Casting Crowns - Thrive (Official Lyric Video)

                                                God, All We Can Imagine and More

The intellectual genius Stephen Hawkins who was also an agnostic or atheist who died in the past year, was once ask what he would say if he actually did meet God and was asked by God why he did not believe in him . He said he would say, “ Lack of evidence” I feel he was stone-blind to all the evidence that there is a real God.

If there is a universe, it must have come from somewhere at some time. It could not have self-created itself as Hawkins tried to imagine. That takes much more faith than I have. The necessity of a Creator for a universe is logically incontrovertible. In itself it may not appear to define the nature of a creating God, until we examine the nature of the universe and the challenge of creating it when there was nothing there to make it from. When I learn that nuclear power comes from turning matter into energy, I wonder if it follows that energy can also be turned into matter, Although this would require an infinite amount of energy to create a universe of the dimensions of what we have. It would point to a God that has energy that is infinite beyond our imagination.

It has been calculated by science that the universe must be 3.5 or 3.8 billion years old, judging from the distance of the most far light coming from somewhere until it would come to us here. One could well ask if that is any measurement of a universe or beyond the reach of light to our universe. So the size of the universe in the widest sense of the word is totally beyond our understanding. One could also imagine in the size of the universe (‘s), what was happening before God decided that there should be one. Was God from eternity meditating and planning on the shape of this universal project for a billion trillion years? He would have had time for that!

It is interesting how He used a variety of materials and to make the universe. We know about electrons and protons and I don’t know much about all the other elements of an atom. The number of elements or arrangements and number pf particles are also numerous. Seems there were about 100 elements known when I was young and more have been discovered since. Must have been His creative leisure to play with these little “things” in so many arrangements. I wonder if there might not also be other and more elements than are known to scientists. What limit might be exist for God?

I am intrigued by God’s appreciation for the aesthetics as I have written elsewhere. It seems he made many things like color, sound, ecstasy, taste and other luxuries for the pleasure of humans beyond necessity for life. Must be like him to enjoy many things just because he could make them in his creative imagination. Think of the variety of plants and animals. Books are written on animal life with its infinite variety, and new ones are still being discovered. From insects that seem intelligent to animals that are almost human, each is capable of activities that bogle the mind.

We know about human emotions of which there are a great variety. But more mysterious are the emotions of animals of which we see only a glimpse.  Just today I saw a video of a dog in a swimming pool which could not get out. Another dog paced above him trying to find a way to help the miserable dog in the water. Finally that safe dog jumped in the water and came behind the struggling dog and pushed him up so he could get out. Sympathy, hatred, affectionate response to human emotions, like horses may remember that bad attitude a persons had hours before when the person now comes with a good attitude. It seems likely that animals have many emotions we understand so little. Even more amazing is some evidence that plants as well have feelings and some may detect friendly or hostel attitudes of humans passing by. Or plants that may communicate through roots to neighboring plants that the soil is dry and that neighboring plants should direct there root to a more favorable direction.

I am not a scientist, and wish I could document these and many more examples of wide spread feelings and communication between many fauna and flora. With the imagination we have, no doubt in the image of God, one wonders if not other living thing also have imagination comparable to ours. In fact, is it not possible that many species have a confidence that they also are made in the image of God? Is it outrageous to think that God may just as well communicate with many others of his beings? They fact that we can communicate a little with such animals as horses and dogs, and they can grasp some of our vocabulary, why would God not want to communicate with many of his other intelligent fauna and flora? One can speculate whether other species have also strayed from their Creator’s intent like man and God had to become special to redeem them. Feels like I am far out by now in my imagination. Perhaps far beyond the capacity of the most people. But if I can imagine it, is it not possible that a lot more is true than we assume and can be sure of? Why would man be the only creature who has a right to claim to be in the image of God and in a relationship? God loves us so much we feel special, but why would not others of creation also feel special? I can imagine it; why might it not be true?

I have not said anything here about God and the stuff we call inanimate. How do we know electrons don’t join together and have feeling- or even intelligence? Why would God only relate intelligently to so-called animate beings, a category we smart one have concocted?  Doesn’t all this mean that we most likely know only a miniscule amount of what actually exists about God and his relationship with the universe?  I would desire to be open to a greater understanding of who God is and how he relates to the world and the universe. I have no doubt that our understanding of God is extremely provincial or narrow minded, limited by the understanding of our scientific mentality. I believe we will all have many surprises when we finally see God in heaven as he really is. I doubt that we can even then grasp his infinity of nature, but it doesn’t hurt to start trying here and now, which I had tried to do here. Worship our great God with your own imagination. 

                                              The Roselawn Years, 1970-83

After I graduated from seminary in 1970, I was invited to visit Roselawn Mennonite Church in Elkhart and to preach as a way of the members learning to know me in consideration as pastor. Their previous pastor had been there for many years and it was considered they should have a new pastor and so they looked to the seminary for possibilities. They decided they want us to come and so after about a month, they asked me to start pastoring. 

We were still living in Goshen and so we commuted until we moved to Elkhart on Modrell Avenue.. We had looked around for proper housing and then found this place less than a mile from the church building. A old lady, Mrs. Fredrickson, wanted to sell the place after her husband had died. As we considered that the price of $14,000 was reasonable, we bought it at her price. She wanted to stay living in a little house on the lot and renting it from us. She gave us $50.00 per month and we made payments of $110.00 so we had to fork out only a net of $60 per month which was good for us. It was on a lot of over an acre so it was very nice for us for gardening, trees, and lawn. We moved around Thanksgiving Day and the children had to change schools in the middle of the semester. The house was a bit small for us and the boys had to sleep downstairs where the ceiling was low- at least for me, but then still ok for them. The girls had a room off the living room, kind of a sun room with a good closet.

I suppose the ministry went all right for me for a while, but within a year or two, it was somewhat obvious that some of the members expectations were a bit different from my own. The pastor was supposed to be the Spiritual leader and the congregation was organized to do the business of the church. The pastor was to be something of an invisible inspiration for the church as far as the mission of the church was concerned, but not as an administrator. I grew up where the leaders made most decisions for the church and then at Walnut hill, it was very democratic, at least based on member consensus and making decisions. But Roselawn had a church council that made most decisions and the pastor was on about every committee but without an administrative role. This may be confusing to the reader, but it also was for me and I probably did not understand all this for many years, possibly until I moved on from that church. Also the original members who had started the church were still there and were 10-20 years my senior. They knew how things should go and probably never thought any other way existed. Or was proper. Anyway, I preached and did what I thought was proper.

After I was there about a year, we became aware of a movement of the Spirit, commonly known as the Charismatic Movement. Some of the members went to Notre Dame and attended classes of “Life in the Spirit” in that Catholic setting. A few times we also attended their prayer and praise meetings. At the same time we also visited the Zion Chapel fellowship between Goshen and Elkhart for their Charismatic worship services which included a lot of singing, testimonies, and sometimes prophesying in tongues or English. One couple from Roselawn, the Chupps were very much into this and the wife had received a tremendous healing from depression that had been a real trial in their marriage. After she gave her testimony in a Roselawn meeting, we asked her husband what he thought about her testimony. He simply said, “I have a new wife.” One time we were at a meeting at the Chupps with Vic Hildebrand who was leader of Zion Chapel. He explained a lot about the Spirit and prayed for all who wanted it. He also asked if I wanted him to pray for the Baptism of the Spirit. I had been asking him questions all evening, and here it was after midnight. I said I wanted what ever God wanted to give me, so he prayed for me to receive the Baptism. It was about 2:30 until we got to bed that night. No, I did not speak in tongues as they likely hoped I would. But early the next morning, possibly before 6:00, I was wide awake and over in my study looking over many Scriptures about the Holy Spirit. Now it seemed to me that it all made sense the way it had been explained the night before. I had studied all my life and in seminary, but considered the miracles of the Spirit were for “those days”, rather than today. Now I saw the possibilities that there was a new thing that was real for our day. The next days and weeks I was reading a lot about the Spirit. I was also working for Ralph Miler on a house up close to Tri Lakes Church by the lake. It was a time of such closeness with God, not of my compulsion, but by God's initiative that then in those days I first spoke in tongues, probably in the evening at home in a quiet way alone. I did not tell Loretta for a few days and then when I did, she had no problems with it. I was careful not to speak in tongues as a thing of myself but only when I felt God was leading me lest it be a thing of my concoction rather than that of the Spirit.

I suppose my ministry was affected although I was cautious about talking about it a lot. I did preach 4 sermons in a row on the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives but never recommended that everyone seek the Baptism of the Spirit. There were only a few who were really talking about it, for example both Chupp families- Earnest and Elmer's. Eventually Elmer's left the church as we were not moving forward as they thought we should. They felt we should strongly preach and advocate the Charismatic teaching and experience. There was new life in our fellowship. We prayed for the son of one couple, who was into drugs and within a week he perked up Spiritually and became a Christian. Soon he was helping to lead the worship with guitar and praise songs for part of the worship time as we also continued singing the regular hymns.

It seems this spiritual movement was one matter that divided the church in my ministry. Some members wanted me to move faster Charismatically and others felt the church was going backward under my ministry. When my first term of 3 years was up, I told the leaders that I do not want to continue in ministry. Oddly, I cannot remember what we did in the months following, but we must have attended other churches regularly with our family. I was depressed, feeling that God had lead me into this ministry and now I was unable to fulfill it. I certainly felt in a maze of personal direction.

About this time I was once visiting at some neighbors a block south of our house. Here was a woman who was drinking and had been thrown out of the house she had been renting. Not knowing better, I brought her home and she stayed with us for the night. The next morning I showed her about becoming a Christian and she was ready. After I prayed for her and she also prayed, she just sat there and shook all over with laughter of relief from her problems. But her problems were not all over. Several times when she got her welfare check she marched out the door and spent several days and her money drinking. When she would come back she would feel that she had lost everything when she drank, but I told her to get up and walk again. Once Loretta pursued her on the bicycle and tried to stop her when she was rushing to drink after she had her check but to no avail. Eventually she was in a nursing home and stayed sober while she was there.

Other things were also happening at the same time we were away from Roselawn. Probably related to my work in a factory I had pinched nerves or carpel tunnel syndrome in both wrists. My wrists hurt excruciatingly and I could not sleep for several nights. I would pace the floor for about ten minutes and then lay down for 5 minutes, all night long. At one time my fingers hurt so much I asked Loretta to spread my bread. I remember once running out into the back yard in agony crying out to God, feeling an identity with all the suffering people of the world. When we took Marge, the lady with the drinking problem, to an apartment looking for a place to live, I could not sit in the car waiting for Loretta to check things out with her, but had to get out and paced the sidewalks in pain. After some days either I was tired enough to sleep, or the pain subsided a bit; I was able to sleep again some although I recall earlier, first sitting up in bed and throwing myself back in agony. I was learning some lessons in suffering although what was I supposed to learn?

During this time, there was also extra stress on Paul. He had started school at Bethany and they called us telling us to come to the school for him as he could not quite function in studying. I don't believe he was making a disturbance but he was restless and couldn't concentrate on his studying, He was talking a lot when we brought him home and while most made sense, his mind was going faster than he could link things together. We took him to Oaklawn Center for evaluation and they recommended he be hospitalize for treatment.

About that time I began working at Elkhart General Hospital as an orderly. My hands were some better but I felt I could not go back to factory work even though I could hardly afford working at the hospital for lower wages. Paul was at the hospital about four weeks when I started working there and was released, only to be admitted again for another 4 weeks. After he was released he got along ok at home on medication and went back to school, although at Elkhart Central High at first.

I felt comfortable with my work at the hospital which included a variety of activities and allowed me to interact with patients who were sick. Sometimes I told them that I knew what suffering was as I had such terrible pain in my hands. I transported patients to x-ray or surgery, and other places. Sometimes I was on patient care as a nurse aid, making beds, bathing patients, feeding those unable to feed themselves and helping them walk or exercise after surgery or in recovery. I worked there about 6 years before my course changed.

After away from Roselawn Church for several months I had a sense that I might be going back to Roselawn. I was not surprised when John Steiner, a well-known minister, came to our house and invited me to come back to Roselawn on a team with Wendell Yoder and him. I consented and was then on a team for 6 years, although Steiner soon faded away from our team. Wendell and I were very different from each other. I was a trained teacher with a listening ear. He was a persuader in preaching and I let him lead in most of the administrative leadership which was not my strong gift. We met weekly over breakfast and discussed our work and how we would divide our work, for example who we would be visiting.

Perhaps about a year after I began working at the hospital, about in 1975, we felt our house was small for our growing up family. We all agreed that Loretta could work and I could add to our house. She was able to get a good job at the hospital in the nursery which suited her fine, having had 5 babies herself. Daughter Grace was then 13 and with her we learned to cook, especially supper as Loretta worked the evening shift. I continued working at the hospital, sometimes part time, as I built the split-level three bedrooms at the end of our house.. Sometimes she and I were on the same hospital shift and sometimes I only saw her for the half hour our shifts over lapped. At first I didn't mind being separated from her but eventually I got really tired of being alone from her 5 evenings a week.

One thing we did over the years was attending the big church wide meetings with our family. Once we went to Ontario for a meeting and also to Niagara Falls. On the way we saw a dog crossing the highway and then looking back, saw a car flipping over with the people flying out, one person dying there. Apparently they tried to miss the dog that had also crossed the road in front of us. We also went to a conference on the Holy Spirit in Virginia about 1971, and to Estes Park in Colorado about 1978. As we hardly expected our children would always be with us, we bought a big station wagon and build a box on top of it and made a real trip out of it. We were in Manitou Springs, CO for about a week and went to Pike's Peak, the Royal Gorge, and other places before camping at Estes Park for the national assembly of the church. Our children who were becoming teens enjoyed these travelings and would meet youth from other states sometimes repeatedly. It was also a test of whether we could all get along together in close living out of the car for a time.

Once we went to Chicago for a one day outing and on returning we drove though heavy rain and hydro-planed at turnpike speed. When I told the family that I could not control the car, they were all praying, “God help us.” He did and we stopped safely, sliding sideways and one tire going flat in the skid on the rough berm. It was testimony time that next Sunday in church that God saved our family. The car that had flipped not long before was in the back of our minds- where one person had died.

One theme that has persisted throughout our life has been that of the need to use our money carefully. This was true whether we had more or less income. Probably the Roselawn years were the times of most continuous need to spend carefully. One reason was the income from pastoring half time coupled with what I could make with the other part-time job was less than I could have earned in a full time job or profession. Even with both of us working at the Hospital, the combined income was not exactly comfortable. Yet we never missed a due bill because of lack of finances that I can recall. Part of this was that in most limited circumstances, I would write down all our upcoming expenses and date them as to when they needed to be paid. Sometimes I had a list, who knows now, of ten to fifteen items from house payments to utilities, to credit cards (yes) and other miscellaneous expenses. Then I would pay them in the order they had to be paid to avoid late fees. 

It is also likely that in the years of our teens and related private high school expenses we likely had more expenses in the 70”s than any other time in our life. Fortunately, our children all helped with their own jobs and helped in buying their own clothes as well as what they wanted. They all had paper routes at some time and also all worked at fast food places or restaurants at some time. This helped us as well as gave them some experience in frugal and wise spending of limited resources, or whatever. There was a time when I would borrow from my children and then pay back when I received my pay check. At one time we even borrowed and just kept track of what I borrowed. Yet I doubt that they ever suffered nutritionally or medically or of any other necessity. God was always good even though it was inconvenient many times.

I suppose our parent/teen relations were quite normal or average, what ever should be considered as such. I clearly remember that I used to think that each or most of the children had a time of withdrawal from us in which they wanted to be more independent from us. It seemed to me that I was more tolerant than Loretta in expecting them to want to make their own decisions. We trusted them a lot. Probably I never accused any of our children of lying as I did not want them to think that I would even faintly expect that of them. No doubt they never told us every thing they did when they were away from home or in high school years. When it was difficult for them to appreciate church services, we insisted that they attended at least one Sunday service. If they had to work at a food place on Sunday, we tolerated that although it was not often and certainly not as we were raised. I feel we were fairly lenient and liberal with our children compared to how many parents today feel they need to guide their children. We probably grew up in a more simple and rural environment where parents could more easily grant freedoms to their children. It seemed when each of our children had gone through enough independence, they would come back and relate to us again more closely. I could think of many examples of the above items for our children, but I do not wish to name anyone. Any grandchildren can ask their parents how they got along with their parents, of where the trouble spots were.

In January 1978, we had our house fire. A traumatic, new, and life changing event. I was working at the hospital when I got the news and a secretary took me home- driving so slowly like she was in a funeral procession! Well. Cars were lined up as we came near our house. Smoke was coming from the house when I first saw it. Firemen did not know how to get at the base of the fire as it was all smoke filled, but it seemed to be mostly at the kitchen end of the house. I kicked in the basement door so they could work at it from there. They finally had it under control and then out. My study floor had burned out and the dining room floor sagged. The refrigerator had fallen down. The inside was one mass of smoke covered. Herbie the dog tried to survive in a closet and succumbed. Hardly any furniture was salvageable except the dining room table. All my college texts were badly smoked or charred as well as most my educational notes. A solid shelf of many translations of the Bible were gone as well as many slides and cassettes. Loretta and I sifted through the debris of my study in the basement for days to find slides, coins or what ever. It was a very dirty and smelly/smokey situation. It seemed that my study was the place of most damage which suggested it may had started from an electrical box which was downstairs below that room. The next day our church had already collected $1,000 to help us move along with new emergency expenses.

It was winter when the house burned. We lived over at brother Daniel's house and the blizzard of the decade followed close. Nine kids in the house, cousins and siblings. We made it somehow. Staying in Goshen, I had to drive Road 33 which was down to one lane. I stayed at the hospital one night so I could be there the next day as many had trouble getting to work. When we moved into the Fremont house after a week or two, we had hardly over a pick up truck load of stuff. . When we moved out a year later, we had much more. I don't remember where we got our beds and stuff. 

The insurance appraisers had come in just a few days. They considered the house a total loss except for that dining room table which was an antique that could be refinished. So we collected the whole amount for which it was insured, $17,000 minus that $100.00 table. Our first impulse was to buy another house and fix this one up in time. But a Realtor said there was no way to go looking for a house in that snowbound situation, which is how we then rented a house on Fremont house. Instead, in a few weeks we bought two 3-bedroom rentals on 728-732 West Garfield for $3,000 down on land contract. As I remember. I went part time at the hospital and spent as much time as I could repairing the house. We put in a new kitchen, two bathrooms, and made a study where the dining room had been, rearranging most of the old part. There was much sheet rock to replace and everything had to be painted with stain sealer to cover up the smoke scent. In just about a year we had it finished enough to move back in.

At the Fremont house, Conrad asked if a long-time friend, John Metzger, from Goshen could move in with us. With the house crowded a bit, I said he could if he wants to share the space. So he was with us and then moved over to our Modrell house when we moved back. John was at Bethany High School with our children. In his industrial arts class he built a big oak water bed which they also moved into the downstairs boys' room. Later John got a good job in furniture making and married a Christian girl, rising well above the malfunction of his family.

By 1980 it was again time to re-consider my role at Roselawn. I would have gladly quit and someone else take my place. But the church had such trouble deciding what to do that I finally offered to continue if they wanted me to. So they approved that and I continued for three more years. Wendell had left to work in another church so I was alone then as pastor. During that time I took real estate courses and became a broker, at the worst time as interest was very high and it was hard to sell houses. I also did home health care, helping people who needed just a little help like making meals, bathing and house sitting with them.

During those three years at Roselawn there were more changes in our family life. Conrad and Janet were married in 1980. Ron and Grace in 1982 and Bruce and Rachel in 1983. Conrad learned to know Bruce and Janet from work at Ponderosa. At some time, Bruce had moved in with us and thus became acquainted with Rachel. But earlier, Rachel had been in Belize in a Goshen College study/service trimester. In those three years when I was away from the church community I would sometimes think of other places where I could serve just as well.  In about May, 1983, we had Harold and Janice Gingrich at Roselawn for renewal meetings and also the church had an evaluation of my ministry. All these together: Rachel in Belize writing back interesting matters, the Gingrich presence, and the ambiguous ministry evaluation, led me to think this would be a good time to move on. So I terminated at that time at the end of the term in late 1983. I envisioned I would most likely serve as pastor in another church.  Meanwhile I got a job in a trailer factory. ( And bought the house at 1031 Middlebury Street on a tax sale for $825.00.) But Belize stayed in my mind and when we went to Virginia for the wedding of my niece Marilyn and Steve Schrock in May 1984 we stopped at Eastern Mennonite Mission in Pennsylvania and expressed an interest in Belize. Miriam Book who met us was so enthused about our interest that it made quite an impression on us and we wondered if God was calling us to Belize. Meanwhile, we had discovered Tri Lakes Chapel and became members there and soon I was an elder there. It was a most rewarding fellowship after we had visited other churches for about 9 months, making a survey of practices of the churches to be better aware of the styles and nature of other Mennonite churches. Once we visited Tri Lakes, we knew that was our church for then and stopped visiting other churches. But a new life lay before us that would change our lives forever as well as that of many others: Belize.