ME AND BROTHER NORMAN

                                                       (From my biography)

Brother Norman was my teacher at Clinton Christian Day School the first three years of that school's existence and my last three years of school. It was his first teaching job. I remember how he stood before us on that first day and told us with a little nervousness, that he was a new teacher. He was friendly, down to earth, and a serious Christian which showed every day. Friendly yes, but not a buddy. He was the teacher, and his friendly dignity never broke down.

He told us only a little of his family, being one of 15 children in Montana, far out West. He was married to a local young woman. But I new little more. I knew that he became a deacon at some time. He was a Mennonite and I was Amish, so we met little outside of school functions.

I remember how he could prod students to study. He was consistent in a memory program of Scripture. Every Monday he would assign a group of verses. These we practiced during the week and by Friday we wrote them. There would be anything from 5 to 14 verses. We memorize the book of I John and the 4 chapters of Romans- 5-8. The longest stretch for a week was John 1:1-14. Then there were many other individual verses. Did we memorize the Sermon on the Mount? I don’t know, but it has always been very familiar. It did not seem laborious for me.

But there was one thing I could never memorize. When he asked us to memorize the circulation of the blood in the human body, I was staggered, and said I could never learn that. Everybody else I suppose, learned to say it, but I was the last and then needed some help to get through. What the difference was with that and Scriptures, I don’t know, except what I put my heart to, I could do, but not what I didn’t feel able, was impossible.

Brother Norman had a way of saying something that would always stick with me. Some were sayings like, “Wait (weight) is what broke the wagon down”, (possibly as an antidote to causing delay) which I repeated to my children for years before they fully comprehended it. He always said that there are always two alternatives to every problem, something I recalled many times when my family thought there was not even one way out of a dilemma. He even claimed that he can prove that a hill was a lazy dog: “a slow [p] up.”

He had other ways to make a point. One time when I had trouble getting to class after recess, he had me and another student with the same problem write an essay on “Choice, Not Chance, Determines Human Destiny” I don’t know whether the other student took that seriously, but I did and wrote up a page of my thesis. He had a reason for making me do it.

One time, perhaps soon after the above essay, as I wrote before, I’m not sure, he summoned me into the office and asked me point blank, “Are you a Christian?” I was probably about 15 at the time. It didn’t help him to say that I hope so, or wanted to be. He

wanted to know if I WAS then; or to make me think on that issue. I don’t remember how that conversation turned out but I never forgot the question. He had that kind of concern and when I responded then at Brunk Brother Revival invitation, about that time, I knew the salvation Scriptures a little better than the person ascribed to help me reach a conclusion. Brother Norman was really concerned about important matters.

So he was also concerned about self-control. When I discovered a girl sitting near me in the class room who was willing to listen to me anytime I said something, he noticed that. He had us stay in one recess and allowed us to talk all we wanted, which wasn’t nearly as much fun as in school time. I suppose his watchful eye spoiled everything!

Brother Norman really fostered a love of music in many of us. He led in chorus practice and in many school programs. He noticed my harmony singing and once asked several of us to sing a song for the group to help them hear what it should sound like. We sang many kinds of music, of course all religious. He made hymn singing enjoyable for all.

After I quit school after the ninth grade, I still asked to accompany the class on a trip to Kentucky and he allowed me to go. I enjoyed that for many reasons including that by then I already admired Loretta and it didn’t exactly please Brother Norman that I wanted to be around her, like for traveling or when ever it came up. I don’t remember any details of his displeasure, only that he wasn’t very comfortable. After all, I was no longer in school and I made it awkward for him to do much about me.

I always admired Brother Norman for his persistent tutorage and concern for me both in my education and Spiritual development. His character was so consistently Christian and his dedication to teaching so clear. It was then a bit of a disappointment that when I left school, I also lost familiar contact with him. When we would see each other at school functions, I admired him more than he considered me a special person. He was special to me. Perhaps I was a problem to him some times, or he couldn’t be close to all his students. But to me he was a noble mentor, one of the most significant teachers I had in my first nine years. I will always remember Brother Norman as one who went before me when I needed a model for my life.

                                                             TOO MUCH HELP?*

It seems that from a long time, people have been very helpful in giving me information and guidance in abundance. From the time my mother gave me endless instructions on right behavior, and tried her best to cull out misbehavior, down to my retirement years when my wife is constantly pointing out my misspeaking and misjudgments, I have had an array of endless assistance in going down the path of prudence and wisdom, let alone practical directions. Recently I have been mulling over this phenomenon of my life and tried to understand just what might be behind all this.

It may just be that I have been surrounded by people who really care about me, far beyond what many people experience. My mother tried to show her love by trying to make me an obedient and decent boy. She tried so hard, my sisters once agreed privately to each other that I was the one who received more spankings than any of the other children, topping out all 9 siblings. Why she singled me out for this concern is beyond me. It was the same in school, not with spanking, but with teachers who were desperate to keep me from expressing my thoughts and feelings privately during the class hour. Once a teacher kept me and an attractive girl in at recess time and said we can talk all we wanted to. It was not nearly as fun as it should have been, for some reason. It seems they always had me in their watchful eye. As a married person I worked in a factory where I was also surrounded by people who gave me a lot of attention. They observed my work, and urged me to “work a little faster if you can stand it”. They tried to help me be a super worker, a drive that has never fully left me. And as we as a family would be on the road, sometimes my wife would watch the road more carefully than I, telling me when I was catching up with the car in front of us; or when pausing at a stop sign, telling me there was a car coming down the road just as I was starting up after surveying both directions. Who knows the accidents she spared us from by her constant co-watching traffic and the road for us, noticing even if I drove too close to the center of the road, or the edge. One just can’t have too much caring help in such dangerous ventures as driving on roads fraught with all kinds of potential pitfalls. Yes, I have always been surrounded with a multitude of caring people to assure that I would survive securely to a ripe old age in the best of shape.

Another reason for receiving such an abundance of help in my life may simply be that I take life so casually. Few things were hard for me, whether studying, building a house, graduating from college, supervising supper for a dozen kids, or minding my own business. Driving a car was a more common thing to me than riding a bicycle as an adult, and much easier. It was just automatic, sitting there, talking, and hands lightly on the wheel. Once I discovered on a family trip in the Wild West, that our station wagon could hold the road for over a mile, with my hands actually only inches above from the steering wheel. My fingers were right there, but not close enough for some family members. My son told me recently that I was careless, not minding to things carefully. Probably often I could not have cared less about focusing on something that I had done a thousand times, and knew exactly how carefully I had to be to make things come out in a way satisfactory to me. Ah, there’s the rub; while others spent 110% of the time necessary to do something perfectly, I do a 98% job in half the time. Like sweeping the living room rug, which with a bunch of kids around will look the same in an hour, whether I do things my way, or others spend twice as much time on the job. Life is too short to do a perfect job on only half the things that should be done. Better do all that needs doing at 98% perfection than half at super perfection. Or I recall how my teens felt I was not very excited when they were facing crises with no way out as they saw it. I just remembered a teacher who taught us that there were always two choices in everything. Just sit down and think, and choose the best solution. That I why I never faced a crises as a dead end; there are always two ways out, even out of this life. So, many people not knowing that life can be taken casually, and we can accomplish far more by concentrating and considering the essential next moves; or the cost-effective way of work, or job, more than getting all steamed up about minute details, they think I just take things too casually and want to help me in ways not really necessary.

There may be a third reason people have been so helpful. Besides seeming so casual, I also appear very vulnerable and defenseless. I don’t project myself ostensibly or pretentiously; I am just me- confident, quiet, and a very safe person to help. I appear somewhat easy to heap help on, needed or not. Most people want to help the helpless and vulnerable. It makes them feel good to help the weak, and besides, there is that satisfaction of being benevolent. It also makes people feel one up on the person helped. So appearing vulnerable to help, it is safe, gratifying, and gaining self esteem to do something good for those like myself who appear weak, helpless, and vulnerable.

These are some of the reasons people may have offered me so much help in my life. Some just care so much; some mistake my confidence and casual approach to life as careless, and some find it is safe and gratifying to help me as I will not be able to defend myself against their help- which, taken all together, is just a little too much help.

*Hint: Take this essay with a half grain of salt.

                                              AMERICAN CHRISTIANITY 2009

A bit like the Athenians that St. Paul met, it seems to me that American Christians that I have been meeting and worship with lately are very religious and concerned about their relationship with God and whether they are growing in closeness to God. But I wonder, are they hearing anything from God of importance? What seems to me to be lacking is what I am most concerned about presently for myself, perhaps related to our leaving Belize where we had full time ministry opportunities among people needing something from God and us. I wonder very much, what is the heart of God desiring of his people, and me in particular? If I could sense the heart of God when he looks at me- that is what I am seeking after and wishing for others. It is not enough for Christians to be buried in commitments- socially, churchly, financially, in business or in this culture, and not seeking to know first the heart of God in our lives. What would please God the most from us? What is he longing for us to do? What should be the preoccupation of the church, any church?

It seems the biggest problem for Christians around me is that culture and commitments have so swallowed them up that they are not really free to seek the heart of God. People just can’t respond to anything that does not fit their present style and pace. They must first go and “bury their fathers” that is, putting off seeking the heart of God fully because they are wrapped up in the culture and their commitments that must be fulfilled. An economic standard of living dictated by society and our commitment to it is one big rock that weighs down many. They have little freedom to move with God’s heart leading them. Another is the assumption that they are already doing closely what God desires of them. Who would hear it if God would call them to a life of ignoring cultural economic values, (becoming a bit like the poor, for the sake of the Gospel) and perhaps considering geographic displacement? How many would respond to God’s revealed heart to rearrange their whole economic assumptions so that they could share half their wealth so that hundreds of millions could simple eat and hear the Gospel? I suppose most Christians could not imagine that God would desire anything like of them; and if he did, it would be impossible to respond to such a call. What would it take to revolutionize the church structures so that the adequate resources God gave the church for the salvation of the world would be released to meet those needs? When will worship and the church, cocooned now by culture, welcome the heart of God to break through to hear God’s design for humanity?                                                                                                          July 8, 2009

                                 LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF

When Jesus was asked by the rich young man what he must do to get eternal life, Matthew 19:12-22, Jesus listed some of the commandments and also, loving your neighbor as yourself. Certainly this was a personal challenge for personal salvation. But what about the salvation of the church- any congregation? What if a congregation was challenged to love its neighbors as itself in order to inherit eternal life? Now the church must ask, “Who are the neighbors of the church?” People may prefer to keep the question local. But when the needs from around the world vividly and repeatedly break through on our big TV screens, there is a whole new dimension to neighborhood compared to when Jesus was on earth. Is not the neighbor anyone whom you see in desperate need? Do not the orphans and all people around the world who have never had a chance to hear the Gospel become our neighbors? The neighbor becomes all people who have the need to experience the whole Gospel.

But back to the church faced with the global neighbor. What concern is the church challenged to have if it loves the ‘neighbor as itself’. Literally it would mean that the church has an equal responsibility to care for the ‘neighbor’ as for itself. Is it too bold to suggest that it might mean to share in equal measure in its prayer, financial, and personnel resources with the world neighbor? If so, a church would spend a lot of time and focus thinking about the needy neighbors around the world, just as it does on its local internal needs. One could ask how much the church is really giving to God’s wider kingdom goals when most of the financial and other resources are simply spent on taking care of its own needs. We pay for a comfortable environment so we can worship and fellowship with each others. The leadership is our servant and we pay them for their services- services to us. Churches have many miscellaneous items in their budgets. Is it really giving an offering to God when most is for our own benefit? Are we not really loving ourselves much more than the neighbor?

A congregation would be faced immediately on how it could help the global neighbor as much as itself. The answer is simpler on paper than in logistics: either cut local expenses or double giving through the church, or a combination of both. Certainly they would still need to meet the needs of the neighbors among themselves locally. They could not be ignored in favor for the neighbor abroad although the church would need to recognize the likely greater desperation of the neighbor around the world.

Remember, this was part of Jesus’ answer to the question of how to get eternal life. He spelled out the condition “if you want to be perfect”, of selling and giving to the poor [neighbor]. Is it too much to say that the church’s inclination to hoard resources leads Spiritual discontent- to “sadness” like it did for the young man rather than to the “perfection” with real happiness? Where does it fit in that God loves a cheerful [hilarious] giver? That sure is a long way from the uneasy church, or perhaps the church does not know how happy it could be if they would follow Jesus’ radical challenge to love the global neighbor like itself.                                                                                          August, 2009

                                                        The Family Constellation

There were 10 children born to Elam and Eliza Hochstetler, of whom I was the sixth, following 3 boys and 2 girls. There were alternately boy/girl until I broke the order; I would have been a girl by the “established” order. The first 6 were also spaced two years apart plus a few days or weeks. Let's look at each one of the siblings, especially as they related to me in the family constellation. Two have been referred to elsewhere and will receive minimum attention here.

Laban was the firstborn, 10 years my senior. He was the model child, something of the standard for each of us. He was well discipline and rather quiet of speech. He was almost grown up when I was a child. He left home to work on a farm at 18 in connection with the military draft, having a conscientious exemption from that draft. He would return home each weekend and returning Monday mornings by bicycle; I remember one such parting in which he entreated me to be a good boy while he was gone, whether he felt it necessary, or just in doing his part in encouraging me as he would be inclined.

Miriam was next. She was always around, although it seems I remember her a bit less. A helper around the home and caring for the younger siblings was her life. It seems she loved music and youth associations like any teenager. I recall a songbook she had of collected songs, some secular, like “Just Thirteen Steps Away”, songs which I learned from her. She had a boyfriend Lee, for quite a while but then quit. She served in various voluntary service locations such as Brooklane Farm in Maryland and then Loman, Minnesota where she met her husband to be Harvey Graber. Later they served as missionaries in Red Lake, Ontario for 5 years and then Brazil for 10 years.*

Samuel was next. He was an active young person growing up without much interaction with me that I can recall, no doubt blending into the family without much notice. I do recall he broke his arm once, which was considered resulting from being slow to do his duty in work. While I had always considered him to be a conventional youth, he took the initiative several years after marriage,  to pack up his family of two little boys and move to Virginia to participate in starting an outreach church. He became the leader and three sons became church leaders as well.

Esther was next. She was a friendly reaching-out person to me, perhaps at time more personal than I was comfortable with. She was very religious and devout. I still recall her mouthing her own praying when the family prayed as at meal time. Her untimely death after being on the mission field in Canada for 27 years was a shocker for the whole family while we were in Belize.

Daniel was my next older brother, with whom I had the most interaction in my childhood. This is noted in the essay, “Closeup: Me and Daniel.” Without doubt, he was the model for me, going before me as I was growing up, giving me many cues what to do and avoid.

Rhoda, two years after me was the sibling I never knew as she died before I was 3. Yet that loss no doubt heavily affected my emotional formation as it was in deep grief of my mother that I grew in my pre-school years. This was multiplied by my mother's loss of a sister and her father in the same years. Though I do not remember Rhoda, they say I felt deeply about her when they buried her, me not understanding death at all.

Marietta, written as Mary Etta in her childhood, followed Rhoda and breaking the timing of one child every two years. Mom felt she was a replacement for Rhoda. For reasons I can only guess, it seems I was in conflict with her more than any other siblings and the tendency gave me a bad reputation as a naughty boy which was likely justified. I know I found fault with her at her eating at meal time and was sometimes told “You look onto your on plate!”

Walter followed. We called him Sonny for some years and although he was 7 years my junior, we had a lot of fun together. I gave him the pet name “Valdensah” (Waldensian” )  He was intelligent and creative, whether in music or with his playthings. It seems I introduced him to musical theory and notes  In his imaginary playing earlier, he would line up furniture castors which he call horses or cows.

Joe, always Joseph as a child, concluded the family. Ten years younger, he was a favorite child and brother. It seems when he was young I could swing him up and he could stand on my shoulders with help. He was active in the family in spite of being a follower. I recall when at the supper table when everyone was telling little stories and he wanted to be there as well, He said, “Just think of it, I don't like bones!” (Denk mole draw, ich gliech nat g'nocha!)

Even living a more simple life on the farm, we children found ways of interacting and playing games together. In the summer we could play outside such games as dare base, hide and seek, tag. Sometimes we played such games with cousins our age. We were discouraged in playing “Monopoly”-  too materialistic?? although checker s was acceptable and even chess. But reading was a favorite. No recorded music- well no electricity. Sometimes as family we would sing together. I believe we all could “carry a tune” before we went to school. While it seems we were not close as siblings, we were taught to respect each other in language and interactions. It is remarkable that we remained close to each other in our life-time and all the more as we aged. Even choosing different church denominations has not separated us from a sense of closeness. I do not know of any family quarrels or frictions over the years. The family estate was also disposed of without any conflict and we kept a family woods for posterity where we gather every Memorial day with our ever-expanding families.

*One time Miriam, Dad, and God saved our house from burning down.  During breakfast one morning she went out to the milk house by the barn to bring in more milk for breakfast. As she headed back to the house, she suddenly saw fire or smoke coming from the door of the wash house that was attached to the house. Most likely screaming and running as fast as she could, she alerted us all. The older children carried water from the nearby pump house tank and brought it to Dad who poured pail after pail against the wall behind the water tub that was being heated up for washing clothes. I took a bucket to the wash room by the kitchen and pumped as fast as I could and also handed the buckets to Dad for putting out the fire. I don’t know how long it took but eventually it was under control and then put out. The charred walls were a reminder for the rest of our time living there that we were saved by the timing and cooperation of the whole family. God’s timing. A few minutes later would have been too late. No phone or fire truck would have reached us in time.

                                                      Nicknames for Our Children

Some things seem so trivial yet they are or were a part of our past which we might forget and probably just as well so. Yet trivia is cultivated frequently for whatever reason a person might indulge in it. Certainly so with pet or nicknames for our children. I suppose it is indicative of the "pet" nature of our relationships with those little ones. In our case, none of the names persisted into adulthood and phased out somewhere in childhood or early youth. It is impossible to remember 40+ years later which were important or endured long, so I will just begin with the oldest and go down the line. (Actually, I still mutter the first two nicknames in the privacy of our home at times!)

Paul, I called Saulos, which is the German and Greek name for Paul. Or Saulos Natan, again fully the German translation. It had no special significance, but just reflected the languages I knew and reflected a playful variety of what we had officially named him. Natan is also Hebrew for gift. Possibly Saulos is something like 'little' in one of those languages

Conrad, I called Kunraut, which was also the German form, at least so I thought. There was of course a Conrad Grebel, an early Anabaptist leader that I admired, from whom preference was originally derived. Probably Grebel was also German.

Grace, that is a longer story. Apparently one time Loretta was reading the story of Jack and the Beanstalk that greatly interested Grace. In enthusiasm for the story, she said "Beanstalk" excitedly. So that became her pet name. But she had another name as well, Bumper Crop. Whether this reflected her plump build at birth and childhood, or the fact that she followed so closely after Conrad I don't know. Certainly we could not always just call this vibrant young child by such a calm name as Grace.

Rachel, Why I called her Beanert is beyond me. She was also one of our precious children who could not have only one beautiful name, but had to have a play name for all the times I enjoyed so much to play her with me while I was going to college and reserved my evenings for my children..

Then there was Julie, who was named after the rising star, Julie Andrews who I was enamored with in the days of The Sound Of Music. But J. Andrews had also starred in My Fair Lady and sang, "wouldn't it be loverly". Did loverly metamorphose into Aberly? or just Aber.  I don't know, but that is what I called our Julie.  Julie Aber. And I could repeat that variation to the closing lines of Anderew's song, where I sang the name 4 times: Aberly, Aberly,Aberly, Aberly.

I don't remember If only I used these names but it seems primarily I did; Loretta remembers calling Rachel, "Rachel Baby". I hardly know if the children used the same names I did, but I know there were one or two names for each other, but about pet names, I suppose that was primarily my thing. Those kids were just a lot more to me than their legal names, however much we liked them.

                               

Casting Crowns - Thrive (Official Lyric Video)

                                                God, All We Can Imagine and More

The intellectual genius Stephen Hawkins who was also an agnostic or atheist who died in the past year, was once ask what he would say if he actually did meet God and was asked by God why he did not believe in him . He said he would say, “ Lack of evidence” I feel he was stone-blind to all the evidence that there is a real God.

If there is a universe, it must have come from somewhere at some time. It could not have self-created itself as Hawkins tried to imagine. That takes much more faith than I have. The necessity of a Creator for a universe is logically incontrovertible. In itself it may not appear to define the nature of a creating God, until we examine the nature of the universe and the challenge of creating it when there was nothing there to make it from. When I learn that nuclear power comes from turning matter into energy, I wonder if it follows that energy can also be turned into matter, Although this would require an infinite amount of energy to create a universe of the dimensions of what we have. It would point to a God that has energy that is infinite beyond our imagination.

It has been calculated by science that the universe must be 3.5 or 3.8 billion years old, judging from the distance of the most far light coming from somewhere until it would come to us here. One could well ask if that is any measurement of a universe or beyond the reach of light to our universe. So the size of the universe in the widest sense of the word is totally beyond our understanding. One could also imagine in the size of the universe (‘s), what was happening before God decided that there should be one. Was God from eternity meditating and planning on the shape of this universal project for a billion trillion years? He would have had time for that!

It is interesting how He used a variety of materials and to make the universe. We know about electrons and protons and I don’t know much about all the other elements of an atom. The number of elements or arrangements and number pf particles are also numerous. Seems there were about 100 elements known when I was young and more have been discovered since. Must have been His creative leisure to play with these little “things” in so many arrangements. I wonder if there might not also be other and more elements than are known to scientists. What limit might be exist for God?

I am intrigued by God’s appreciation for the aesthetics as I have written elsewhere. It seems he made many things like color, sound, ecstasy, taste and other luxuries for the pleasure of humans beyond necessity for life. Must be like him to enjoy many things just because he could make them in his creative imagination. Think of the variety of plants and animals. Books are written on animal life with its infinite variety, and new ones are still being discovered. From insects that seem intelligent to animals that are almost human, each is capable of activities that bogle the mind.

We know about human emotions of which there are a great variety. But more mysterious are the emotions of animals of which we see only a glimpse.  Just today I saw a video of a dog in a swimming pool which could not get out. Another dog paced above him trying to find a way to help the miserable dog in the water. Finally that safe dog jumped in the water and came behind the struggling dog and pushed him up so he could get out. Sympathy, hatred, affectionate response to human emotions, like horses may remember that bad attitude a persons had hours before when the person now comes with a good attitude. It seems likely that animals have many emotions we understand so little. Even more amazing is some evidence that plants as well have feelings and some may detect friendly or hostel attitudes of humans passing by. Or plants that may communicate through roots to neighboring plants that the soil is dry and that neighboring plants should direct there root to a more favorable direction.

I am not a scientist, and wish I could document these and many more examples of wide spread feelings and communication between many fauna and flora. With the imagination we have, no doubt in the image of God, one wonders if not other living thing also have imagination comparable to ours. In fact, is it not possible that many species have a confidence that they also are made in the image of God? Is it outrageous to think that God may just as well communicate with many others of his beings? They fact that we can communicate a little with such animals as horses and dogs, and they can grasp some of our vocabulary, why would God not want to communicate with many of his other intelligent fauna and flora? One can speculate whether other species have also strayed from their Creator’s intent like man and God had to become special to redeem them. Feels like I am far out by now in my imagination. Perhaps far beyond the capacity of the most people. But if I can imagine it, is it not possible that a lot more is true than we assume and can be sure of? Why would man be the only creature who has a right to claim to be in the image of God and in a relationship? God loves us so much we feel special, but why would not others of creation also feel special? I can imagine it; why might it not be true?

I have not said anything here about God and the stuff we call inanimate. How do we know electrons don’t join together and have feeling- or even intelligence? Why would God only relate intelligently to so-called animate beings, a category we smart one have concocted?  Doesn’t all this mean that we most likely know only a miniscule amount of what actually exists about God and his relationship with the universe?  I would desire to be open to a greater understanding of who God is and how he relates to the world and the universe. I have no doubt that our understanding of God is extremely provincial or narrow minded, limited by the understanding of our scientific mentality. I believe we will all have many surprises when we finally see God in heaven as he really is. I doubt that we can even then grasp his infinity of nature, but it doesn’t hurt to start trying here and now, which I had tried to do here. Worship our great God with your own imagination.