people express a feeling that is considered holy, or faithful of trusting in God and clinging tightly to him for every step of their lives. This seems to me to be the position of child who feels insecure unless she has hold of the hand of a parent. Or a child that is comfortable only when in the arms of his mother. While this may seem pious as a matter of devotion to God, it seems to me, perhaps as an older man, that it is a somewhat immature position for a Christian.

A person learns a whole lot in life on the will of God, whether or not he feels the hand of God. God is always there. God has given us much knowledge of his ways and will for the lives of his children. He keeps on giving wisdom, to use that knowledge, in the pursuits of our daily lives. An example is that of this morning, as we were contemplating sending money to a family in Belize that had contacted us for help. In fact, two single mothers had requested help in the past day. What to do in light of bills here that are due early next week and we do not have money for all that and any good amount of money for the needs of our friends in Belize. What we decide to do, depends on our knowledge of these situations and wisdom, and our yieldedness to do what we feel in their best interests and in our situation. Certainly we could borrow money to meet all present needs and requests. But is that what we should do?

It would be easiest if God would just tell us plainly without question what do in many situations in life. Then we would know! But has he not given us a mind to use, and many experiences to draw on, as well as the counseling of others when needed? Somehow, it seems God just doesn't want to make all decisions for us, even though he certainly could and could communicate the best answer to us if he would desire. Many people want to have some kind of hotline to heaven, some sign of knowing God's will, perhaps a feeling in the body, or even the “heart”. Doing what feels right. This may be good, but at times we have found that we still ended up where we would not have want to come to. For us, to have a sizable home equity loan plus credit cards ,now with elevated interest- we certainly would not have chosen quite this place in our finances, had we seen everything 10-15 years ago.

I have wondered sometimes, if God led us, how did we get into this situation? It is part of being human, to us to follow our convictions and common sense, which may still get us into unenviable situations. My confidence is that even if we get ourselves into any wilderness of uncertainty in the paths we choose, we can still depend on a faithful God who will always be watching over us. It wasn't that we should have fearfully clung closer to his hands, but that we can venture forth in the way he has called us and then be confident that he will never desert us. Thus we can use the experiences we have in a life of walking along side God, or following Christ, and discerning the way to go by the wisdom of the Holy Spirit within us. We are free to venture forth into the world, confident that God will always be within reach and protecting us in his ways for us. Perhaps he will not make everything clear or sensible to us, but certainly he will never desert us as we trust him maturely as we follow him in all of life as we venture forth in the light of our experiences and knowledge.

                                            HOW WE BUY (Or How We Decide As Couples)

There are three criteria that persons use in deciding what to buy on any item: Quality, economy, and aesthetics. Take clothes for example. When you buy pants or a sweater, or what ever. Are you most concerned about how long it will wear, or how attractive it is, or how much it will cost? Certainly there is usually a combination of interests in the three criteria. For some persons, one will dominate where as for another person a different one will be most important. It will also depend on what you are buying. If a woman is buying a dress, how it looks is dominate usually with durability and cost secondarily. If a man is buying work pants, durability ranks above attractiveness usually, with cost also important. But buying a car may find a couple divided on what to buy: to buy something economical to use, or in fashion? Or does the record of repairs of such a model matter, or the present condition of the car matter a lot?

Which criteria prevails or dominates is also dependent greatly on parental influence and personal interests and probably often gender. If your parents came through the Great Depression and you grew up under that mentality and memory, economy may be very important in most things. Perhaps initial costs may be more important than durability as survival in the short run was the focus in their day. Aesthetics had little influence in those days of practical survival.

Economics has another influence when there is plenty of money around. Sufficiency allows for cultivation of aesthetics. For example, when there is money lying around, one can buy tasty food (aesthetics) beyond practical nutrition, (quality). One can also excel in various arts of music, entertainment, and art. Here durability technological quality may be as important as aesthetics if money is no problem.

From these examples, it is easy to see why a husband and wife may have difficulty in shopping together. There are of course gender differences in styles of shopping: the wife is likely to shop aesthetically,  while the man will cling to his purse [economy] except when he wants to buy something. Window shopping may be appealing to a woman’s aesthetic interests, but when she likes something, costs may appear to take back seat to the husband who may not have the same aesthetic taste or interest. The wife may want to buy something for him also for which he senses no need as he measures needs by still durable materials in his possessions, and not as much by now nice something new may be. However gender generalities are not consistent.

It is likely that some couples may compromise buying in order to “keep peace in the family.” The husband may be content to spend more on eye glass frames and his preference on durability may take back seat to her aesthetics. She may also allow him to buy used clothes at Goodwill- if they don’t look too bad by her tastes, although she would like him to buy new stuff. Yet sometimes compromises are not that simple if they hold different criteria strongly. If he feels their budget is strained, he may object strongly to her buying something for aesthetics sake beyond quality and necessity. For the woman, necessity may be spelled psychological- the need to do something for her self, which to the husband may be a category incomprehensible. Then the strength of wills may prevail before a decision is made. It helps to be understanding.